Bottom Feeders

- It's not healthy is all I'm saying, man.

You get backed up like that,

you're bound to explode.

It's really not a problem.

Not a problem?

John, how many years ago did Nichole leave you,

and you hadn't been with anyone else since?

People are starting to talk, man,

and the Pope called last week to see if you were okay.

What did you tell him?

I told me better change

the church's position on masturbation,

otherwise you're liable to lose your immortal soul.

- What exactly is the church's stance on masturbation?

Sitting I think.

I mean, seriously, man, what's the problem?

I don't know, man.

It's hard meeting people.

I'm out of practice.

What practice?

All you gonna do is meet 'em, smile,

get in there and jam.

All right, you're right,

but I don't know, man, fuck,

I just wish I hadn't fallen in love with her, you know.

No, that word.

What word?

- That is the word the Knights of Ni cannot hear, John.

Oh, fuck off.

Oh, I think my ride's here.

- (laughs) What did she finally get her learners permit?

No, (blows raspberries).

Okay, okay.

Whatever, more for me.

Oh Steve, look what you're missing out on.

Morning boys.

What's the score?

Oh, hey man.

What's up, chief?

I'm winning.

Ah, bullshit!

And easy with that chief crap,

I'm one-16th Native American.

- Fucker! - Oh hey!

Lighten up, Francis.

Ah, it's Frank, asshole.

Psycho!

- Fucking white people. - I know, right?

John, get up.

Am I interrupting something?

Possibly a world record.

I'll call Guinness.

Mm, what are we late again or something?

- All considering classes started last week.

No, no, I'd say we're right on time.

- Mm, all right, give me a second, I'll be ready.

Atta boy.

Let's go learn, man.

- This kind of looks the staff parking lot...

- I'm surprised they still let us come back here.

Especially with the last year, man.

Oh yeah, when we shit in that trash can,

oh my God.

It was in the girls' bathroom,

that was the problem.

You're gonna be on TV?

Well, the math doesn't even add up.

Ooh, hey, I don't think we should be here today, man.

What are you talking about?

Dude, is that- - No, no.

- Is that- - No, it definitely isn't.

- Dude, that's Nichole. - No, it isn't,

it's somebody else.

Hey, you know, I hear your mom calling you.

What's that, Mrs. Barden?

John stole your socks again? - Hey, hey, how do I look?

You look like a lesbian,

so we should go home and change.

What does that even mean, man?

Having some trouble there?

John?

- Hey, hey! - Oh my God!

- How are you doing? - How are you,

are you still in school?

Yeah, I took a year off or three,

three years off.

So you still living with your parents?

- No, no, no, actually they're away for the summer,

so place to myself, you know.

What class do you have?

Sociology.

Actually in a couple of minutes with,

you remember Steve?

- Hey! - Oh, come on, dude.

Well, what about you?

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a long story.

At the last minute the university decided

to void my AP Chem class,

so I needed to get the credit,

get my masters and.

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, tell me about it,

but they're letting me audit it here instead of New York,

saves me like 2,000 bucks.

Oh, yeah, who's teaching that class?

Williams.

Oh my God, dude,

we're in that class too.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Sure, that's why you missed the first day.

- Well, yeah, I mean we had some scheduling problems,

so you know, we are actually on the way to talk

to professor- - Williams.

Williams, right now actually.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Well, I guess I'll see you in class then.

Yes, you will, study buddies?

- Sure. - All right.

You look good, John.

You too.

- Call me? - Yes, absolutely.

Okay.

- Six years of rehabilitation down the drain.

We have to get into Chem, man.

John, I'm your friend,

let's keep it that way.

Let's go to Chem, let's go to Chem.

You're doing that stupid dance

isn't gonna makes me wanna go any faster.

- Let's go to Chem. - I have it,

it's not gonna help anyone.

Excuse me, Professor Williams.

Yeah.

- I'm trying to get into your advanced chemistry class,

but they won't let me register without your signature.

Well, you're a week late.

I'm sorry, I can't catch up now.

You have to wait till next semester to sign up.

- Right, sorry, we wasted your time, come on, man.

No, no, no, no, no.

Sir, my entire future depends on me getting

into this class this semester.

You know, this class is no joke.

And I'm not laughing.

Okay, what's the atomic weight of Xenon.

131.29.

Wow, welcome to the class.

Catch up on your own,

and we're starting chapter four, Mr?

Barden, John Barden,

and thank you, you're not gonna regret this really.

Come on.

- Dude, dude, how the hell did you know that?

- Oh dude, you said I was an idiot for buying this shirt.

- I said you were an idiot for buying 20 of those.

Well, I don't like to do laundry.

- So anyways, I woke up and I was like, wait,

that was your dog licking me?

'Cause I definitely thought it was you.

It was so weird.

Well, all the hallways look the same.

Hey, are we in the sociology wing?