Chinese Speaking Vampires

I made it.

I made it on time.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm here for the audition.

Tony Scott.

Just sign in here and go in.

Tony, you can do this.

You need this.

Wish me luck.

Right.

Actors.

This is...

Tony Scott.

Ni-Hao, Tony.

Nice to meet you.

I am Li Wen.

I'm the co-director of this production.

And this is our American director-

Steven Steinberg, hey.

I know who you are.

Big fan.

Nice to meet you, Tony.

Hope you don't mind if I sit in on your audition.

Please do.

Should I...

Yes.

Whenever you're ready.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Tony Scott, auditioning for the role of Harrigan.

Very good.

Love your energy.

- If you don't mind, I'd like you to improvise a scene.

Oh.

Okay.

You mean in Mandarin?

Yes.

I just learned this one scene,

I don't actually speak Chinese.

- We specifically requested to only see actors

who can speak Mandarin.

I can-

I can learn.

I mean, I'd love to.

That's okay.

Thanks for coming.

Seriously.

I am a quick learner.

A-ha.

I found it!

Crap.

Tony!

Hey, Mr. Drucker.

Where the hell are you?

I sent you out for delivery over an hour ago!

Yeah, traffic is extra bad today.

Sorry.

Don't give me that old traffic routine.

You're on a bike, for god's sakes.

Now you better not be going to auditions

while you're on the clock.

You know I can't-

Oh, I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm heading back there soon.

See you soon.

Hello?

Hey Tony.

How's my new cash cow?

Oh, I've seen greener pastures.

- Yeah, well, I heard the audition didn't go well.

Yeah.

You didn't tell me they wanted someone

that actually knows Mandarin.

I just knew that one scene.

I barely even knew what I was saying.

- Yeah, I know, it's my fault, and I never say that.

- Yeah, I looked like a complete idiot in front of Steven.

You know, I would have prepared more

if you would've told me.

Hey, you know what?

Forget it.

I'm fixing it.

How are you fixing it?

- As luck would have it, the lead after needs

a few more weeks on his current project,

so they're pushing the whole production back a month.

And I convinced them to bring you back in

for another audition at that date.

Think you can learn Mandarin in a month?

I'm not sure about that.

Isn't it like one of the hardest languages to learn?

- Tony, this is going to be a big movie in China,

and you were perfect for the role.

They love your look.

All you have to do is learn some basics of the language

and they'll teach you the rest.

Can you do it?

I guess so.

I mean, sure, I can do that.

Love it.

Okay, bye.

Hello?

Hello, Gina?

Hi Tony.

What's up?

- Hey, I went to that audition and they liked me, but...

But what?

- Well, they said I can go study hard for a month

and then if I'm good enough, - No, Tony.

they might give me the role.

I said no.

Look, I know you're busy.

It's just that, well, you know, I need your help again.

What is with you, Tony?

I spent time helping you learning those lines

and now you want more.

You don't get it!

Even when we were together, I tried to teach you,

but you never tried hard enough.

I did try.

I'm done helping.

My parents also won't accept you.

You can't talk to them.

How's that gonna work?

I think it's best we don't do this to each other.

Good luck, Tony.

Bye. - Gina, wait.

Hello, hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Ni hao.

How can I help you today?

I was thinking of taking some classes,

but I was wondering-

Shh!

Why don't we go into my office?

Okay.

My name is Genji Ma.

At this school, everybody call me Mr. Ma.

Hi.

I'm Tony.

Nice to meet you.

- So why you wanna learn the Chinese language?

Are you planning the trip to China

or trying to impress a girl?

No, no girl unfortunately.

I mean, there was, but I lost her.

Anyway, I'm probably going to China pretty soon.

That is if I can land this Chinese speaking role.

Ah, you are an actor.

Yeah, well trying to be.

And actually, I was wondering,

do you have any intensive training courses or something?

Because I would need to try to have a handle on it

within a month.

A month is not a long time.

I promise I can study really hard.

I can be a great student.

Okay.

I think we can figure something out.

Great.

That's great.

Thank you so much, man.

Your first class is Monday at 8:00 PM.

At night?

Yes.

We only do the night class here.

Done.

Thank you so much, Mr. Ma.

Can't wait.

Okay.

The pleasure is mine, okay?

Hey buddy.

Feel like getting laid tonight?

What?

Your brother's in town and we're going to the club.

So, wear something nice and don't embarrass us, all right?

I'm out!

Let's get this party started!

Turn this up!

All right, I'm drunk enough.

I'm gonna go do some talent scouting.

- That's ironic because he's the one about to get shot down.

Eh, let him have his fun.

Ni hao, what is that?

Ni hao.

Oh hey there, you girls are getting wild tonight.

Is tonight just one of those nights?

Oh shit.

What's up? What's up?

Those girls over there,

they go to my Chinese language school.

Those girls?

Those girls?

Yeah.

Put your hand down.

Okay, okay.

They're smoking.

Wait, you're going to a Chinese language school?

Yes.