Cougar Town

Anything less than 40% and we walk.

Mmm. Wow, this is good coffee.

Look at you-- stay-at-home dad,

just sit around on your ass all day

while your wife works to support you.

Must be quite a blow to your manhood.

All this lounging is awful. I'm miserable.

But you enjoy work today.

You know what you don't realize?

To make me happy, you need to keep your ass out of my way.

Hoo! I don't envy that guy.

I'm talking to you now, babe.

- Get your ass out of my chair! - Oh!

Mmm. Coffee.

_

I don't wanna go to court on this, but I will.

And if I do, you will regret it.

Wine me, dime eyes.

You just waved me off.

Didn't you see the glasses?

That was Work Ellie. She's all about business.

This is Hang Ellie. She's all about party time.

You know, I forgot how hectic a law firm can be.

I'm so glad you never work

so I have someone to lunch drink with.

Hey, I work.

Like today, I was swimming in paperwork.

Sounds conveniently nonspecific.

Tell me more.

Hey, dad. Where you going?

Oh, nowhere, really. I'm just gonna walk downtown.

By yourself? You want me to come?

We'll get some fro-yo, maybe see a movie.

Nah. I'm sure you've got a lot of work to do.

Tons. I'm practically swimming in paperwork over here.

Shut up.

All right. Well, uh, see ya.

- Does my dad look lonely? - Yep.

Nope. He sounded like he wanted to get out of this house.

He's very smart.

Man, this mobile wine business is stressful.

I just got a cease and desist letter

from a wine shop owner saying

I'm "Infringing on the parameters

of established commercial boundaries"?

All right, let me see.

This is just a scare tactic.

Come on. I'll destroy this loser.

Great. Thanks.

It's pretty cool

how she can just turn that on and off like that.

Wow. Wonder if I could.

"I'm regular Jules. I'm happy."

"Ugh! I'm swimming in paperwork!"

- Whose glasses are those? - My dad's.

I can see into the future.

I didn't know you and Stan came to this park.

Yeah. I need him to burn off a little extra energy.

You know, for the longest time,

I thought of parks as just a place people went to get

midnight sandbox b-jammers and score drugs.

I totally forgot they were for kids.

Hey, Stan, get out of the sandbox!

Andy, why are you over here by yourself?

Why aren't you hanging with other parents?

It'd be weird. I don't know anyone.

What about those moms over there?

Those are the Leahs. They're all named Leah.

Except for Becca and Lynn.

Oh, man, they got class and style and buns to die for,

and they do cool stuff like go to art galleries

and spin class and drink mojitos.

Someone's got a chub for the mom club.

Don't be ridicu-Leah.

That is actually a genius name for a female rapper.

I don't know. Rap is really hard.

Seeing my dad look lonely makes me realize

how good people are in pairs.

Feels like I'm about to hear

your latest, totally unnecessary obsession.

My dad needs a best buddy.

And there it is.

Look, Jules, not everybody needs to have people around

- all the time. - Yes, they do.

Everyone does, except for maybe serial killers.

But they have people around for a while... till they don't.

But then they find someone new.

- Oh, you get my point. - That serial killers need pals?

No, that my dad needs a best buddy.

But it can't be me

because then he'd think I just feel sorry for him.

It's gotta be a guy, someone-- someone I can trust.

Someone nice, but not too nice. My dad hates that.

Oh, someone who likes sports and beer...

Nope.

I'm not gonna be Chick's best buddy.

I'll be best friends with your dad.

- My dad's still dead. - I know a psychic.

Chick is great, okay, but he's also cranky and gassy

and 74 years old.

And I love him, but we're never gonna be super pals

who go out for fro-yo on a tandem bike.

Mm.

You just heard "tandem bike," huh?

Ohh, you'd be so cute together.

Thanks for destroying that wine shop guy for me.

By the end, he looked so sad and defeated.

I love making people look like that.

Here's a sentence I've never said before--

this is a nice van.

I know. It's comfortable, quiet.

Something about a moving car, just...

the subtle, repetitive "bump-bump, bump-bump"

of the road puts me at ease.

It's like you could open up and share anything with anyone.

I'm overly aggressive at work

because secretly I'm afraid I'll fail.

I started a business to prove

I can do something without my mom.

Did you see that?

Leah just made a kale smoothie with a portable blender. Aw!

If you're so into them,

why don't you just go hang out with them?

Me. With them. If only.

Just go up and say hi with energy and confidence

and you show 'em your big personality.

Come on!

- I can do that. All right. - Yeah.

- I'm going over. - Okay.

Hey, guys! How you doing? My name's Andy.

Uhh!

All right. Oh!

Oh, honey, no.

Sweetie, I'm sorry.

- That was-- - Humiliating.

I tripped and fell and knocked over their pitcher

of lemon and mint-infused water that helps reduce belly fat.

It was so, so, so brutal...

until they helped me up

and invited me to go power shopping with them!

- What's power shopping? - I don't know, but I'm invited!

- Yay! - Yay!

Are they watching us now?

Yeah, and they look a little confused.

Pretend this is part of our workout. And go!

I'm so glad you're coming to dinner with us, dad.

If their dessert tray looks good,

I'm saying it's my birthday.

Play along.

This is nice. I don't mind three of us going out.

That's great. Three people is perfect.

Okay, let's see what they got.

Oh! Excuse me.

Yes, hi, this is Jules Cobb.

Oh, what's that?

A real estate emergency?

- I'm on my way. - Seriously?

You guys are gonna have to have an amazing time without me.

Sorry.

Wow. That is an emergency.

Yes, this is gonna take hours to fix!

Now when the waiters sing "Happy Birthday" to me,

need you to join in, big.

Uh, oh. When you get nervous you break out Big Chuck,

but when you get so nervous you think you might break

Big Chuck, you improvise.

Well, I planned a dinner for me, Grayson, and my dad.

- Oh, nice. - But then I faked a work emergency

so they could have a man-date together.

And I just know Grayson's gonna be really mad.

Setups never end well. You should know that.

One time, I tried to set up

my bunkmate from my first stint in juvie

on a coffee date

with my bunkmate from my third stint in juvie.

I thought they'd really get along.

Both from Tampa. Both impulsive. Both love fire.

Long story short,

that coffee shop no longer exists.

I regret pulling the birthday stunt

on two different waiters.

That is an excessive amount of flan.

Good night.

So how was dinner?

And besides the hat, it was good?

When you ran out--

on the worst fake phone call I've ever heard--

I was so mad, I almost ordered a burrito.

I would never take in that many carbs unless I was rage eating.

Of course.

Mm, I could not have been more angry,

but then--

there's a "But then"? What's the "But then"?

Chick told a joke about you being Curious George.

You know, the ears.

Well, then Chick and I laughed and started to talk and had fun.

We actually made plans for tomorrow.

They're best friends! I knew it!

I'm the smartest person in the world!

I'm the smartest person in the world!