Varsity Blues

In America we have laws,

laws against killing, laws against stealing.

And it's just accepted that as a member of American society,

you will live by these laws.

In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society

which has its own laws.

Football is a way of life.

That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends.

I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox.

As a boy growing up in West Canaan, Texas,

you never question the sanctity of football.

You just listen to what the coaches said and tried as best as you could to win.

Win at all costs.

Good morning, West Canaan. Creighton Miles here,

looking forward to seeing you tonight at Bud Kilmer Stadium

as the Coyotes take on the Bingville Bulls.

Kick-off time 7:30.

There'll be a victory celebration immediately following the game.

Think you'll play tonight?

-Do I ever play? -No, but...

Lance is the best quarterback in the state.

Why would we want anyone but him to play? Hmm?

Well, maybe if you guys are running up the score,

or what if Lance gets hurt?

Hey, don't even think about Lance going down.

That would be a disaster.

In fact, as a man of the cross, or in your case,

a man on the cross, I ask you to pray for the health of Lance Harbor.

Son, did you pray for playing time?

Yeah, I just spoke to Jesus upstairs.

What?

The crucified 11-year-old living in my room.

-Is Kyle strapped to that cross again? -(CHUCKLES) Yup.

Kyle! Why is he so difficult?

Kyle, what is it with the cross?

I'm preparing to die for all of man's sins.

That's so sweet, honey.

I want it off, now!

How's your brother supposed to concentrate on tonight's game

with you running around with this whole deal strapped to your back?

-Dad, he's just experimenting. -Enough!

I'm serious.

Now, we all need to concentrate on tonight's game!

That's probably Billy Bob.

Mo!

Hey, Mox, you skinny ass bitch, let's roll!

Come on, man! Let's get in the truck! Let's go!

Come on, Mox, earn it! Come on! You got it!

Come on. You're almost there! Here we go!

You got it! Park it, baby, yeah!

You tell him, Bacon!

All right, Bacon, off in the flatbed.

Hey, hey! Come on, man. Hey, Billy Bob!

Good boy.

Billy Bob, I'm telling you, man,

this swine fucks up my new suit, man, he's road ham!

I'm sorry, Wendell. Just kick him off.

Hey. I'm gonna toss your pig ass out on the street! Move over!

- I love that dog. - I think it's a pig.

Yeah.

I love you, brother.

I had the most beautiful dream last night.

Well, all right.

Hey, you need anything, big guy, you let me know. Come on.

Tweeter, let's go! -(WHOOPING) Yeah!

Come on, Tweeter! Let's go, dog!

Good mooning, boys, good mooning!

I been up since the crack of dawn, and I had to ask you a question.

-What is up with Carrie-Anne Baker? -Mmm. Darcy's friend?

Oh, my God! She's got this look!

Like, "I just fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree

"and hit every branch on the way down."

-Relax, man, you got to focus. -I can't focus. I need to get some ass!

I need to hit some ass!

I'm about to fuck your pig! How about that?

Give me a kiss!

Tonight, we play Bingville.

Tonight, we beat Bingville!

In my 30 years of coaching at West Canaan,

I have brought two state titles and 22 district championships!

Count them!

And this year, God willing with your support for this great team,

I will bring number 23!

-Go, pack! Go, pack! Go, pack! Yeah!

Yeah!

Now I present to you our captain, quarterback Lance Harbor.

Let's hear it!

-Hey. -Hey, you.

I swear Kilmer gets off on this. He's made your brother a god.

Uh...

I was lying in bed last night

and I drifted off to sleep, and I had a dream

that we were beating Bingville 14-3.

But I woke up kind of sad...

Aw!

... but then I cheered up when I realized it was only a dream, because

I know we'll beat Bingville by way more than that.

Tell me this insanity is over in a few weeks.

Five more games.

No more football, no more Kilmer,

and, if I get into Brown, no more West Canaan.

No more games on Friday nights?

You don't like games on Friday nights?

I like trains better.

Really? You wanna watch trains tonight?

Sure.

Hi, everybody. This is Creighton Miles,

the voice of West Canaan High School football.

And the Coyotes tonight will play the Bingville Bulls

and then try the state undefeated.

Joining me in the booth is Stubby "Stud Daddy" Tanner,

former defensive great for the Coyotes.

Welcome to the booth. Do you have a few words for the folks?

Well, just one thing for those Bingville fans.

If their granny lives in Bingville, you better tell her to move,

'cause the Coyotes are coming to burn her house down.

And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no faggots from Bingville.

And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

All right. Stay loose, Mox.

You never know when Kilmer might play you.

Yeah.

Bingville don't stand no chance

And Bingville can't see my dance

You wanna see the new Tweeter end-zone dance?

Check it out.

-You know what it's called? Hell yeah, Tweeter!

-What? -The new Tweeter end-zone dance.

Here I come.

Stick.

Set! Hut 18!

Hut 19! Go!

Lance Harbor, two-year all-state, what a night he's having.

Twins right. Now get in there.

Come on down fifth! Take it in now, yeah!

Come on, let's go!

Go!

Hey, Sammy. That's about the most action your boy's seen, isn't it?

-Coyotes on the lip of the cup. -We're punching it in for six.

Set! Go!

Billy Bob?

Billy Bob! Trainer!

Billy Bob, you all right?

Did we score?

Yeah, Billy Bob, we got the six.

How many fingers?

-Three? -Wait a minute. Hold on.

It's got to be true or false.

Billy Bob, the man's holding up some fingers, true or false?

True?

He's all right, Coach.

Come on, boy! He's all right.

If your daddy hadn't played his heart out for me, I'd cut your ass.

Well, that was a good thing tonight! Good thing tonight!