Four More Shots Please

I like cardio.

That's why I ran away and came here.

New friends. A new life.

But no matter how far we run,

can we really run away from ourselves?

Hi!

Oh...sa...ka...

Osaka.

You don't look Japanese.

No, no...

It's Umang.

I know, Umang.

We've met before. At the gym. Remember?

Come in.

This way.

This film is very important for my career.

I mean, a woman reaches a certain age...

...and the movies just dry up.

You know, all these 50 year old film stars...

...they all want 22 year old heroines.

So...

I'm producing this film.

It's about an ordinary middle class Indian girl...

...who goes on to becoming India's first MMA World Champion.

Against all odds!

So...

I have to look like I can fuckin' fight!

And when I walked into the gym and saw you bench a 100...

...I knew right away...

...that only you can train me.

So... am I being too ambitious?

No...possible...

Not possible?

Ah! Shit!

I knew it wouldn't be possible.

No, no, I meant...

...of course it's possible.

Why isn't it possible? Anything is possible!

I mean take the word 'impossible' for instance.

It has 'I-M-POSSIBLE' hidden in it.

#sweatisfatcrying #knowhowtogohome

#liftallday

Just have a little faith and it's going to be absolutely...

Oh!

Oh!

Did you smoke up before coming here?

No.

Sorry...

I'm such an ass!

Don't look at me like that...

Are you going to now tax me for looking at you?

Umi, we were young and naïve back then.

Naïve...

I'm now 24...

I want to get married...

Fast for my husband...

I want kids...

Just not with me.

Haven't you studied biology?

When you're with me,

I understand biology a little better.

Umi, the sooner you understand this, the better.

We have no future together.

Why?

Who says so?

Because only a privileged few have the right to fall in love.

The rest of us have to get married.

'We have to do this, we have to be responsible...'

Since when have you started wallowing in this kind of nonsense?

C'mon, let's run away to Mumbai together!

What shenanigans are the two of you up to?

We were just doing some cardio.

Trying to get some running practice going.

Pinky, you're looking so pretty in this pink outfit.

I'm starving. Make me something to eat...

Of course, in a minute.

And you...

...go get me some water.

How about you jump in a well and drown yourself!

Who's going to marry you if you keep up this attitude?

Unlike you, I'm not desperate to get married.

Insolent!

How do you even kiss him?

Doesn't he make you want to puke?

He's your brother...

...for me, just a husband.

I told you, you've put on weight Siddhi.

What is this?

Deepika, what are we going to do with this girl?

Sneha, relax.

I've worked on such cases before.

I had a client who's lost 40 kilos.

But you know my chums are going to start in a few days...

So maybe it's the water retention... -Siddhi, please.

This is not water retention.

You know, we have a community temple in New Jersey...

We have a matchmaker there, Mrs. Desai.

I sent her Siddhi's portfolio.

You know, the bitch turned around and told me...

...once Siddhi is a size zero,

send me her new portfolio.

Can you imagine?

Okay Siddhi, we'll put you on the PC plan.

Priyanka Chopra's diet plan?

No.

PC.

Portion Control.

From now, you will eat as much in quantity...

...and in variety as a 10 month baby.

I'm guaranteeing you...

3 kilos a week loss.

So spinach soup, lentil water, mashed veggies...

Baby formula!

Oh sorry, you're being serious.

This is all my mother-in-law's fault.

When I was pregnant,

she would feed me high calorie sweets everyday!

Siddhi's birth weight was 4.1 kilos.

I had to get 8 stitches.

And, of course, I've had to spend a fortune on tightening procedures!

And all your friends...

...are size zero.

Zero.

I'm also size zero.

Except there's a one in front.

23 years it took me to figure out why Sneha hates my guts.

Yes!

Because I tore her vagina to shreds.

Poor thing...

I wonder what she feels during an orgasm.

Ewww! That's my mom!

I've heard there are creams for vagina tightening and lightening.

What?!

Which means men want fair and glowing down there as well.

But of course, it must glow in the dark.

Yes!

Losers!

You guys cheat too much.

In any case, after Arya's birth, I'm sure I look like a...

...train wreck down there.

What do you mean?

Do you bathe with your eyes closed?

Guys, it has no use for me.

I haven't had sex since Arya was born.

Anj...Arya's almost four.

Plus half my pregnancy.

Regrown virginity.

It's an actual term.

I've read about it.

You mean the hymen grows back?

It's not exactly a lizard's tail that will grow back when it wants to!

But serious doubt... how do you masturbate?

I don't.

Oh my goodness! Seriously?

Why are you shouldering the burden of the whole world?

You just...really need to relax.

Do any of you have a compact?

No...

Thank you.

Go to the loo and make friends with Vagayanti.

Vagayanti is your one.

Mine is more like...

Ms.VeeVee.

VeeVee rhymes with PeePee... I like it.

Guys, that's my most expensive compact.

So?

She's not slipping it in... just taking a sneak peak.

Ms.VeeVee must have spun cobwebs down there by now.

Don't behave so badly with the poor thing!

Ahem.

You ladies done discussing your lady parts?

In fact, now we're discussing gent's parts.

So...how big is yours?

Oh.

Okay so...

...there you are.

Ms.VeeVee...

...any cobwebs yet?

Nope.

I'm strong.

How strong?

Can you shoot out ping pong balls?

Well, I did shoot Arya out after all.

There's a pool table outside.

Do you want to try with a cue ball?

Fuck!

This is ridiculous!

Fuck!

But...

...why is it ridiculous Anjana?

Don't I...

...deserve a little fun?

Fun?

Do you remember all the crazy things we did with Varun?

Sometimes four times in a night!

He was our Mount Vesuvius.

And he destroyed everything...

...that came in his path!

Fuck!

No, no, please keep it! Sanitize it.