Watching the Detectives

No.

Please.

Bang!

Nice shot, lover. What was that for?

This was due back last Thursday.

And besides, he forgot to rewind.

Gumshoe Video.

If we don't have it, we'll hit the pavement looking for it.

Wow, this is amazing.

I don't really knowwhere to begin.

I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Um... no, seriously, I haveso many people to thank...

I would just like tostart by saying...

it's you guys that make this...

Stop!

Guys, can someone...

Media Giant.

It's horrible.

It's okay.

I know I can't compete withthese big guys, but as long asl have you guys...

my small and loyal followingof geeks and weirdoes, I know I'll be alright.

Everyone, have some more beer!

Oh, and stick around, because later on...

we are gonna have a specialmidnight screening ofa 1949 classic She-Gorilla.

Yes!

That's right.

Yeah!

Alright.

How was that, man?

You're not supposed toshow ads for two differentvideo stores...

during the samecommercial break, alright?

Who cares? When is the show again?

Oh my god, 3:12 a.m.

God damn thing.

Those are your people.

Who? Scottish people?-Hmm-hmm.

No, no, no, the freaks.

They're up all night, sniffingglue, watching competitivejump rope on ESPN for women.

Those are the peoplekeeping you in business.

Yeah, you know, you're right.-I know I'm right.

All I'm saying is I love Neilas much as everyone.

But it was basically a rip offof Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.

Well, it was.-Thanks, man.

I would've done somethingmore deconstructive, likevideotape actual video tape.

The commercial was dynamite.-Great, thanks.

And Denise was great. Where is she?

I guess she didn't show it. She thinks this whole thingis a little stupid.

What?-Yeah.

You okay?-I'm alright.

Alright, see you guys, bye bye.-Alright, bye.

Have fun tonight, alright?

I cannot believeDenise didn't show.

Hey, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Great.- I'm just kidding.

Hey, man, come here.

What's up?

Hey, you see that girl?

Um, can you spill water on her?

Like on her tits?

No, uh... in her lap.

Alright.-Alright.

Wait.

Alright.

Here.

Don't insult me.

Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.

I'm so terribly sorry. I'm so horribly sorry.

Awfully sorry.- You should be sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry.

Hey.-Hey.

Sorry, I'm late.-Never mind.

Guess that's what happens whenyou turn into a big TV star.

Oh, what happened withyour dress?

Oh, yeah, it's nothing.

Again, I'm really sorry.

Uh... Denise, do you thinkyou're a little hard onthat waiter before?

Neil, what do you get out ofhiring some goon to throwa pitcher of water in my face...

while you hide...-It's not a pitcher.

While you werehiding in the bushes.

You are not sitting in front ofsome movie, you are acting outsome immature little game...

if you want this to work, you'll have to grow up.

Or we could just break up.

What?

Wait a minute, I came here to tell youto get your shit together...

you can't turn this intobreaking up with me.

Here we are.

I don't believe this.

The next thing you're gonnasay is, "It's not you, it's me".

No, it's definitely you.

See you're not enough likeKatharine Ross in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

I don't know what that means.

She was so supportive, she didn't make Paul Newmanfeel stupid.

She went along with it.

Well, you know what, Neil? You can't go long with someonewho's going nowhere...

someone who runs a shitty littlevideo store that doesn't evenmake any money...

and spends his days hangingaround a bunch of dorks talkingabout the Seventh Seal.

No, hey, you likedthe Seventh Seal.

I was faking it, you sucker.

Oh, this is Burgman?

The imagery is so powerful! What a genius!

I'm so happyyou made me watch this.

Hmm!

I can't keep sponsoringMonday nights at the club, man.

Come on.-I'm sorry, I can't do it.

I'm getting killedon Mondays, dude.

Nobody comes out to seethese local bands.

These are shitty bands, man.

Who the hell wants to watcha bunch of high school metalheads with names like...

shit and bricksand Trojan whores.

Trojan whores?-Yeah.

I like that.

I don't know. You gotta help me out, dude.

You got help me out. I'm taking a bathon these live shows.

I can't even afford new uniformswith a soccer ball team.

The other teams arelaughing at us. It's a total joke.

Shit.-I know.

Oh, I love this, check out this entrance.

What a sucker!

You did a very good job yourself, you didn't need too much of my help.

No, I don't mind. I'm in the video storeright now.

No, it's one of thoselittle shitty ones.

Yeah, and wouldn't that break your heart?

What do you think aboutThe City of Lost Children?

Excellent film by the same guywho made Delicatessen.

I'm on the phone, actually.

What's Casino?

To be honest, I wouldn't recommend it.

It's basically a poor man'sgood fellas bet in Vegas.

Hang on, I'm, I'm... still on the phone.

So which one should I rent?

So which one do you recommend?

All of a sudden, you're mute?

Oh, oh... I take it you'retalking to me now.

Who else would I be talking to?

It's for a friend who'sat home sick, which onedo you recommend?

What's the matterwith your friend?

Why?

If your friend's got stomach fluand he's running to thebathroom every five minutes...

then I'd go for this one.

But if your friend is in somekind of medication like...

You know what, just surprise me.

This one.

Great, uh... so how does this work?

What do you mean?

I've never been toone of these places.

You never rented a movie?

I've been to a movie, does that count?

Okay, let's start you offwith a membership.

You know what, I knew it wassome kind of racket.

No, not really, you need togive me your driver's licenseand I'll give you a membership.

I don't have a driver's license.

How do you get around?-I get around.

Okay, well, I can't give youa membership until you giveme a driver's license.

Hmm, how about a cash deposit?

I'll give you 20 bucks.

What? 20 bucks?-Yeah, 20 American Dollars.

You know, these are all typesyou kind of hard to...

Alright, I'll give you 50 bucksand I don't want to hearanything more about it.

Fifty it is.

Lucky for you, I saw my pimp today.

Oh, ah, Fletch, right?

No, his name is Donald.

Well, that's it. That's all I've got.

Don't blow it all oncigarettes and toilet wine.

It'll be right here.-Alright.

Great.

It makes no sense that zombieseat, they are dead, they haveno digestive system that works.

But they need people's brainsin order to continue to livein the undead world.

Yes.-How come they never puke?

Their insides are full of puke.

I still don't understand whyzombies have to eat people.

Why don't they justgo into restaurants?

Absolutely.-It doesn't make sense.

They need to eat brains.

But they are already dead.

I understand them killing peopleripping them apart because theyare angry that they are dead.

Hi!

Hi.-Hi.

You like the movie?

Um... yeah.

Cool.

We made ithalf way through, huh?

Um... yeah.

You want to see something cool?-Sure.

Watch this. Hey, guys, guys, here!

Hey.

Okay, okay.

She stopped it when Clancy isfollowing the professor.

My love, don't embarrassthe family. It's clearly, the race track scene.

Please, she obviously stoppedwhere the goons jump Clancyback at his apartment.

Hmm.

You're on crack.