Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

You've sold us a bill of goods, Gordon.

You promised us new drugs to fight everything

from the common cold to cancer.

- And we'll deliver everything that we promised.

- I'm sorry, Gordon, but the adventure is over.

We re exercising our option to liquidate

Byron & Mitchell Research Limited.

Jack, show these people how filthy rich

we're gonna make them, please.

- Cordon, I don't think you understand what I just said.

Oh, I think I understand.

Jack.

Perrinia immortalis, the Blood Orchid.

First described in 1392 by Houghton,

the last person to see it

until our exploratory team brought a Sample from Borneo.

The Blood Orchid lies dormant for seven years,

then blooms for just six months.

- Which means we just got lucky as hell, gentlemen.

I don't suppose anyone here

is familiar with the Hayflick limit?

Hayflick proposed that a cell

could only replicate 56 times

before it died from a buildup of toxins.

According to him, it's the reason that we die.

- But what if we could transcend that limit?

That would be impossible.

Not according to our data.

Our research indicates the presence of a chemical

in Perrinia immortalis

that can significantly prolong cellular life.

I can't support this.

Does that mean what I think it moans?

- Are we talking about a pharmaceutical equivalent

to the fountain of youth?

Exactly.

That'd be bigger than Viagra.

Have you put this into human trials?

We can't yet.

Our sample was degraded in the initial Study.

We need more of the orchid.

- See, and that's our only problem, gentlemen.

That orchid is only in bloom tor another two weeks.

Well, what the hell are you waiting for?

Oct your asses down to Borneo.

Yes.

- Welcome to Borneo. - Thanks.

What's wrong with this picture?

I don't know, let me see, you're in it?

We don't have a boat, okay?

Your company had one responsibility, to get a boat,

and you've already managed to screw it up.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Your girl chartered the boat, not us.

- No, no, Sam confirmed with the company last night.

They're still waiting for your payment.

Hey, hey, I've got something.

Payment cleared.

Really?

Where's the boat?

It's not coming.

All of the charter companies have shut down.

No one'll risk going upriver until after the rainy season.

And when's that?

Two, three weeks.

- The orchid's only in bloom for one more week, tops.

There's a local captain named Jin-Soon.

I'm told he'll take anyone upriver for the right price.

are you sure this is the place?

They said the one with the red door.

I bet you any kind of money

there's somebody's playing Russian roulette in there.

- Well, maybe we'll get lucky and they'll give you a turn.

Hey, why don't you two just get a room.

Come on, Sam.

Wait here.

Yeah, if you insist.

Hey, hey.

Jin-Soon.

Jin-Soon?

Your Indonesian sucks.

Stick to English.

We heard you could take us upriver.

In rainy season?

Won't be cheap.

We can pay you 25,000.

I'll have a talk with the captain.

- What do you mean, you're not the captain?

Jin-Soon!

These tourists need a boat.

I told them not in the rainy season.

You're Jin-Soon?

Local nickname.

Name's Johnson, Bill Johnson.

It's a pronunciation thing.

And you can rent my boat for 25 grand.

Now, you want me to drive it,

well, that'll cost you 50.

50 grand, are you high?

You know what, please don't answer that question.

There is no way I'm trusting thiS guy with the expedition.

Listen, lady.

Let's cut the bullshit, please.

If one of the other charter companies could take you,

you'd be on the river by now.

You only came to me because you're desperate.

50 grand's my price.

Take it or leave it.

- I've seen subway cars in better Shape than thiS.

Yeah, she may be ugly, but she puts out.

Ah, shit!

What took you so long?

- Hey, you try getting a GPS locator, a Sat-Nav EchoStar

and a UV spectrometer past Indonesian customs.

- Complaining already. - Yeah.

Would you rather be back in the office?

Hell, yeah.

Girl, I had courtside seats at the Garden Saturday night.

I was gonna sit right between Spike and Woody.

Oh, man, is that our ride?

- Look at the bright side, Cole.

At least the weather's nice.

Ben Douglas, team doctor.

You must be Sam.

Yeah, we spoke on the phone.

Glad to have you aboard.

I'm gonna get you for this.

Oh, yeah, this could be fun.

You can forget about that, dog.

That's one car you ain't never gonna catch.

There's always a way.

Your team's a little green, huh?

My former grad students.

Best in their field.

Here's a tip for Wexell-Hall:

you want the best young talent, recruit early.

Yes, I'm sure Sam's very talented.

I think I resent that.

- You and the other gal can stay in here.

You live here.

- The way you say that, I can tell you're impressed.

All right, and if you need anything.

Well, if you need anything, you're shit out of luck.

Okay.

Now, this is where the exploratory team found the orchid.

In the Selatan Basin.

It took them three days to get upriver.

Yeah, that was before the rainy season.

Some of these waterways could be dangerous now.

You said you could got us there safely.

And I will.

But safe isn't always quick.

We'll work our way upriver one bend at a time.

If I don't like what I see, we change course.

You can't chart the fastest route before you begin.

Already have.

Check, aight.

Now, we're uplinked in real time to NASA and AsiaSatCom.

Now, under ideal conditions,

This is the fastest route.

But once we superimpose weather patterns

for the past 10 years and then extrapolate,

bingo, it's Padrang to the Selatan Basin.

I'm a bad man.

All right, look, we got less than a week

to get to that orchid.

Now, if you can't get the job done,

give us our money back and we'll get somebody who can.

I'll get you there.

Ugh.

God help me.

Ugh.

Something attacked me, something attacked me!

Oh, my god!

Man, she said something attacked her.

No, no, no, no, no!

It's okay, it's okay.

What the hell did you do?

You scared him.

I scared him?

This is Kong.

Kong lives here.

You're guests.

Be nice.

Disgusting animal.

Uh, you okay now?

- I'm fine, just keep your hands off of me.

- Oh, yeah, well, it's gonna be tough, but I'll try.

No, no, the S-1 has to be on file before the week is out.

- Yeah, yeah. - No, I don't care.

See, that's the point. - Yeah, yeah, hello?

- No, the S-1 needs to be on file before the week is out.

Yes, we were able to get on the river...

Well, that's the whole purpose.

We need the comments back from the SEC.

- Uh-huh, yeah. - Excuse me, excuse me.

I'm trying... - lt's the only place

I got reception. - No, juSt get it done, okay?

- No, that's impossible. - We need to be ready to go,

effectively... - Three, four days...