Horror Hospital

Now make a clean job of it, Frederick.

The car was washed this morning.

Now, Frederick.

That'll teach them to try and run away from us.

Be sure not to let it happen again, Frederick.

Look at that.

They stole my song.

Whole week's work up the spout.

Silly little red faggot swirling about in his own smoke.

Who does she think she is?

Greeta Garbo?

Looks more like a Lemon Meringue Pie on heat.

What you want, faggot boy, hey?

Oh, I'm getting out of this bloody music business.

All I did was make those shits a present of a song.

- Have you been snorting coke again, Jason?

Piss off.

You're quite right, Jason, you should get away.

Yes Jason, go away to the country for a few days.

You could do with a rest.

Yes, and you'll need the funny farm.

Hey, look at this.

A holiday.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I think I will.

Sun and fun for the under 30's.

Well that's me, just.

Hairy Holidays.

Yeah, I fancy something a little hairy.

Yeah, might be some nice birds down there.

Ah, come on in.

What can I do for you?

Well it's this uh, Hairy Holiday.

Just what do you have in mind?

How about a nice sunny trip to the Bahamas?

Oh.

A cheap charter to the sand dunes of the Sahara?

Ah, here we are, just the thing.

How about a few days in the country,

fresh air, birds, flowers

and storm your way back to health?

Ah yes, you could do with a few early nights, couldn't you?

Yes, this is what I was thinking of.

How much does it cost?

Well for you dear, we'll make a special price,

25 pounds for the whole week, all in.

Yes, well, that seems all right.

Uh, I'd like to go now, today.

Well here's the address

and the instructions how to get there

and there's one of their cards.

Ah, thanks.

No, no, no pay when you get there.

But if you ever change your mind

about that trip to the Bahamas,

come and see me and we'll work something out together, eh?

Oh yes, sure.

Goodbye, young man

and enjoy yourselves.

Hi, that taste good?

It's not bad, thank you very much.

Well you're lucky, I didn't have time for any lunch.

Here, would you like one of these apples?

I think I'll go and get some coffee.

There's no need to get so uptight about things.

I'm not gonna rape you.

I'm sorry,

but I'm always a bit timid with people on trains.

Would you like a piece of cheese as well?

Right, let's start again.

Where are you going?

To visit my aunt.

It's rather strange really.

I've never met her.

Well she used to run a house

in the red light district of Hamburg

before the second World War.

But my mother had a terrible rile with her

because of her whore house

and I was never allowed to meet her,

but now mother's died and Aunt Harris

is my only living relative.

Oh Harris wasn't her real name.

She always wore Harris tweed suits.

That's how she got her nickname.

She has to execute my mother's will.

But why can't you?

Well because,

isn't it funny how one doesn't mind

telling strangers secrets?

You see, mother never married and I'm well, illegitimate.

Oh hell, nobody gives a damn

about that sort of thing now-a-days.

No, not now, but they did in those days.

That's why mother and Aunt Harris never saw eye-to-eye.

Aunt Harris accused my mother of being a hypocrite,

but why shouldn't she run a brothel

when her sister wasn't even married?

I think that's why mother stayed single all her life,

just to spite my aunt.

Then the war came and Aunt Harris met up with

this strange Finnish doctor.

The brothel was bombed and she moved to Helsinki with him.

He's a real weirdie, old Storm.

Oh so you're going to Brittle House too?

How did you guess?

Well old Storm advertised in the paper

for his health hotel and I'm gonna go there

and try and get myself together.

Had a bad time with a group I've been with.

Really, what happened?

Not much, had a rile of a song I wrote and lost me job.

Was it a good song?

Well I thought so.

So did our manager, that's why he slung me out.

Will you sing it for me now?

I wrote to my aunt and asked her

to send a car to the station.

We can give you a lift if you like.

Fantastic.

Anyway, your Dr. Storm is supposed to have

this really weird therapy which is supposed to

cure all your hangups in a week.

I can just imagine them getting up to something like that.

Why?

Oh nothing.

Popular place, isn't it?

Mm.

All right.

Your tickets please.

Oh yeah,

okay?

You sure you wrote to your aunt?

Well she didn't reply, but I did post the letter

over a week ago in London.

Well they'll be here soon.

Oh come on, let's go and sit down.

Look, there must be a bus or something.

I'll go and ask the old man.

Yeah, excuse me,

could you tell me how to get to Brittle House Manor?

We were gonna be met, but nobody came.

You go up the slope,

turn right,

it's about two miles up the road.

There's a sign.

Right, thanks.

Hello?

Is that the manor?

Well, you have two here and they have not been met.

Yes, I've sent them on their way.

You sure you don't want me to take the case?

No, no thanks.

Oh shit.

At this rate, we'll catch pneumonia

before we even get to the health hotel.

I'd give anything for a nice cup of tea.

Yeah, me too.

With a touch of something in it.

Definitely.

Oh, blimey.

Oh look, look, we'll go and shelter in that old arch, yes?

Yeah.

Oh hey, you're nice.

What's your name?

Judy, Judy Peters, what's yours?

Jason, Jason Jones, pleased to meet you.

Oh.

Listen, Judy, let's run back to the station.

Jesus, I'd rather spend the night

on the platform than here, yes?

Yes.

Right.

Thank you.

Cheery, isn't it?

Jolly little place.

My you look like a couple of drowned rats.

You'd better come inside.

Hi, I'm Jason Jones.

Really?

You didn't reserve.

Well, I've come from Hairy Holidays.

Oh, I can see that.

Well, I have got one room left.

But you don't understand, we're not exactly together.

Yet.

Well what is it then?

I have only got one room.

You'll have to take it for the night anyway.

But you don't understand, I'm here to see my Aunt Harris.

You're,

I thought I wrote and told you not to come.

So you're Aunt Harris?

Well I didn't get a letter.

Well, we'll talk about that later.

You'd better go and change your wet things.

Frederick will show you to your room.

It's a large room.

You'll be able to arrange something.

Just married or is it a couple of runaways then?