Mystery Girls

These workman comp cases are so boring.

How long have we been out here, three hours?

10 minutes.

This is the worst.

If I'm gonna be on my knees this long,

I better be getting jewelry.

We just have to get a picture of Mr. Neck Brace over there

doing something strenuous.

That could take forever!

I never do anything strenuous.

Sure you do, your Kegels.

Those are strenuous.

Off!

Good God, did you have a bagel with onions?

We're the Mystery Girls!

I'm pretty sure the cast of "Frasier"

doesn't hide in bushes.

Uh, well, did they open a detective agency?

I'm just saying, we should be solving sexy crimes

like jewel heists, disinherited heiresses.

Whatever, this is a paying case.

Ooh, look, Mr. Neck Brace is taking off his shirt.

Is that sexy enough for you?

Gross, his boobs are bigger than mine!

Oh, here comes the money shot.

He's headed towards the trampoline.

"Trampoline," that's my name on Tinder.

- Nick, what are you doing here? - Nick, thank God.

I'm starting to burn.

- Get down! - I'm wearing white linen pants.

The only place I'm getting down is on a beach in Ibiza.

Umbrella me!

Oh, perfect, he saw us.

- You just blew our stakeout. - I did not.

Look, you can get a close-up, he's coming right at us.

With a shovel!

Run!

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- Ooh! - Ooh!

- Ooh. - Ooh.

Are you guys FaceTiming a gorilla?

We're trying to find Nick a date.

You have to come see this app.

So many hot guys.

I thought you were looking for a sexy case for us,

something worthy of the Mystery Girls.

That's already taken care of.

One should be walking through our door any second.

All right, where is it?

Where's what?

Well, Detective Duane Freeman,

What are you doing here?

you texted me saying you found a dead body in the kitchen.

What?

I knew that would work.

That's how I got "T.M.Z."

to cover my birthday party.

Got any sexy cases for us?

- This is your plan? - Yes.

Excuse me.

Freeman here.

Really?

Another celebrity?

Ryan Gosling's house?

I'm on my way.

Ryan Gosling?

I love him.

No, you don't. You like Ryan Reynolds.

You're not the boss of my Ryan.

I like Ryan Phillippe.

He's so damaged.

I feel like I could save him.

Clearly, you guys have a lot of work to do.

And I have a robbery to solve.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is there a new Bling Ring?

- No. - Ha!

You answered too fast, that means yes.

Don't jump to conclusions.

Mm, too late.

That's her favorite thing to do.

That and watching videos of baby sloths.

Oh, she's right.

I just want to smush them

in a little ball and eat them!

Okay. I need to get back

to doing what I do best.

Squat thrusts?

Solving crimes.

Just making sure about that dead body.

Now, this is a case for Mystery Girls.

No, it is not.

What? Why?

Give me one good reason why we shouldn't focus

all our energy on this.

Okay, one, because the police are already on it,

two, because we're not getting paid,

three, we already have a workman's comp case.

I said one, woman.

I know,

we should go investigate at Club Zebra.

Yes, let's go to Club "Zeb-ra."

Wait, what the hell is Club Zebra?

"Zeb-ra."

It's only the hottest nightclub in L.A.

It's where all the young and fabulous mingle.

That's how they caught the original Bling Ring.

No, Holly, I have date night with Michael.

And I've cancelled on him three weeks in a row

because of work.

Well, it sounds like he's used to it.

Nick, go to my credenza.

Get energy drinks, body glitter, and magnums.

On it!

What? Go big or go home.

It's not 1995 anymore, Holly.

Ugh, you sound like my agent.

What I mean is I have a family.

I can't just go out clubbing with you guys.

It's research.

Research, really? Since when do you do research?

You're the person that bought their house over the phone.

Please? We haven't gone to a club in forever.

Think of it... free drinks, hot guys, V.I.P. rooms.

It'll be just like the good old days.

You mean you'll end up doing body shots

off Mario Lopez's chest?

I did some dirty things to those dimples.

Okay, here we go, three ice-waters with lemon.

What happened to three dirty Martinis?

What happened is they're $20 each.

It's like drinking in a mortgage payment.

Okay.

Maybe we do, I'll be right back.

What are so many people doing out at this hour?

Don't they have jobs or school

or programs to watch?

Calm down, Nana.

Enjoy the ambiance.

Everyone seems friendly.

Ugh!

Seriously, that's where you're standing?

Sorry.

Nice jacket.

Looks like you're being humped by a Muppet.

How'd they get in here?

They were probably just standing on the street,

and they built the club around them.

- Good one, Slade. - I know.

Okay, let's go before I kill someone.

I'm gonna go take pictures of the suspects.

Wait, suspects, because they bumped into you?

No, 'cause I got a hunch.

Oh, not another hunch.

Remember, that's my nickname, Hunch Hamilton!

That's what they always called me on set.

That was because of your posture.

It's better than your nickname,

Miss Poop-Head-No-Fun-Lady.

Who called me that?

I did, just now.

I think it's gonna be a thing.

- Is this the way our night's gonna go? - Mm-hmm.

Because if we're just gonna be wasting time,

I would rather go home and waste time with my husband.

Oh, come on, just have one drink.

- Yeah. - Okay, fine.

Oh!

Peace out, bitches.

- Can we talk? - Nope.

Meditating.

Oh, are you sure you're not being passive aggressive

since I ditched you at the club last night?

Hm, then you won't mind if I do this.

B-b-b-bleh!

You kidding me?

So, Hunch Hamilton, how was the rest of your night?

Did you have fun harassing the hipsters?

They're the Bling Ring!

Okay, stop it.

This is not an episode of "The Mystery Girls"

where there is a good guy, and then three minutes

before the end of the episode, it turns into the bad guy.

Fine, you want facts, don't move.

Move!

Where are you going?

Going to get facts

so Miss Poop-Head-No-Fun-Lady can relax.

It's missus, I'm married.

You got no alibi.

Your fingerprints are all over the crime scene.

So tell me, where'd you bury the bodies?

I brought macaroons!

What is happening here?

This woman was at your desk,

going through your files.

Oh, may I?

Are you guilty?

No.

Then yes.