That '70s Show

Okay, Michael, I want you to take me to the movies today.

I'm way ahead of you, Jackie. 2:00, smokey and the bandit.

No. No, no, no.

I told you. I don' t want to see that again.

I don't like the south.

Do you want to see the goodbye girl?

Well, I would, but it has 2 basic flaws:

No smokey and no bandit.

Yeah, plus, isn' t the goodbye girl,

like, a girl movie?

You moron. A girl movie is a make-out movie.

Well, then I'm in.

Me, too. I will come and watch.

Okay...

T-minus one hour till the garage sale.

Oh, ha ha! I feel like an astronaut.

Oh, red. Remember how bad Eric wanted these roller skates?

Oh... the yo- yo.

Aww...

Your plastic vomit.

I fell for that.

Yeah.

You wasted a lot of my money, son.

Me and my damn childhood.

You know, Mrs. Forman, I feel real bad.

I mean, you let me stay here and everything.

I wish I had something to contribute to your garage sale.

Oh, Steven, your loving smile is contribution enough.

No, it's not.

Run that upstairs.

You heard him, kelso. Move it.

Hey, uh, dad,

donnaand I were gonna see the goodbye girl.

Yeah. well, I'm sure it's a great movie, Eric...

But you're gonna be helping with the garage sale.

It's important.

Oh, right. We're having a garage sale

because you lost your job--i mean,

because of all the clutter.

Everybody needs to work, Eric.

The gravy train has made its last stop.

Okay, there was a gravy train?

Yup. And you missed it.

Oh, Steven, I have a great idea.

You could sell lemonade.

Mrs. Forman, I've thrown a lot of rocks

at kids with lemonade stands, and...

Lord knows I hate a hypocrite.

You could have a little bake sale.

I pretty much beat up any kid selling anything.

Steven, you could-- you could just do a little table

with some cookies and some brownies...

I'm not much of--

brownies?

I could make brownies.

Because people love brownies!

No, they don' t.

Oh, they love my brownies.

Hello, Wisconsin!

Oh, Steven,

you are such a joy to have around the house.

I can' t believe your mother abandoned you.

I mean, went on such a long trip.

Boy, I sure do like brownies.

Hey, uh, you know what's got 2 thumbs

and really likes brownies?

This guy!

Hyde! Oh, come on!

I'm asking you not to make these brownies.

I mean, my mom and dad are...

Way too fat!

Nice cover.

You know what, Eric, you just leave him alone.

This is Steven's contribution to our garage sale.

And I happen to know

that you put the special ingredient in these brownies.

"Special ingredient"? I told him not to!

Yes.

Love!

Oh, yeah.

There's a whole big bag of love in there.

Mom,

crazy Helen from across the street is switching price tags,

and dad says he's gonna kick her in the keister.

Oh, no. He'll do it, too.

Hi, kelso.

Oh, look! It's chocolate batter.

I sure do wish I could finish

all this chocolate batter on my finger,

but...i just can' t.

Oh!

Guess I can. Bye.

Man, I was so close!

Hey, you--

god, you can' t make special brownies

in my parents' kitchen.

Oh, no.

I already made them. If only you'd warned me sooner.

Come on, man, I'm serious.

Look, forman, relax, man, okay?

Yeah, I'm making special brownies,

but I'm also making regular brownies

for the "straight folks"

or "losers."

Yeah.

Someday I'm gonna own a restaurant,

and everything's gonna be special.

And then when people ask me, they say,

"hey, kelso, what's the special?"

I'm gonna say, "everything."

I can' t believe you'd rather stay here

than go see a movie with me.

Oh, believe me, Donna, I'd love to go,

but red said I can't, and...

Well, he can kick my ass.

Eric, I can kick your ass.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Let's go.

Let's go. Come on. Bring it on.

Come on! You want a big piece of me?

Let's go!

Man, what are you doing?

I'm lonely.

Okay...

Daddy, I've rounded up some things

to help the family out in these trying times.

There. You see, Eric?

Your sister's a team player.

No. These are all my things.

Grow up, Eric. They're g.I. Joes.

Yeah.

G.i. Joes with kung-fu grip!

What a bitch...

...aroony doony.

Do you now or have you ever had any association

with the point place police department?

All right. Here's your brownie.

You got about 30 minutes to get someplace safe.

Kitty...

I noticed you're selling

the kissing dolphins Bob and I bought you.

You know, what is that doing on this table?

Red, I told you not to sell that.

Give it to me. I'll just-- I'll run it right back

into the house.

Oh. And, red,

you're also selling that pocket fisherman

we gave you for Christmas.

Don' t you want to run that back into the house too?

No, Bob. That was a really dumb gift.

Okay, so...

The goodbye girl starts at 2:00, so I'd better go.

Well, I guess this is good-bye. Girl. Ha ha!

Fez, you're so funny!

Well, hello, Jackie.

Did you see that, Fez? Yes, you did.

She may be taking my popcorn, but she knows

there is more in my lap than that.

She wants you, old boy.

Now's your chance.

Be smooth.

Think Ricardo montalban.

Just turn...

Lock eyes...

Go!

Wait, wait, Fez, what are you doing?

Oh, my god!

You're a dead man!

Could I have avoided this? Let's review.

First, Jackie said I was funny.

Next, she ate popcorn from my groin.

Then I sucked her face.

Nope. It was meant to be.

Fez: Ayyy!

Forman, this doesn' t make any sense.

I'm out of brownies, but I should have more money.

Hyde, that's dirty money. There's never enough.

No, man. It's like I lost

an entire tray of brownies.

Wait, what kind of brownies did you lose, Hyde?

Were they regular brownies?

They were special brownies.

Ah! Where was the last place you had them?

In the oven.

In my mother's oven?

Oh, now, Steven, your brownies were a big hit.

You know...

I'm glad the plant is closing.

It frees me up to do my own thing.

You said "do my own thing"!

Oh, red. Your own thing.

That 's so hip!

I love salt.

I like that word "hip."

It kinda pops, you know?

Hip. Hip.

Hip-puh!

I can see my own mouth!

You know what's beautiful?