Inadequate People (Неадекватные люди)

P.V. KoZlov, Doctor of Psychology

- So you're a doctor now? - Yep.

Good for you.

Come on... Just give me the keys!

If I don't take a shower now..

Then what?... You'll have to wait a little bit longer?

Anya!

Here you are.

What's that?

That's my book; you should read it.

I'd rather you just show me how to get to the apartment.

I was pretty sure there was a compass in your backpack,

stuck somewhere between a box of matches and a tin kettle.

I usually navigate by the stars.

Can't you just give me an exact address?

Anya, didn't I tell you to place schizophrenics and paranoiacs

into separate folders?

Well, I put them in the alphabetic order.

Well, I didn't tell you to put them in the alphabetic order, did I?

Did you bring any photographs?

No.

Nothing to remind me of...

Here's my business card. Your new address is on the back of it.

Take some more cards. Don't forget to recommend me to your new friends.

I'll have to live and see how your therapy works for me first.

Anya, tell him how my therapy works. Has anyone died?

See? No one's died yet.

Don't forget the book.

"Life from scratch"

lNADEQUATE PEOPLE

"Company History"

"Vacancies"

"Translator needed"

I moved to Moscow from Serpukhov seeking permanent residence.

I am a workaholic.

My strong points are..

I'm equally good at being a team player and working on my own.

I am assiduous and hard-working..

I like self-education... and I can stand my ground.

I can easily establish contact with anybody,

with no regard to sex, creedence...

sorry, creed... or religious views..

Well, what else...

Fluent in English from A to Z.

- Self-motivation.. - Yeah, yeah. And self-promotion too..

I'm sure you could go on like this for an hour,

but we've got other candidates waiting.

Imagine you are involved in an office conflict,

what will you do?

What do mean?... I will, um...

Well, I've worked for many companies, and had no conflicts...

I repeat. lmagine.

I'll do my best to avoid it.

What if a colleague hits you?

I won't hit him back.

Of course.

Most of our workers are women but regardless?

So fights break out here between women or something?

Not really.

It's just that you're a man, and I need to determine how reliable you are.

What has my sex got to do with this? Am I in the right room?

Chapter 2. Control over emotions.

What the hell...

Morning.

Good morning. I am Marina. Your boss.

I know many men think women make lousy bosses.

I hope you are not one of them.

I think that women can cook well...

Here in this company we believe...

in three fundamental ideas:

Management, efficiency, expedience

and planning.

Now, your desk is down the aisle next to Svetlana.

You go down there and get your papers.

She'll show you the ropes.

Do you like it here?

I'm sure you do.

I'm here from 1 0 am to 6 pm,

and I expect your working hours to be about the same.

Any questions?

I've got one..

A delicate matter, if you please.

Where's the bathroom?

Are you Sveta?

Yes, I am.

Well, then you will have to "show me the ropes" as Marina put it.

Alright. Not too many ropes here, though.

Here is your desk, a PC...

some paper and a pen to write with on paper.

Wo-wo, easy with all the sophisticated information, Madam.

"Madam"? Maybe I'm a "miss".

- What's wrong? - You called me "Madam".

Well, what should I call you?

"A business lady with style and a sparkle in her eyes"?

Majored in brownnosing, I see? You'll go far.

Brownnosing?!

What's your name?

Vitalik.

Vitalik..

Apart from not being born here, do you have any more virtues?

Virtues?

Vitalik is a man.

So you think that's a virtue?

Well, yeah. Different perspective, goals, more opportunities..

So what are you doing here? You could earn more doing freelance.

I could work here, or there, or wherever. I don't need to.

So why did you quit your previous job?

I got fired.

Fired for what?

For murdering a co-worker.

He used to ask too many questions.

Lt's coming, coming. Can't you hear?

Which floor?

Fifth.

Take it easy, I've already pushed the button.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't notice.

Excuse me...

is that you who bangs on my wall every night?

What's your problem?

I wake up every time you start punching the switch.

If it bothers you that much,

why don't you fix it yourself?

Who's that man?

Nobody in particular. Just a good neighbor.

- What's the good neighbor doing here? - Fixing the switch in my room.

- He lives next door, you know... - Are you alright?

Over there. Yes, I'm alright.

How about you do something for a change too?

Well, I'm already at it. I'm planning things.

Item 1 . Do my homework.

- Item 2. Clean up my room. - I hope you remember...

that your aunt and uncle are coming for dinner tonight!

Item 3. Stock up on holy water and garlic.

I am not kidding, Christine!

Get off your ass and start cleaning up this place!

Mom, It's better to clean up after the pigs are gone, not before.

I got him some anti-wrinkle cream...

- Did it work? - Look at him!

He drinks all day. Nothing will help him except therapy.

Those creams are no good anyway.

I'm teaching the kid valuable life lessons.

Christine, don't!

Stop banging your spoon, Pauline!

Pauline, be careful. Don't break your spoon.

Sit quietly.

I told you not to tease the kid, didn't I?

I'm not teasing her.

Just look at her, she was born in a problem family, what do you want?

What did you just say?

Look who's talking! You'd better keep your mouth shut.

Whenever we bring her here, she takes after you. Is that right?

Lmagine what she's telling her teachers at elementary school!

Makes my hair stand. - How about not bringing her here?

How dare you...

- You haven't considered that, have you? - I haven't.

And the old crone is your responsibility too.

She is your Grandma, too.

How dare you talk to her like this?

- Come on, she can't hear me. She's senile.

What?

Christine, someone is crossing the line here!

- I agree. Who are we talking about?

Who do you think, Granny?

- Shut up! - Christine, out!

What specifically don't you like?

Everything. That includes the way you talk and the way you look.

I bet you make your mirror sick.

I can dress up and you'll throw up.

I can undress and you'll throw up.

I didn't put those words in your mouth.

- Christine, that's it. You leave the table now!

- Why? I'm part of the family too. I might have my own dignity.

Did I hear someone say something about dignity?

Calling your Granma an old crone is very dignified.

So is teaching swear words to a kid.

Yes, it is.

Oh my God. I'm sick and tired of the whole lot of you!

Thank you for the performance.

Now leave us alone, if you please.

How dare you profane the name of God!

What? You've got exclusive rights to do that?

She's just going through a phase.

Hush. Enough of that. We're having dinner.

We should have gathered at our place.

What am I, invisible?

Who's there?

With that look on your face,

I thought I'd better walk past you. - Do you have anything to drink?

- I don't drink. - That's a good boy.

You'll live a hundred years. Any coffee?

Wow. Three doors.

Hiding from something or what?

Yeah, I'm hiding from weird neighbors like you.

Too little too late.

Do you live alone?

Yep.

No wife?

Nope.

Girlfriend? Partner?