X-Ray (Przeswietlenie) (Przeswietlenie)

X-ray

It was a real blow...

It's been 3 years now but I still can't get over it.

I try to take it with a pinch of salt...

but only not to see things so clearly.

I resent my fate.

It's handicapped us, discarded us and made us inactive.

I don't want to throw around empty metaphors

but it's as though you're a theatre audience.

You can watch but you can't take part yourself.

I'm a, how shall I say,

a social animal.

I like having people around me.

I want to know everything.

I'm one of those people who will squeeze in everywhere.

I mean, I'm not a sly boots or anything,

I just seem to get through to people easily.

And this illness obviously rules out certain things right from the word go.

Some people really brought it home to me...

What got me down the most was that it was the people...

the closest people, or at least I'd thought of them as such.

If your lungs stop you from doing your job,

and I'm a brass musician,

then you're forced to give it up and come up with something else to do,

which is not so simple once you hit 40.

It's a tad too late to look for a profession.

When I'm in charge of a construction site I know that,

right here, there's going to be a building.

And, how shall I put it, it's something that's there to stay,

and, you know, you can't just rub it out.

You do some jobs

and there's nothing there afterwards.

For instance, when you're lucky with your programme

and it includes pieces that you like, or love.

When they happen to be in your repertoire you feel this strange pleasure when

you hear individual sections of those pieces.

I guess, I miss that more than anything.

So here I am. I miss it...

What can I say, I'm practically a nobody here...

I'm dying to get onto a building site.

That's where I am somebody...

Here I'm torn up by the roots.

I even loose my confidence.

I need to find myself something to do. You deliberately come up with things.

I never used to do any craftwork,

and some time ago I just started to do these tapestries.

There's over 3 thousand knots on each one,

but I did them out of necessity, to make the day go by.

When I came here, I thought I'd found a perfect retreat.

Comfort, excellent conditions, food served on time,

cleanliness, lots of sleep and not a worry in the world.

After three months I'd had it completely.

I'm going on leave today.

Sometimes I shop for silly bits and bobs at my old shops.

I get peculiar pleasure out of joining the queue, whereas in the past