Night Nurse (L'infermiera di notte)

The Night Nurse

- Relax! Relax! - Ahh!

It's nothing, I just put a hole in your jacket.

Rest, I'm going to greet a new customer.

That's my niece! She arrived yesterday from Rome.

You should have said something sooner! I would have brought her in.

Relax!

Good morning Miss. Please come in.

- Hello. - I'm Angela.

- You're the niece? - Yes. - Your aunt is like a child!

- She whines constantly! - She's afraid.

Excuse me, miss.

- Here is your niece! - Thank you. - So calm down.

- We try again. Do you have dental problems? - Fortunately no.

- A cavity in your canine? - No.

- Let me tell you something funny.

Every five canines you get a free bulldog!

Peppino, Get the dentures!

- It must be these. - Is it all here? - Yup.

One moment. Here, madam.

Open your mouth... There!

It looks like Dracula!

It's rubbish, there must be a mistake.

Come closer.

- Goodbye. Come back any time. - See you soon, Doctor.

- Bring your beautiful niece! - See you later.

Santa Imelda of the Dolomites, give her gingivitis! I can heal her!

My love!

Asshole! You're flirting with young girls now!?

She's a tasteless girl, I was just having a little conversation.

- I'm sick of making love here! - This is the only place we can be alone.

My wife never comes here, this is my kingdom.

You'll see! We will make love eight times like bunnies!

I will be an organ that vibrates for you and for me!

I found the right dentures.

However you got the wrong moment!

- Really? - Can not you see I'm... working?

- I'm doing a filling. - What about me?

As a child she had a...

None of your business! Go away!

It's none of my business.

Where did that frog come from?

Peppino is a little prick, it does not matter. We think about us!

Sit down!

St. Sabino Di Canosa, you are meaty!

I show you a new position of the Kamasutra... aaahhh!

Are you getting turned on?

It's a new armchair, I do not know how it works yet.

Why are you leaning me back?

-Look at the lamp. -Why?

To make it like an operating room. Let's try.

Hurry up!

- Do you know what I have prepared? - Pasta and broccoli.

- How did you get it? - The aroma.

The neighbour below asked "Have you repaired the sewer?"

Sewer! She is a sewer!

- Do you like it? - Yes, everyone likes it, even to Carlino!

- Screw her if she didn't like it! - Regina calm down!

Is she an expert in culinary art!?

She does not understand shit!

Hurry up, it's half past eight and I have to go out.

- Go dancing? - No, Wednesday I have the Pharmacology exam.

- I can not waste time with dancing. - Love, I would like cheese.

- We have to fire Regina! - Yes. Yes.

Forget about Pharmacology, you have to study "feminology"!

Bring a woman, we make a duet father and son.

We put her in the bathtub with her tits...

The cheese.

Two teaspoons.

You need to have fun...

- So he becomes a womanizing toothpuller like you. - Do not call me "toothpuller"

I am good and gentle, but if I get angry...

- I'll be good. - Always the same story!

Later I will bring you a sandwich.

- Remember the garbage. - Yes. Yes.

- Doctor, how lucky to meet you! - Who me?

Yes, I need advice. Come with me.

- But I... - Just a moment.

Come sit. Excuse me if I take advantage, but I have very strong pains.

I am a fourth year student, I am not a doctor.

What does it matter?

I am a "Mrs." but my husband is never around.

He is never here and when he is, he sleeps.

You seem very intelligent and maybe you can give me some advice.

I'm in pain from here...

all the way down to here.

- It takes my breath away. - Me too.

Touch it. Feel that swelling.

I need a massage, but I can't reach it myself.

And then I'd like to show it to you.

What?

The ointment. Wait, doctor.

- Who is this boxer? - That's my husband.

The doctor prescribed this for me. But...

Where did he go?

What a crazy thing! He left the trash.

Hey! Hey!

- Why do you talk to me that way? - Sorry.

- Is it a telegram? - Yes, but there is nobody.

- I'll take it back. - No, it might be urgent.

It's none of your business!

It's a dental office, it's closed.

- So I'm an asshole? - Give me the telegram. - No!

Why are you shouting? I'm Dr. Pischella.

You should have said it right away!

Excuse me... I want proof.

Let's look in the eyes...

Forget it. That's a studio with an adjoining house...

...and this is a house with an adjoining study clear? - No.

Excuse me for a moment.

This is all stupid!

I'll try again, maybe he was in the bathroom.

- Here I am! I'm the dentist. - Telegram, doctor.

Next door there is a madman who looks a lot like you.

He's my twin brother, but he's an asshole.

- He's a postman. - Like me! - Exactly.

"Arrival tomorrow from Milan at 10 o'clock. Uncle Saverio."

Ah! Uncle Saverio is Uncle... of my aunt...

Who the fuck is he?

- He is daddy's brother! - In short, he's your uncle.

Look.

He spent two years in Africa in Dire Daua.

- He couldn't stay in Italy to say "Daua"? - Stop!

- Here he is at Baptism. - He was baptized late.

At my baptism! He's an exceptional man, nice, sweet.

- He's a "pleasure-seeker". - I had guessed.

He spent all his money and now comes to us.

No, he's a rich man.

A "ricchione"(fag)! That's even worse.

- They have to pay to frolic. - I tell you he's rich!

And I'm his only relative.

You are beautiful, sweet, long as a highway...

...but you have a bird's brain, believing everything that anyone tells you!

You eat everything up!

- Surely your uncle is not rich. - He got rich in Dire Daua.

How much money do you get each time you say "Daua"?

Stop that!

Fuck you and your uncle!

- Did I ever lie to you? - No.

- In the end, I say that uncle is a billionaire. - Really?

It's 12:12 pm and it still isn't here.

- Well? - He wasn't there!

- Did you go to the airport? - Of course.

- Did you page Saverio Baghetti? - Yes, Baghetti.

Look me in the face when I speak to you! You make me nervous.

- Something happened to him. - Peppino is here.

The snob took a taxi!

- Please, doctor! - Thank you.

He wasn't on the train from Milan.

- Why did you do that? - You're an asshole!

- Why did you get a taxi? - You told me to.

If uncle Saverio was there. Was he there?

- No. - Then you shouldn't have got a taxi.

- What's this? - Did you call the ambulance for a slap?

- What happened? - We're looking for Dr. Pischella.

- Right in front of you. - It's him!

- No it's me. - Giovanni, it's him!

- It's me. - I told him that it is you.

- Come on, Giovanni! - Let's see.

- Who is it? - Mr. Saverio Baghetti.

Baghetti? Uncle Saverio!

- Uncle Saverio? - What luck!

- He's alive? - Of course, I'll show you.

- Let's do the mirror test. - What do you mean?

Watch.

- The mirror is fogged up. - So?

- What does that mean? - You need a windshield wiper.

No, it means that he breathing!

- He's alive. - Yippee! - Luckily!

- Where do we take him? - To the second floor.

As soon as he arrives, he already costs me 1,300,000 lire!

Don't be petty and do not scream, you'll wake him...

...and if you have good intentions... - What good intentions?

I understand everything, he's here for a handout.

He has reached old age and since he has spent everything...

... he decided to come and die in my house!

- Aaahhh! - He's waking up. - He's alive!

Uncle!

What a beautiful site!

- What? - Oh, what a beautiful site!

- I'm in heaven? - Almost.

- It should be any time now. - Pietro!

- Pietro! - Who is Pietro?

- Keys. - Huh?

- The keys to paradise. - I do not have it. Pietro has gone out.

Do not you remember Lucia, your little niece?

Of course, I remember! My little Lucia!

My baby... my you have grown up!

- And keeps growing! - Come on, give me a kiss.

Uncle!

- Enough, uncle! - Is that Pietro? - No, he's my husband.

- I'm Nicola Pischella. - Come!

- Give him a kiss too. - No that's ok. - Give it to him!

Your microbes are nothing compared to my germs!

GONAGOCCI, BIGOCCI, TRIGOCCI...

- Madonna, save me from this virus! - I only have you in the world!

I have no more. I'm happy to die here!

What a kind thought!

Also I did not know who to leave all my money to.

I called the notary from Milan.