American Thief

Man in the van here coming at you live from the van.

Just look at that.

Look at this beauty.

You know the other day I was talking

to someone about how I got blisters on my feet

from all the walking I do.

The very same day, I start getting ads for these insoles.

Homeopathic remedies for my blisters.

Is this, does that sound familiar to you?

That ever happen to you?

Listen, folks.

Hi.

You like the changes?

Listen.

What we buy, what we do, when we do it,

who we do it with, why we do what we do.

All of that information is being saved

and stored in a building like that.

Huh?

But if you think, if you think for one minute

that the technology that their using is being used

to sell us, uh,

bicycle tires, and funky hats, basketballs, bike helmets,

because of the jackets we wear, listen, you're wrong.

The marketing algorithms are just the beginning.

The tip of the iceberg of what the bigger plan is.

You have any idea what it is?

I do.

Brace yourself because what we're headed for-

Coming in on the hour, the polls are about

to close in a number of key states

and we'll be able to make some early projections here

in just a bit.

Now in the last two presidential elections,

news outlets were able to call the election

as early as 11 p.m., but it's not shaping up-

Today is November 8th, 2016.

My name is Paul Hunter.

I'm not quite sure what's happening or why.

But I do know one thing and I'll share that with you.

And that's the truth.

My truth.

You do with that what you see fit.

That is why I am running

for president of the United States.

We begin a political revolution to transform

our country economically, politically, socially,

and environmentally.

I am officially running

for president of the United States,

and we are going to make our country great again.

Don't shoot me.

Almost there.

Almost there.

Bro, you're never gonna get it.

Check this out.

Get your fucking rebate.

Oh, man!

That was, that was sick.

You a crazy motherfucker, Ton.

I won the bet.

Give me the logins.

Sending to your phone.

Only for you though.

Don't share.

Come on, Meeks!

Peace.

What do you need the codes for anyway?

Don't worry about it.

I gotta go.

- I'll see ya later. - Wait, come on!

I'm, I'm scared because there are a lot

of very time sensitive issues, um,

globally speaking, and I just think, like,

sometimes, you know, you can take one step forward

and two steps back and that happens,

but, like, not when you're near cliffs.

We've seen riots

and we've seen violence continuously following this campaign

and, really, I mean, if there's enough of that, then,

I mean, you don't need that much more to be able

to declare marshal law

and it's really scary to think that something

like that could happen.

What are we gonna do about it?

I mean no one, no one really cares.

No one really listens.

That's the problem.

That is the problem

And it's, like, figuring out how to get them to listen.

We gotta shock them.

We have to, like, wake people up.

Like-

- How the fuck do you do that though?

With something provocative.

Radical.

Like crazy.

Like, the things that they've looked up

and like they've done?

Oh, man.

That's the worst.

I remember the first time

I hacked into somebody's phone it

was actually my boss's phone.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

He was my manager actually.

And I saw his dick pic.

Oh, my god.

It was the first dick pic I've seen

of someone else's dick besides my dick.

It was crazy.

It was crazy.

I wasn't ready.

What's the craziest part is the fact that the government

has all these pictures.

- Yeah. - That's what blows my mind.

And people don't even know.

Like, they act like they don't care.

But, like, once we bring up, like, certain points about it-

Right.

Like we could tell them oh, oh, uh, the government looks

into all your messages.

And they're like, "So?"

But if you tell they have your dick pic, they're like, "Oh!

Not my dick."

Yeah, right?

Oooh, shit.

I think, I think that could be it.

You think that would work?

I think so.

I think, I think people would definitely listen.

Yeah, yeah.

If we show every, imagine, like,

we stop and we send everybody's dick pics

back to their phone.

Bro, they would go fucking wild.

Yo, right?

I mean, the government is already tapped

into all of our information anyway.

We just gotta hack into their servers and just-

Imagine your co-worker comes up to you

and shows you a picture of your dick.

It's, yo-

I'm telling you.

This is, that's exactly how we have to do it.

Nah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think so, bro.

I think so.

People would listen.