Twisted

So, I know the posting said "spectacular,"

but "spectacular" doesn't do it justice.

The wood for this table was sourced from an 18th-century shipwreck.

It invites lingering breakfasts, doesn't it?

Dinner parties you don't want to end.

Ah, look at that! Golden hour.

There are so many gorgeous pieces that I'm just so excited to show you

that just come with the house.

When the sun sets... Mmm.

That light is otherworldly.

You can almost bathe in it.

I particularly love this vintage designer sofa.

You get a better appreciation

for the way the ceiling soars.

You know you have the same name as the heroine in the Jane Austen novel?

Emma Woodhouse.

Ah. I don't hear that lot, actually.

You know, I interact with a lot of people

who have strong opinions on bookshelves

but very few who care about what occupies them.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to just leave the world behind

and simply exist in our own little paradise?

Oh.

The part I most hate.

Let's be honest.

The owners are letting this go under market for a quick lease,

and at $35,000 a month,

this place is a steal.

And I currently have several interested parties,

so I will need to know by end of day today.

I-I'll take it.

I was terrified it would go to someone lacking your taste.

The owners will be by this evening,

just to pick up a few personal doodads,

and then it's all yours, if you want to swing by.

Tonight? T-Tonight's great.

Come after 8:00.

I'll be here waiting for you.

Uh, maybe when I pick up the keys, we could--

We absolutely could.

I'll let you pick the wine.

Hold on.

Yeah?

Is, uh, Emma here?

-Who? -Emma Woodhouse.

You got the wrong address, man.

Like, uh, Emma by Jane Austen.

I-- I don't know an Emma.

I was here this afternoon. I'm-- I'm renting for the next six months.

-Not from me. -Let me just give her a call.

I'm sure she can clear this up.

I don't know an Emma.

We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or--

Fuck!

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

It was the age of wisdom.

It was the age of foolishness.

We were all going direct to heaven

and all going direct to hell.

I'm buying this club.

Neon lights.

Sell me.

-I'm off the clock. -This isn't work.

This is me appreciating your art.

"Spectacular" doesn't do it justice.

Can't you just feel the bass inside your body,

pulsing, moving,

taking over your every single thought and desire?

This could all be yours.

I just need a small deposit,

first and last month's rent.

Wonder how much you could rent this pool for.

Just the pool? That would be a challenge.

Why does everything have to be a challenge?

People are stupid

and our cons have gotten too easy, so it's boring.

I wouldn't mind boring.

I fucking love you.

Same.

-I said I fucking love you. -Same.

You just won't say it.

That's for marks who need to fill the void in their lives.

We're above that.

That's one way of addressing your emotional problems.

I have another way.

Huh.

Is that a good "huh" or a bad "huh"?

This email's sent from Daisy Buchanan.

The Great Gatsby.

And if the IP address is to be believed,

this email was sent from downtown Manhattan.

One Police Plaza, to be precise.

Well, that's us out of business.

Disagree. Someone's fishing.

I mean, the choice of name is deliberate.

The decision not to obscure the IP address is deliberate.

They want us to panic.

Do you not remember what happened in Baltimore?

Oh, God. Not again.

Baltimore can suck my fucking dick, okay?

Yeah. Not a fan of jail.

What are you doing?

We are getting out of here, like we agreed in Baltimore.

It was one blurry photo on social media

that inspired one Action News 7 report

about sleazy scam artist Francesca da Rimini,

who vacays and stays properties and then, you know,

scams unsuspecting suckers.

But what happened after that one report, huh?

You remember?

No arrests. No blowback.

No consequences.

Just-- Whatever you're doing, just stop.

I'm going to reply, okay? It would be suspicious if I didn't.

And unlike Officer Daisy here, I'm going to use a VPN, okay?

So just chill.

Had I known you were going to be so delicate,

I wouldn't have spirited you away from working front of house

at your parents' shitty seafood restaurant,

nor introduced you to my exciting, yet profitable life of crime.

-Paloma. -Smith.

You made me a promise, remember?

You said I'd never get bored.

And this conversation sounds like a promise breaking into boring little pieces.

Okay.

New game.

Smith versus Paloma.

You choose my next target,

I'll choose yours,

and whoever closes the fastest wins.

And winner gets to decide where we go next,

however near or far.

Are you in?

Or are you out?

I'm all in.

No, no, no, no, no.

Mmm. Fleur Forsyte.

Forsyte Saga, Galsworthy.

Might be a good alias.

Yeah. I'm more interested in what our next con's going to be.

Check your messages.

-"Enchanted cottage." -Mmm.

-"King-size bed." -Mmm.

"Cathedral ceiling and everything you need

for a rejuvenating stay in the heart of..."

Wait. Woodstock?

-Come on. That's a two-hour drive. -Oh, no! Is it?

Wait. Read the reviews.

Oh. "The host was unreachable the entire time."

-Oh! -"Filthy pillows.

Scratchy sheets. Faucet gushed brown water."

You know what? That's perfect.

No, what's actually perfect is, it's complete with bedbugs.

Are you fucking serious?

Are-- Wait. Are we declaring me the winner right now?

-Are you admitting defeat already? -Defeat? Fuck no.

Dudes can't get enough of a married woman, so--

Wait. What is this? Hold on. What is this? Give it to me!

"S and J 4EVA"? Ah!

All right.

-The inscription was free. -No! It's cute!

-It's kind of gay, but it's cute. -Check your phone.

Oh. "Classic brownstone in Brooklyn."

What's the catch?

Well, it's very big, and it's very expensive, so--

-Okay. -Good luck finding somebody with deep enough pockets.

Oh. I love a challenge.

And the owner?

Did some digging last night while you were snoring your head off.

I don't snore.

If I did, it'd be adorable.

What's this? Oh.

"Dr. Robert Kezian, a luminary in the field of neurosurgery.

Patients come from all over the world to be treated by him.

Kezian, a pioneer in cranial anastomosis at Langhorne Medical,

where he acts as chief neurosurgeon..."

Hello, Dr. Kezian.

I look forward to renting your brownstone.

Good morning, everyone. Craniotome.

Forceps.

Gauze, please.

Adjust to 40 milligram Propofol, titrated.

Blood pressure is holding stable.

Right along the left temporal gyrus.

And there it is.

I heard you performed another miracle.

It's not a miracle. It's my job.

Be proud. She's alive because of you.

Well, I gave her five years.

We could have given her decades.

Soon. We're on the cusp.

No. I'm still pushing the same rock up the same hill.

Like the Greek myth.

-Sisyphus. -That's right.

You know, you're the first and only surgeon to perform

a partial neurotransplantation.

On rats, rabbits, monkeys.

None of it means anything until I can actually try it on a human being with a pulse.

Soon.

Right.