The Vicious Kind

You know they're all whores, right?

Yeah.

All of 'em.

I'm not just talking about the little skanks

that hang out around your dorm or your frat or whatever,

but actually every woman you've ever known

and every woman you'll ever meet.

Mom, Grandma, Aunt Ellen.

And the fact that they're related to us

doesn't make a difference,

'cause at the end of the day,

given the right set of events,

they will fuck you over

for the sole reason that they have a vagina and they can.

Now, can I get you gentlemen anything else?

Coffee.

More coffee and,

I'd actually like some cigarettes

if you happen to have them.

We don't sell cigarettes here, sir.

Fine.

Coffee, then.

And this new one of yours, Peter.

Jesus Christ.

I mean, you know, you could have

at least preyed on a couple high school girls,

get used to the thing.

And if they fuck you over, well, it's not anything

that a night of heavy drinking wouldn't take care of.

She's a good girl, Caleb.

Tell me where you met her again?

No, don't do that.

Do what?

What you're doing.

Like you forgot already.

No, I know where you met her.

I just mean, you know, give me all the details,

like we're getting our fucking nails done or something.

What the hell is the problem?

How much further do we have to go?

I'm not paying for your meal

unless you tell me how you met her,

and I don't think they take student loan checks in here.

That was fast.

Come on.

It would be awful embarrassing,

2 grown men, one of them has to play dine and ditch.

Still waiting.

I met her at the frat house.

Yes, I know this part.

She was seeing a guy there,

and I ran into her visiting him.

And what did the other boys in the frat house

have to say about you seeing her?

How should I know?

Well, I know, Peter,

and I was on your campus for 45 minutes.

She's a good girl. She just has-

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, look, I'm just trying to prove

your dickhead roommate Pierre wrong.

Pierre said something about Emma?

Don't act surprised.

Pierre?

The kid's a fuckin' dick.

I could tell before I shook his hand.

It smelled like patchouli oil.

If you're asking if she has a reputation

for sleeping around amongst those dickheads-

Well, I guess she did cheat on her boyfriend to be with you.

It's not a promising start. Okay.

You know what?

I'm really not even hungry.

And I told you my stupid story,

so I'm gonna go wait in the car.

Give me the keys.

That's-that's rude.

Yeah, well, you've been rude since you picked me up,

so consider us even.

Please give me the keys, Caleb.

What do you want, my keys?

I think they're in here somewhere.

Ah, that's my lighter.

That's my dick.

You want to try and open my car with my dick?

You know, squish it up against the keyhole?

I don't think that's gonna work at all.

Here we go.

Check and see if they have cigarettes next door?

They're closed.

And they don't sell cigarettes anyway.

Well, thank you for that.

Can I get you anything else?

Yeah, you can warm this up,

and you can maybe grab my check,

if you find the time in your precious little schedule.

Fuckin' slut.

* I had a long

Wrong keys, dickhead.

* I had a long

* I had a long, long dream

* I had a long dream about swimmin'

* Across the sea

Are you not sleeping again?

Caleb.

Yeah?

What?

How long has it been since you slept?

I don't know.

A week?

How safe is it to drive with you when you haven't slept?

I'm not gonna lie to you, Peter.

It's not that safe.

Em! Hi!

God.

I thought I heard knocking,

and then I saw your brother's car.

That's-is that your brother? Yeah, yeah.

Hi.

I feel like I haven't seen your face in forever.

I know.

Are your folks awake?

God, no.

You know, they're probably still drunk at this hour.

So should we- should we go?

Yeah, can you help me with that one?

Yeah.

I'll take this.

Thanks.

Caleb, this is Emma Gainsborough.

Hey. Hey, Caleb.

Nice to meet you.

Emma.

Gosh, I've heard so much about you,

I feel like you're famous.

Okay.

Are you guys gonna get in, or-?

Yeah, I just thought you two should meet

before we all cram in your car.

Well, I am so sorry, your royal majesty.

Next time I'll- I'll bring the rolls

so you can stretch out.

The fuck is wrong with you?

Do you want the window seat?

'cause it might be a little more comfortable

since you don't know him.

No, it's fine.

I can... I can totally hear you.

FYI.

I'm right here.

I'm, like, 4 feet from you,

so if you want to-

you're done chatting?

Okay, come on in.

Hi-

This is tough.

You might want to- just lifting the leg over is-

Right.

You're pretty good at that.

Ready?

Sorry.

All right, one more, one more.

Watch this.

Sorry.

Sorry.

That was-I usually put my arm up.

I thought we talked about smoking in the car.

No, no. It's fine, honey.

No, it's not, because I know you don't like it,

and I specifically told you not to smoke.

Okay, okay, I got it.

Take it easy.

Don't tell me to take it easy.

Your parents' home is beautiful, by the way.

Thank you.

Now, do you know the architect,

by any chance?

No, I don't.

My parents built it before my sister and I were born.

You have a sister? Yeah.

I told you she had an older sister.

No, I don't think you did, Peter.

The only thing you told me was not to smoke in the car,

which I forgot.

My mistake.

But nothing about an older sister,

as far as I remember.

I told him.

That's fine. I don't care.

Anyway, it's a lovely home, and...

Thank you.

And I would love to know who built it sometime,

if you're ever talking to your parents and remember.

Sure. Great.

Yeah. Thank you.

I build homes.

I don't know if Peter-

he probably mentioned that you.

No, he didn't.

Well, I didn't tell her that because that's not true.

I'm sorry?