The Upside

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Oh, shit.

I bet you 100 I lose 'em.

- That's 100 bucks you owe me. - What?

Your silence was your bet. You know that, right?

Shit.

Step out of the car.

Step out of the car!

- Show me your hands. Hands! - My hands are right here.

- Step away! - We on our way to the hosp...

Listen to... Listen to me.

- Stop resisting. - Nobody's resisting you.

Get out of the car.

- Put your hands up and get out of the car. - He can't!

Why don't you open your eyes? Go look at the tags.

What you think's keepin' him sitting there so pretty?

There's a chair, Sarge.

Good job, Columbo.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

He's a quadriplegic.

We on our way to the hospital. The man is havin' a seizure.

Oh, Christ.

Y'all go ahead and take your sweet time though.

He's probably got a few minutes before the rigoletto sets in.

Rigor mortis.

It's rigoletto.

Quads are already paralyzed, so it's a special term.

Are y'all seriously still standing there?

Check him out.

We got a problem, guys.

You'll have a bigger problem if I don't get him to the hospital.

Call an ambulance.

You think an ambulance is faster than this car?

Boom! Huh?

Jesus.

You really sold that one, didn't you?

"Rigoletto"?

All right. So, we radioed ahead.

They're comin' out with a gurney.

- All right? - Okay.

He's gonna be fine.

Appreciate you, man.

What now?

Just over there.

Such a waste of time.

All of this.

What was I supposed to do?

You couldn't breathe.

Yvonne, I said no extraordinary measures.

Repeatedly.

Where are the signatures?

I've been looking, trust me.

I'm not paid to trust you.

Do you wanna go back to prison?

I didn't belong in prison.

You need to prove you're looking for work.

I am.

It's just that the leads that the computer

keeps choosin' for me, they not for me.

The computer don't know me.

You don't know me.

Well, I know you, Mr. Scott,

and you need three signatures by tomorrow,

or you can tell it to the judge.

What does great customer service mean to you?

Doin' the right thing. I don't know.

Tell me about a time when you worked hard to solve a problem.

This morning, gettin' up.

Do you even want to work here?

I just need a signature.

Don't give up.

Like this?

Yeah, that should do it.

Why is my cook and her husband doing this?

Because you fired David.

But we have some great resumes for life auxiliaries,

and we're gonna find you someone.

Someone you like.

I have an interview with a Mr. LaCasse.

Same.

The first elevator.

I'll send it up for you.

Wait, this thing goin' up?

You here for the cleaning gig?

Uh, life auxiliary.

Life what?

Auxiliary.

That's what they callin' it now?

White people got a name for everything.

Penthouse?

This is an apartment?

Yo.

Are you asking me to move over?

Except I'm not asking.

Just move, man.

Ain't this gig supposed to be for the whole building?

No, just for him, Mr. LaCasse.

You gotta put on your Sunday clothes just to push his broom?

So...

What would you like to tell us?

I take my relationship with my clients very personally.

And seriously, I mean...

And professionally as well, of course.

I don't hear "disability."

I hear "this ability."

Let me be your hands and your arms and your legs.

Allow the space where you begin and I end

to be both infinite and infinitesimal.

I love that. You...

All right.

Your book changed me.

So, I figured, even if I don't get the position,

I could get an autograph.

How would you get an autograph?

It's sort of an interesting thought.

The chair is a metaphor for energy.

The way I look at it, it's not what's been taken from you,

it's what you've been given.

I was with my previous client for 18 years, so can't get rid of me.

Well, I have kids of my own.

So, washing? Check. Feeding? Check.

Spills and accidents? Check, check.

I was a sociology major.

I gotta go get my kid, man.

You can't always tell by looking at someone what's wrong with them.

Now, tell me more about the previous... Excuse me.

- What are you doing? - Oh, relax, it's not a holdup.

I mean, even though you been holding me up for damn near a hour out there.

I gotta get to my kid, yo.

You need to wait your turn.

All I need is a John Hancock.

Ain't gonna take you but a second, lady.

Are you delivering something?

Yeah, employment papers. I just gotta have somebody sign it.

It's gotta be, like, a manager or the owner.

Is that you?

Nah, it ain't you. Is that you, boss?

Yes.

Fantastic, man. Just sign this for me, please.

How would I sign it?

I don't know.

Slowly?

What? Don't your arms work?

- They don't. - Damn.

What about you, sweetie?

Why do you need a signature?

I don't need a signature. My PO needs a signature.

As a matter of fact,

you should put your number down here just in case she wanna phone or check in.

That way, it look like I did what I said I was gonna do.

And if she asks, just say an extremely attractive candidate came in here,

but y'all weren't lookin' for a supermodel.

I'm sorry, who might phone?

My PO.

- PO? - His parole officer.

What's that look about?

Don't judge me. I ain't judged you.

Will you excuse us for a moment, please?

Thank you.

- I gotta get to my kid, man. - Why don't you have a seat?

No, I'm good.

So, you need a signature. You don't need a job?

I need both.

Well, then have a seat.

Please.

Have you ever done this kind of work before?

I've done every kind of work that you can do with a record.

What were you in for?

You're not allowed to ask me that question in an interview.

- Says? - Says the constitution.

As a matter of fact,

now that you asked me that question, you gotta offer me the job.

Okay.

"Okay"?

Okay, I'm offering you the position.

What? Philip, what are you doing?

I'm offering him the position.

So?

I don't wanna be your janitor, man.

Janitor? No, no. We're... We're hiring a life auxiliary.

A what? What... What is that?

He doesn't even know what he's applying for, Philip.

I need assistance.

My arms don't work, as you so astutely noted.

Nor do my legs.

I can only move my neck.

You can move your mouth.

As can you.

So, what's that mean? I gotta...

I gotta carry you around or somethin'?

You'd have to transfer me to the chair,

to my bed, to the car.

There would be some travel, if that interests you.

It don't.

Travel enough as it is.

It took me a hour just to get here.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Uh...

Look, I think your plantation is bananas.

But unfortunately, I don't wanna be nobody's servant.