Children Ruin Everything

Andrew, if we're gonna share a room, you gotta sleep.

Andrew, I can't stay up with you anymore.

Where were you?

Just took a little sleep on the stairs for a bit.

- I brought you your purse. - I asked for water.

- Hmm. - Here, take Andrew.

It's my turn for stairs now.

I got you, buddy. Have we tried pleading with him?

Please, buddy, please.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Uh, our daughter, - Yes?

Uh, she wants to go to the animal jail.

- Zoo. - ...to see the parkour monkeys.

Lemurs. Wait.

You already told me this twice already. You're delirious.

Uh, you brought me a purse to drink.

I need to sleep. Chuck called.

He wants me to come in tomorrow about a new position.

I... I need to sleep. I have to sleep.

If I don't sleep, I'm going to be sloppy and grumpy.

Yeah, the two worst dwarves. Maybe we try sleep training.

Andrew can cry it out.

And thus I will cry it out.

Mm-hmm.

- I think he's falling asleep. - Is he? Wait.

- Quiet. - Will he stay asleep if I get him off me

and put him back in the crib?

I don't know. I forget what you asked me.

- Okay. - Shh.

I can't. Is he awake or asleep?

Can you see back there? I can't see his eyes.

Astrid? Astrid?

Am I awake or asleep? I can't see my eyes either.

Sunny this morning...

- - and that sun is...

Hey. Excuse me.

Are you wiping your face in your sleeve?

Nuh-uh.

What's this?

Go change your shirt, please.

Viv, why was my hat in your room?

Why were you in my room?

Are those my socks?

Okay, guys, that's a lot of stealing

and trespassing going on.

Let's try to be a better influence on Andrew here.

Morris is a better name.

Well, Andrew is what we named him.

Don't I have to sign a test for you?

- Thank you. - Having a kid is life changing.

Having two is life changing again,

and also harder and less novel.

Having three is honestly a weird choice.

With three, you go from man-to-man

to zone defense against the team that has more energy,

more players, and who do not care about the rules.

Which leaves you feeling defeated sometimes.

But the game can be so fun and beautiful.

- So really there's no losing. - Except losing sleep.

Yes, we're losing a lot of sleep. And money.

Yes. And time and personal space.

And also freedom.

- Anyway, we love it. - We do.

- - Not bad.

Yeah, I think we should sign.

- Everyone should sign. - I wanna sign.

Yeah, you should sign this. Well, let's all sign.

Hi!

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Astrid.

Am I in trouble?

I don't know. Are you?

I thought you were gonna tell me the music was too loud.

It's too loud. Yeah, but that's not for me to decide.

Or is it? Where's Chuck?

Oh, he left for the private sector.

Something to do with money.

Oh, 'cause... well, he told me

to come in today about a new position.

Oh, you're the veteran data analyst.

Sick! Come in, come in.

I'm Jean-Luc, the new team leader.

Welcome aboard.

Or back, I guess.

You had a baby, right? That's nuts.

Have a seat.

Are-are you my boss?

Well, boss is so business.

We're all fam, sis.

Okay, so you're not my boss.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm your boss.

Chuck is gone and there's a lot of new people.

We are the oldest ones.

You mean I'm the oldest one.

Yes, but Chuck said you did a lot

for the city's bid for the World Cup.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What did I do?

I did lots.

I bet. Like what?

Just, uh...

Um, figuring out how to use the data to make better...

moves.

Cool.

So you've been working from home,

but could you start coming in here

a few days a week? We vibe better in person.

Yes, totally, totally.

That's my vibe, too.

Uh, and then also, um...

Forgot what I was saying. Okay.

Are you, uh, wearing two different shoes?

Yes.

I am.

Well, hello there. I'm Professor Wakey.

You mustn't fall asleep, otherwise

it will be terribly sucky for everybody.

Don't you want babies to sleep?

If he naps now, then he'll be up all night.

Then I'll be up all night.

Hey, you know what you need is some CBD oil.

That always puts me to sleep when I'm bored of being awake.

I'm not going to be drugging my baby.

No, I mean for you.

I can't be asleep if my baby's awake.

It's a lot of rules.

Saying you look pretty rough.

How's being a regional manager?

So much driving.

I mean, Toronto to Hamilton,

Toronto to Kitchener

then back to Toronto from those two places.

What happened to your, uh, plan for a secret triple life

where you've got a girl in each city?

Too much work.

I mean, I'm doing it, but they all know each other.

You know, they got a group chat going.

They're going to the Raptor game this weekend.

I can't work anymore on no sleep.

You know what? You don't need CBD oil.

You need some of these.

Why do you have so many energy drinks?

It's life on the road, man.

I got Hamilton this morning, Toronto this afternoon.

I got a date with Margo in Kitchener tonight.

We're going to see Hamilton . I'm burnt out.

At least this way I can burn out with my eyes open.

It all tastes a bit like a spoon.

Okay, so you've probably noticed that Daddy

and I have been very tired lately.

I haven't noticed anything

and I'm not going to notice anything.

My lunch had three sandwiches.

And mine had none.

Okay, so Daddy and I have been up a few nights

with your baby brother and... and - Mm-hmm.

Because I'm going back to work...

Are you sure you go back to work?

Okay, we're going to try something called sleep training.

- Is there a sensei? - Ooh, good and cool question.

We are the sensei and the training begins tonight.

What if Morris doesn't want to sleep?

Viv, we settled on the baby's name and it's Andrew.

- It's not Morris. - I haven't settled.

Okay, but the baby's name is Andrew.

I've been calling him Andy and Drew. Is that okay?

Yes, those are fine. Maybe not Drew.

Okay. Morris... Andrew.

If Andrew cries tonight, then we are just going to leave him.

Mm. He's not in danger.

He's not in pain, he just needs to learn

how to fall asleep by himself.

Will you come to my room if I cry?

Of course, buddy.

But if... if Andrew's asleep while you're crying,

just please try not to wake him up.

Yes, but you will have to cry loud enough for us to hear you.

It's a real high low sweet spot.

- Mm-hmm. -

- Look, it's happening. - Oh! Okay? All right.

It's okay. Perfectly fine.

- Ain't no thing. - It's fine. Perfectly fine.

- Not for us. - Yeah, no thanks.

- No. - Andrew!

Mommy's coming! You'll never be alone again!

I want to watch something else.

No, it's my turn to choose!

No, not there.

- Good morning. - Hi.

- Hey! - Where were you last night?

I was with Viv. She had a Red Ghost nightmare.

What? Again? Those dreams are so scary.

He cut her hair off with a saw in one.

Why do you assume it's a he?

Uh, it's a he, James.

Andrew needs his own room.

He... he smells me. He hears us.

We need to sleep before we go insane.

I don't disagree, but we don't have the room.

- Well... - No, I feel what you're thinking.

'Cause now they're going to destroy each other.

- I think it could be fun. - No.