The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Huh? Is that good or is that good? What do you think?

Well, why don't you put the whole thing in your mouth?

The whole thing?

Well, you can't just nibble at it.

You have to look like you're enjoying it.

Is that camera on? The camera is on.

You're on.

Okay? Oh, God! Okay.

Ooh! Isn't that delicious? Huh?

Just enjoy the heck out of it.

I can't smile. It's stuck in my teeth.

Ma'am, you can't grimace like that

because the crackers are flying out of your mouth.

That's not gonna work. Okay?

I gotta have something to drink.

Okay, take a drink and let me put some more Cheese Tease on the cracker

and now put it in the mouth.

Oh! Oh, man. Oh, I'm sorry.

I got some on your blouse. Don't worry about it.

Send me the bill. Send me the bill. What's in it?

The camera's running!

If I don't love it, I don't get to do the commercial, right?

That's right. I don't love it.

Well, then, thank you. Have a nice day.

Yeah, with this stuff eating a hole in my blouse?

Uh-huh.

In a few minutes, what we're gonna do here is,

we're gonna be making some commercials

and asking you to just come on up and try the product

and tell us what you honestly think of it.

We're not gonna put any words in your mouth.

Someone who might like to just come along,

try a little Cheese Tease and perhaps...

Oh, here's somebody right here. Valerie, why don't...

Hi! No? You don't care for any.

Okay. All right, thank you very much.

What we're really looking for is... Hiya! How are you?

Someone who might like to just come along, try a little Cheese Tease...

And here's someone right here.

Valerie, why don't we... Hi, what's your name?

Let me tell you right off. We don't like things in cans.

You buy soft drinks in cans.

Yeah, but this is cheese.

Oh, I see, because it's a dairy product.

The idea of a dairy product being in a can...

Exactly! Right. I mean, beer in a can...

Well, how about on a cracker?

Beans in a can...

Now, why don't we just have an open mind and an open mouth, huh?

Okay, try this. It's so delicious.

Give my daughter one, please.

What? This is your daughter? This is not your sister?

I can't believe it! Of course, one for your lovely daughter.

What do you think, honey? Is this delicious to you guys or what?

Now tell the truth! What do you think? Huh?

Huh? What we'd like you to do is look in the camera and say,

"Mmm, tastes like real cheddar cheese!"

You don't think it does?

You really don't? Uh-uh.

It doesn't? Well, what does it taste like?

Shit!

Watch yourself. Watch the cart. Watch the cart.

Oh, Concepcion, Concepcion, watch our things.

Watch where you're going.

I'm so sorry. You little monster!

Are you all right? I'm so sorry.

Jeff, oh, Jeff, don't you dare!

Step right over here. Pardon me.

Jeff!

Whoops, here we go. Huh?

Jeff, come here, darling.

One more! One more!

Which one has the real cheddar on it

and which one has the Cheese Tease?

More importantly, which one says,

"Take me home!"

I know you want me to be honest,

so I must confess they both taste like Clorets.

You see, when you shoved the crackers in my mouth,

I was chewing gum and they all got mixed up together.

Your car's all loaded, Mrs. Kramer.

Oh, here you are, Stu, thank you.

Here's a free can of Cheese Tease, uh...

Oh, well, thank you. Enjoy!

Thank you again. It's good on anything.

It has a shelf life of 12 years.

Okay, well, goodbye and thank you.

Bye. Bye.

Wonderful family.

My story, the story of Pat Kramer,

began on what seemed to be a perfectly normal day.

Mom, can we stay up till Dad comes home?

Maybe, we'll see later.

Mother, he's on my side... You promised!

I did not and don't you talk with your mouth full

and yell in my ear like that.

Skip laid another one.

Boy, it smells! Get your room deodorant.

It's not that bad. It's not that bad!

Pat, ought to try Camper Clean.

No more ring around the fender, honey.

Great new diet daiquiri mix at the store, hon.

Pat, you deserve a break today.

Pat, you gotta get some of this stuff for your lawn!

Ever see our boat look better?

Pat, it's Boat Sheen.

Hi, Pat. I got some Valium.

Hey, Pat, how about a weenie, huh?

There I was, safe and secure in the belief

that nothing unusual ever happens in Tasty Meadows.

Jeffrey Donald Kramer,

you pick every one of those up and I mean it!

Hi, Judith!

Pat! I was just this minute thinking of you.

Don't let him in! He's not clean!

Don't let him in!

Get ready for the sale.

Ding dong! Flow Naturalle calling.

Judith, come on in.

Hey, Mom, look!

Jeff, give me those.

Do A Little Bar of Soap for the guys.

I certainly will not and oranges are for eating.

You know what?

I know someday I'm gonna find out you're adopted!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Pat, it's all that sex and violence on TV.

Give me that gun right now. Give it here!

Jeff, give me that gun. Give me that gun.

Let's go, come on, let's go. Let's go, all of you. Let's go!

And no allowance till Skip gets his bath.

Oh, Judith! Here, I'll do that. How about some coffee?

No, thank you, Pat. I know how busy you are.

But I am so excited.

You know that new product line I'm going to sell...

I'm so sorry, Judith.

One of Jeff's toys.

Well, boys will be boys! Especially in this household.

Presenting Flow Naturalle.

Go ahead.

Now, they have Flow Naturalle hairspray,

Fountain of Truth beauty cream

and this is so light and fluffy on the face.

No Fooling cleanser.

I just love that tune.

It is nice.

No Sweat deodorant.

What a name!

And, Pat, for the total woman,

they have developed

a new feminine hygiene spray called Breathe Easy!

Now, isn't that a comfort?

This product not only does the job,

but it's also good for you.

I have heard that a certain national leading brand,

which shall remain nameless, actually kills cockroaches.

Judith, no! Disgusting.

Beth says we need a pan of water and the hose won't work.

Concepcion, Concepcion.

Hey, it's working!

Stop it! Stop it!

Well, I'll just leave this questionnaire

and your complimentary free samples.

Judith, I, honestly, I don't think I have room

to store one more thing in this kitchen.

Well, then, Pat, this is even more of a godsend than I thought.

Watch this.

It's called.

Tray Naturalle.

Talk about clever.

Thanks, Judith.

Well, it's been a pleasure serving you.

Bong bing, Flow Naturalle leaving.

Concepcion, we gotta get all this stuff put away.

Oh, Jeff!

I'm ignoring you, Jeff, but if you don't go eat your supper,

I'm gonna have to tell your dad.

Honey, honey, I'm coming.

Sweetheart! Hi, honey.

Hi, Skip.

Could be the agency's biggest account.

I made a one hour presentation.

They gave me a standing ovation.

Honey, did they?

Well, one guy said, "Nice job, Vance!"

Kids in bed? Are you kidding?

They are dying to see you.

That's all they have talked about.

Look who's here.

My children!

Hi. Hi.

Guess the presents can wait.

Dad!

Hello, kids. Have you been good kids while Daddy's been away?

Aren't those darling?

Airport presents.

You have a wonderful father.

Honey, what do you think of this name for a new candy we're developing?

Exploded Comet.

Oh, I think it sounds fine. I like it.