The Middle

Frankie: Out here in the Middle,

we're used to having things sprung on us--

tornadoes, floods, locusts.

But some things you never see coming.

I'm having five friends over after school today.

What?

You're having five friends over?

- You have five friends? - Yep.

For the past few months,

we've gotten to be a pretty tight-knit group.

We share a lot of the same interests.

I thought you always wanted me to have friends over.

These are people, right?

Not bugs.

Yeah, people.

No, it's-- it's great, Brick.

It's-- it's just that, you know, the house isn't clean.

Well, if we have to wait for that...

No, I just meant that, you know, if we're having people over,

I just would like to be a little more organized.

Sue: No, I can't do that, Axl!

I cannot miss morning announcements.

- Mom. Axl: - One thing!

I ask you to do one thing!

Okay, knock it off!

Stop fighting with your brother.

Where is your brother?

I'm right here.

I got class at 9:00,

and Sue won't help me find my psych notes.

I must have left them there last time I was home

gracing you people with my glorious presence.

Everyone is not here just to serve you, Axl.

Oh, mom, I need you to move

my orthodontist appointment on Friday

so I can go to the county fair with Darrin.

His uncle is entering his prized pig in the contest.

Won't his uncle be mad

when you went to the contest and beat him?

Shut up, Axl! Mom!

Fine, I'll move the appointment.

- Mom. - Oh, and it can't be Wednesday.

That's when I have my JP-La meeting.

I'm gonna need snacks for when my friends are over.

I'm thinking a nice cheese-and-cracker platter

with bologna rolls lined around the side for presentation.

It's important to feed the eyes, as well as the body.

But do mine first.

What are you doing?

Oh, Dr. Goodwin wants coffee for the waiting room.

I told him I'd bring this in, but I keep forgetting it.

Does he want you to clean it with a toilet brush?

Relax, this is brand-new I bought specifically for this.

Yeah, I...

Yeah.

Tick-tock, people. My notes?!

Hello?! Come on.

What, Axl? What exactly are you looking for?

Just walk me around. I'll know it when I see it.

Oh, and for the crackers, nothing with seeds.

Are you writing this down?

Nope. Nope.

Man, this place is a mess.

And write down to remember to switch my appointment,

but not before 3:30.

Got it. Got it. Crackers, seeds, 3:30.

Oh, that's it!

Right there, under the doughnuts.

Now read them to me.

Axl, I am not going to read you your notes.

- I've got to get to work. - Oh, my God!

I'm finally giving it my all

and doing solid, C-level work here,

and you're just gonna abandon me?!

- Nice cyber-parenting, mom! -

It's not like I could read any of this stuff, anyway.

It's just drawings of dragons and random woman-fish combos.

Well, then, you're gonna have to go down

to the copy place and fax them to me.

No, you know what, Axl?

You're the one who left his notes.

You shouldn't be rewarded for it.

It's your responsibility, not mine.

I'll fax them when I get to work.

Frankie: Now that they were officially dating,

Sue and Darrin were seeing a lot more of each other...

...which meant we were also seeing

a lot more of Sue and Darrin.

Oh, my God, Darrin. You have crazy-long eyelashes.

Oh, no, they're not so long.

No, they are. Look at them!

You can't look at your own eyes.

I love how you scrunch your nose when you laugh.

You have the cutest laugh.

I do not.

Yes, you do.

Stop.

I'm serious. It's adorable.

He's got crazy-long eyelashes, and you've got the cutest laugh.

There. It's settled.

Stolen, Mike-- my car was stolen.

Why would somebody steal our crappy car?

Probably for parts

'cause nobody would want that thing as a whole.

I mean, I go outside, and gone.

The car is gone.

Yep, going to church every Sunday's really paying off.

Axl: Hey, if I find it, can I have it?

No.

What are you doing here?

My clock broke, and I'm about to take a nap,

so I need you guys to wake me in an hour.

- Goodbye, Axl. - No, don't--

I mean, what kind of place is this

where you go outside and somebody steals

your old, crappy car in the middle of the day?

Are we gonna have to move to a smaller town?

'Cause I at least need a liquor store

with self-serve yogurt.

All right, look, I'll check in with the police again

and call insurance and see what we can get for it.

Oh, tell them I left

a brand-new bag of cookies on the front seat.

Could go to motive.

Brick: My friends are here.

Oh, crap. Now?!

Come on in, ladies. Watch your step.

- Oh, aren't you a dear? - What a sharp-looking shirt.

Brick: Mom, I'd like you to meet

Violet, Opal Ruth, Sparkle, Helen, and Myrtle.

Very nice to meet you.

Hey, Brick, can I talk to you for a minute?

- Mm-hmm. I'll be right in. - Okay.

Woman: Any room?

When you told me you were having friends over,

did you think there was anything special

you should mention about your friends?

Oh, right.

Helen just lost her husband,

so don't play any Duke Ellington in the house.

Ah.

Anything else, like,

oh, I don't know, they're a thousand?

Sorry.

They were renovating the conference room at the library,

so I told the gals we could have book club here.

Speaking of which, how are we doing on the snacks?

Not well, Brick.

Did you not hear my car got stolen?

Look, if you forgot, just say you forgot.

- See you, Frankie. - Have a good night, Tina.

Thanks, you too.

- Oh, hey, you need a ride? - No, I'm good.

My neighbor's coming to get me.

People really rally around you when your car gets stolen.

Oh, you didn't hear?

Last week, right here from this parking lot

in broad daylight.

I mean, it's just so shocking

that something like this would happen.

I can't believe someone would steal my car.

You mean the blue one with the scratch on the side?

Mm-hmm.

It's in the back.

It's been parked there all week.

Oh. Right.

D-A-R-- Darrin.

Sue: Ohh, you're so good at this!

Thanks.

It's funny 'cause I'm a terrible real speller

but a really good arm speller.

Yeah.

I know we said no boys in the bedroom,

but maybe we should rethink it

'cause I got to get him out of my family room.

Maybe if Sue leaves the door open?

What?

Oh, it's just... I have the funniest story.

I-- You are not gonna believe this,

but, um, my car has been found.

It has been retrieved.

Really?!

That's great! They caught the guy?

Well, kind of.

Uh, this is actually the funny part

that is also a really good sign for humanity, actually?

Um, it was never stolen.

I just left it in the back and forgot.

- What? -

It's not my fault, Mike.

It wasn't where I usually park it.

See, I just pulled around the back

to drop off the coffee urn,

which was not part of my usual routine.

Are you kidding? It's been there the whole week?

How could you not know where you parked your car?

'Cause I always park in the front.

Axl: Oh, my God. That is hilarious.

Why are you here again, Axl?

Shouldn't you be studying?