Blue Mountain State

Okay, ladies, here's how we're gonna do this.

I'll be flying. You two are catching.

You're gonna do splits. You're gonna do flips.

And you... You can shake your pom-poms.

Ugh! Again?

All you sluts ever let me do is shake my pom-poms.

Well, maybe if you didn't show up to practice drunk all the time,

we could give you more stuff to do.

I show up buzzed, Kara.

Okay, fine. Hey, look at this, huh?

No more boozing during practice.

You like that? Now, can I do it?

You know, Missy does have a sore wrist.

Okay, fine. But just today.

Shit, yeah!

All you have to do is catch me.

- Okay? - Yeah.

- Follow Kara's lead. - No problem.

Are you ladies ready?

My heel!

Oh, man!

These pumps were like 80 bucks, you guys.

Kate!

All I'm saying is that if the coach wants us to have a four-hour practice,

why can't we have five minutes to drink a cold beer?

Or like nap time, huh?

Oh, no, I don't take naps, man. I don't trust 'em.

- Really? - I had a bad experience.

What the hell is this?

It's the offseason conditioning program.

Seems a little thick this year.

Hey, Coach, do you have a lighter one of these for the backups?

No.

Hey, how come he don't got one?

He runs track in the offseason.

So if I do another sport, I don't have to do conditioning?

That's right.

Two-sport athletes, boy.

They used to do that all the time back in the day.

That's what I'm talking about, man. Right.

Bo Jackson, Deion Sanders! Mmm-hmm.

Stop playing, man. Whoo-hoo!

- How come they don't do that no more? - I don't know.

I'm about to bring that shit back, watch.

So am I, Radon. So am I.

Drink.

How about basketball?

Hell, no, man! My ego couldn't take getting dunked on.

- Fencing? - No, that's a white people sport.

Ain't a black man alive that fences.

- Hockey? - I say fencing is too white

and you come back with hockey?

Hockey could be perfect.

I could be the backup goalie.

I mean, I'll never play, and even if I do, we're getting killed,

so who cares? And you...

You could be a trailblazer.

- Can you skate? - I mean, I can roller-skate.

- Same thing. - All right.

I mean, maybe you right, man.

How hard could it be if only white people play it, right?

- Play what? - We're trying out for the hockey team.

That's great. You know what? Me, too.

I'm gonna be the hockey team's new mascot.

Sammy, they don't have mascots in hockey.

They have a zamboni driver.

- Is that a challenge? - No.

That sounds like a challenge.

Accepted.

Hey, ladies. Oh, what's that?

It's your new job.

You're Thad Castle's cheerleader now.

It used to be Kate's job before you,

you know, sprained her ankle.

You'll make sure he's ready for every game.

Mentally, physically and emotionally.

You're at his beck and call.

Kate, don't you think you're milking the ankle thing just a little bit?

You're Thad Castle's cheerleader...

Or you're no cheerleader at all.

Have fun. It sucks.

Yeah.

Thanks for thinking of me.

- Whoo! - Perfection.

Nothing but perfection will be tolerated.

Now, if you didn't come here to bring me the best,

then stay off my ice!

I brought this team to the Frozen Four

the past two seasons.

And we're gonna go back to the Frozen Four.

Who's coming with me?

Break up into squads. Let's go.

Let's go, let's go! Come on, let's go.

What is with the pads? Are you here to take my job?

- What? - 'Cause if you are,

my enforcer will break you.

No! It's quite the opposite actually.

I'm here to be your backup.

This guy giving you shit, Antti?

Let me guess, you're the enforcer.

Punch him in the face, Byers.

Whoa, hold on, no, no. No punching in the face, all right?

It's a misunderstanding. Look, I'm a football player.

I'm looking to pick up a second sport in the offseason.

How about this? How about you guys come

to the Goat House tonight and get some free beer?

Whoo! Accepted.

Hey, asshole!

Oh, shit.

Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing?

Were you just trying to cut my brakes?

What? No. Come on.

Hey, Sammy Cacciatore. I'm the new hockey team mascot.

- Good to meet you. - This is a hockey team, kid.

We don't have a mascot.

I drive this thing around between periods, and that's that.

Listen, when I run onto the football field,

90,000 people stand up and cheer.

When you drive this thing around,

people go get beer and take craps.

I think I can help you out.

What the hell now?

Prepare to have your minds blown.

Limits are made to be broken,

and they're about to be broken today, baby.

Is he trying it out, too?

- Yeah. - I'm okay.

I just slipped on some ice.

Oh, hi, how's it going?

- I'm Mary... - No names.

You're my cheerleader now. That's all I need to know.

Did you read my manifesto?

Oh, it's mostly just pictures, isn't it?

It's a graphic novel.

- Oh. - First test.

Order us my favorite beverage.

Um...

Two mojitos, por favor.

Sure.

Nicely done. Should be a little quicker next time.

- Yeah. - Pop quiz!

What's my favorite breakfast cereal?

Uh...

Too late. Lucky Charms. I eat three bowls every morning

before I take my morning poop. Why?

Because my bitch mother told me I couldn't when I was a kid.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How do I like my shirts folded?

Um... Let me see.

Trick question.

I like my shirts on hangers to avoid wrinkles.

Are you writing this down?

Oh! I thought it was all in the manifesto.

Not all of it.

Psych! Yes, it is.

Yes, it's all in the manifesto.

You should take a chill pill. You look confused.

I'll see you first thing in the morning so you can pop my ass zits.

Man, ice hockey is nothing like roller-skating.

I was way off.

Look, you're gonna be fine, all right? It was just the first day.

Nobody gets cut on the first day.

Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to cut the brake lines on a zamboni?

The cables are like two-inches thick.

I need to rethink my strategy.

Why are you trying to cut... Never mind.

Okay, listen, so when the players get here, we gotta win 'em over.

Lots of sex and booze.

All right? Boys!

You made it! Grab a drink.

I'll take your drink.

Well, okay, he'll have my drink.

Hey!

Let me show you guys around.

Yeah! Right?

Alex, these women are incredible.

Who do I have to fight to get one?

You don't have to fight anybody.

No, you just gotta go talk to them.

Even you can talk to these girls?

- Yeah. - You're just a backup. You're a no one.

It's called trickle-down banging.

Trickle-down banging?

If you get me on the hockey team,

I'll tell you all about it. Yeah!

Let's get two shots of vodka, please.

- Two vodka. - Two vodka.

Oh, snack food. Can I eat them?

Go ahead, man. Help yourself.

Have at it.

So, Claude, you're the team captain, right?

Correct. It's a great privilege.

Yeah, so how come that dude, Renee,

is leading the team in scoring?

Renee is very good. I assist him.

That's cool. I mean, you know assists don't really mean anything.

You should be scoring. I mean, me? I wanna score every time I touch the ball.

I hate throwing the ball to my receivers. I hate it.

The worst part of my day

is when I gotta throw that ball out my hand.