Community

welcome back!

- Hi. - Hello.

What did you do over break? - Hi.

Oh, it was so awesome.

Me and abed played this video game.

It is so dope. It's a whole city.

- You can drive anywhere. - You can rent an apartment.

- You could do your taxes. - But don't get audited

'cause that's bad.

- You could even enroll in community college.

- Right now it sounds as boring as real life,

But it is not.

- Vacations are wasted on the young.

You guys gotta get out there and see the world at some point

Or you're gonna miss your entire lives.

- Where did you go, britta? - Amsterdam, I think.

I'll know more when I find my camera.

- Guess what happened to me.

- Oh, pierce, you became a grandfather?

No, I became even cooler.

These ironic tee shirts are all the rage.

- Let's get one thing straight.

I wish I was still a lawyer.

I'm only here because I'm hot for britta,

And I don't want to be anybody's friend.

Just kidding.

Bring it in here, ya knuckleheads!

You know, I gotta say I took a look back

At the guy I was last semester,

And I realized that guy was a drag.

- No... - Aww...

- Good to hear you admit it, jeff.

- No, the truth is this is a new semester,

A new jeff.

Greendale is where I am,

And I am gonna make the best of it.

That is nice.

- You're like hawkeye on m.A.S.H.

He kept his upbeat humor and charm

Even in the 11th year of the korean war.

- Yeah, well, don't go changing too much, jeff.

I think we all like you just the way you were.

- Well, I appreciate that, but--

Did you just teleport here?

- No, I snuck in during the group hug.

You guys don't remember me?

Buddy...From spanish class?

- I've never seen you before in my life.

I've seen buddy before.

He sits in the corner next to the dead plant.

Thank you, abed.

Sometimes I have a tendency to melt into the background.

It's just my body type.

But I definitely know you guys

From watching you all last semester grow together.

"f." "f"-minus.

Did you say "s"?

He said "f."

- Who cheated? - I did it.

- Britta cheated? But why?

- Gimme back my bra, annie.

- I'm not even wearing a bra. - Oh!

- I don't even care who wins.

What?

I sleep a lot in class.

That one might have been a dream.

- Well, buddy, as you know,

We haven't had spanish class yet.

So this meeting was more just for catching up...

Between friends.

- I heard that. Let's do it!

- Well-- - so--sorry, britta.

I'll go first.

Uh, I'm sure you guys have a natural rapport and timing,

And, you know, you're scared that adding a new member

Might throw everything off of its natural...

- ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪

...Rhythm.

I feel like I know you guys already.

So you know, let me in. Just tell me the rules,

And I will follow.

- Well, you already broke the only rule I have.

The rule about worrying about rules.

That's what I'm saying too!

Yeah!

♪ spanish studyin' is better ♪

♪ when you're buddyin' ♪

♪ around, yeah ♪

- Excuse me, I received a text message

About free sephora samples.

- Ha ha! It was me.

Sorry about the ruse, but I have something better

Than exfoliating soap to rub on you.

An opportunity. Mm.

As you can see, I am resurrecting

The greendale gazette journal mirror!

And we need a student editor.

Someone with real world savvy

That extends beyond how to huff the ink.

- Actually, dean, I'm resolved to spend this semester

Being more...

This would be your office.

Relaxed...And awesome.

This is the first desk I've seen in six months

That doesn't have "zeppelin rules" carved into it.

- And you get an english credit.

- Well, that ain't bad neither. I'm in.

Guys, meet your new editor!

Mr. Winger is very excited to help you bring a voice

Back to the campus.

- Jeff, I need to take your picture.

- We got it. - Okay.

You guys knock yourselves out!

- This is my article on the school's new water heater.

- You got chops, kid, but we need your talent

On a bigger story.

Pizza wars--who's got the best slice in town?

Start with big nick's. Bring us a large, with sausage.

You. I heard a rumor that riley's liquor is

Selling to underage students.

I need an undercover expose.

Find out how much they'll sell you

Of anything cold and imported.

- You expect me to watch you do that

Without telling on you?

- That's a hard-hitting question, annie.

Are you a reporter?

- No, they've got me editing the crossword

Because I'm a girl.

And because I love crosswords.

- Well, now you love the streets.

You're my ace news hound.

Ace? You can do that?

- We can do anything we want. It's greendale.

Now go find me that story.

- This character reboot is really gelling for you, jeff.

That was all classic hawkeye.

Sending soldiers out for liquor.

Slyly sidestepping the problematic scrutiny

Of annie "hot lips" edison.

I should build you a still for making hawkeye martinis.

- Of all your pop culture fixations,

This is one I can work with, abed.

- Call me radar. - When you've earned it.

Now, I know the news of senor chang's death

Over winter break was a shock to us all.

But we should take comfort in the fact

That he did not suffer

When his moped hit the side of that arby's.

So sad.

But best semester ever.

Feliz ano nueva, chicas!

beat it. All right.

That was a professional actress.

I am a man who can never die.

And this has been your first taste

Of spanish 1-0- dos--

The semester I get inside your cabesas!

♪ ♪

I saw that coming.

- Hey, guys, see you in study group.

Hoo-ah!

Ah!

- Uh, jeff, can he really just decide he's one of us?

He throws off our balance.

We've got three chicks, three dudes,

And now two weirdos.

Sorry, abed.

Not all weirdos are bad.

But he might be a puckish agent of change

That changes our lives for the better

Through a musical montage.

- Or he could have a row of jars

Waiting for our genitals.

Yo, I need my genitals.

- You know who you guys sound like?

Me, from last semester.

Cynical, elitist,

Rakishly good-looking. - Thank you.

- Well, we should at least get together

To talk about membership policies, right?

Hey, don't ask me.

Dealing with problems ain't my job no more.

My new job is hanging out, having fun,

And cracking wise.

Oh, it must be nice.

Suppose I decide that's my job.

'cause you're hilarious!

- Jeff, I hope you've got an army of raisins

Because I've got a major scoop.

In October,

There was a free toni braxton concert on the quad.

- You don't need to remind me.

And when a last-minute mix-up

Shifted the show time by an hour,

An anonymous text message went out

Alerting students of the change.

- Okay. - Not okay.

Because the text message was sent exclusively

To black students...