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Happy last day before winter break, Greendale!

Time to visit our loved ones.

Some of you will travel as far as three Miles!

Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland in the quad,

where we're giving away catalogues

of next semester's classes.

Whoa, what's that sound?

Is that the tippy-tapping of secular boots on the roof?

Oh, well, it must be yet another sign

that it tis the season,

because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter

is on his way to the student lounge!

Unh!

I'm so sick of the Dean jamming his PC

down my throat.

Pierce, I'd like to commend you

for letting that one go.

"PC-ness."

Now I get it.

It sounds like "penis". I just got it too.

Well, it's still Christmas to all of us,

and I made you all a little gift,

because you're like my new family.

"W-W-B-J-D"?

If this stands for "What would Billy Joel do",

I'll tell you right now... he'd write another crappy song.

Yeah, in your face, Billy Joel.

Who is that?

It stands for "What would baby Jesus do?"

And it's to remind us that the real meaning

of this season is Christmas.

Oh, well, thank you, Shirley.

I'm gonna put that in the pocket closest to my heart.

No, no, no, it's a bracelet. You put 'em on.

Everybody put 'em on.

Hey. Hey!

You took all the winter-doodles.

What are you, a douche bag?

They're for my friends.

There's a lot of other cookies left.

No, there's only macadamia nut cookies there, okay?

I have a tree-nut allergy.

You should probably stay away

from Christmas-tree-shaped cookies.

Ha ha! That did not even make allergic sense.

What are you, an idiot?

Okay, we get it. You and the A-team are awesome.

Now beat it.

Oh, look at that.

Pretty boy standing up for bird face over here.

Give me a winter-doodle.

If you're trying to be menacing,

maybe don't call the cookie by its name.

Oh, you're funny. You're a funny man.

Want to hear something funny, funny man?

Knock, knock.

My fist up your balls!

Who's there?

Ha ha ha! Merry happy!

This ain't over.

There won't always be a Dean around.

All right?

Still waiting on those cookies, Abed.

Jeff protected my honor.

It was like my bodyguard, but I was the kid from meatballs,

Jeff was the guy from full metal jacket,

and the moustache guy was the brother

of the guy on entourage.

Thanks for dumbing that down for us.

- You got it. - So what's the deal, Jeff?

You leave your stones in your other suit?

Why didn't you rap that guy in the face?

For the same reason that I floss,

have a bed frame, and keep my guitar in its case...

I'm over 23.

I'm proud of you for handling it peacefully, Jeff,

like a certain little birthday boy.

Real men turn the other cheek.

Let's see 'em. Nonsense.

Men were wired to fight each other

so that women could choose the right mate.

No, the real reason men fight

is to release their pent-up gayness.

That guy wasn't gay. He had a moustache.

You know what I have? Finals.

Are we cramming for Spanish or not?

I need a 65, or I'm gonna flunk the class.

Why didn't you do the extra-credit assignments

if you knew that you were...

failing?

Because doing more than the minimum work

is my definition of...

failing.

Quick question... Are you all coming

to my Christmas party right after the final,

or are you stopping home to change

into your Christmas outfits?

I guess I could wear one of my Hanukah sweaters.

Uh, Annie...

I... I didn't know you weren't, um, Christian.

Yep.

One might even say I'm Jewish.

Oh, t... that's good for you. T... that's wonderful.

I respect all religions of the world.

- I'm Muslim. - Jehovah's witness.

- Atheist. - The Lord is testing me.

Guys, this is a subject that breeds conflicts.

- Can we please do... - What religion are you, Jeff?

I'm agnostic.

Agnostic... lazy man's atheist.

- I'm born-again. - Oh.

Yeah, we had a re-birthing ritual

in my friend's hot tub.

I'm now a level-five laser lotus in my Buddhist community.

Uh, that does not sound like Buddhism.

Are you sure you're not in a cult?

Just by asking me that question,

you've put me back down to a level four.

You now owe me 2,000 Energon cubes.

Do you know how foolish you sound right now?

What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?

Jehovah's witnesses are a type of Christian, right, Troy?

Yeah, but we don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas,

and we can't drink.

But it helps.

So you're like a Muslim. Salaam alaikum.

Shama-lama-ding-dong.

Wow, don't we have a diverse little family.

I say we open up this... this party to all faiths.

I brought my star of Bethlehem,

which led the wise men to the savior of all mankind.

And you guys can bring a little trinket or doodad

from your philosophies.

Sounds good?

As an agnostic,

I'm gonna bring my winning smile.

That's not enough.

Ugh! So boring.

Done. Hee hee.

Hee hee.

Hmm. Feliz Navidad.

"True or falso or none of the above?"

That doesn't make any sense.

Hey, look at that.

Forehead's taking a test.

Why don't you get going, Chuck Norris?

Did you just shoo me?

Why don't you just kiss him already?

Dude, I will shoo your nose down your throat!

Senor Chang, can you do something about this?

I'll allow it.

Que pasa here, huh?

It's usted, dude. Even I know that.

You picked the wrong day to correct my Spanish, no sleeves.

It's on!

He's doing this for me. He's my bodyguard.

- You wanna dance? - Maybe to some show tunes?

No, I want to beat the crap out of you.

And I'm gonna enjoy it,

because you're just like this school.

You're obnoxious, you're cramping my style,

and you smell like French-fry oil.

I don't get it!

But not the one by the parking lot!

Right! The one by the trash cans near the orange cones

where they're building the wheelchair ramp!

Yeah.

Best exam ever.

That guy's awesome, man.

So help me if that jerk-weed made me fail.

Well, I aced it, amigo. That means "cousin".

So what's my role going to be in the fight?

Is there a key moment where I finally stand up for myself

and take revenge on the villain?

Uh, maybe you should just hang back.

Yeah I will. In his face!

Whatever you do,

don't tell Shirley about the fight.

She'll start in with all her mother-y, guilt-inducing powers.

- You know what I mean? - No.

I'm wearing this Jesus bracelet 'cause it gets me chicks.

I know guys like this Mike.

He used to be a nerd. Now he's a meathead.

Dangerous combo.

Tyson, Lou Ferrigno, Rosie O'Donnell.

You're a pretty big dude. Probably got some moves.

Yeah, I got some... theories.

- You've never been in a fight? - Technically, no.

I guess I'm too charming and likable.

Call me a name.

I can't.

Are you telling me you've never been punched in the face?

No, thank God. This is the moneymaker.

First time I got punched in the face,

I was like, "Oh, no!"

But then I was like, "This is a story".

And a good one.

Yeah.

Every man should be punched in the face.

It's a rite of passage.