Modern Family

I have to show a house today, so see you guys at Luke's football game.

I'm too tired to go.

I have a midterm tomorrow,

which I'll probably fail and I was up really late studying.

She was. I was up really late doing this.

Don't even bother coming. I'm quitting today.

I'm sick of this guy on the team always making fun of me.

He's just jealous because

you're the one who puts points on the board.

- Why? Because you run the scoreboard - run the scoreboard.

I'm out, too.

But all your classmates will be there.

We ignore each other all week.

It's nice to have a little break on the weekends.

Geez, I've never seen such a bunch of no-getters.

Coined it!

Remember, keep a positive attitude,

and good things will happen.

Two things I bring to every open house --

my lucky pen and a smile.

I haven't sold a house all month.

Do you see me saying "I'm done"? Never.

Because there is no "done" in Dunphy.

I'll see you guys at the game.

Hey, there is no "umph" in Dunph-- different spelling!

Cam!

Yes, Phil, I remember your special play,

but I think the triple gull-wing is a little tricky

to run at such an important sporting match.

Cam has a number of delightful superstitions

during the football season.

Well, they're not superstitions when they work.

That seems science-y.

Not sorry that today is the last g-a-m-e.

Well, thank you, but good coaches don't need luck.

We make luck.

See you at the athletic endeavor.

I'm going to call Gloria and see if she can pick up Lily, too,

you know, just in case...

What, you procrastinate again

and not tell Charlie you're quitting?

No, no! I'm gonna do it.

I just -- I'm picturing his face when I tell him,

shaking his head in disappointment. It's -- it's hard.

- Hey, just do it! - No.

I don't know why you're making yourself so crazy over this.

You're right. You're right.

I -- I do not want to be crazy.

I'll see you at the game.

Hey, Gloria.

Yes, Mitch, I will pick her up.

Thank you so much! All right. Bye, Lily.

Good luck with the whole Patrick situation.

Dad, you're embarrassing me.

Well, welcome to the rest of your life, sweetheart.

So, Lily, tell me more about this Patrick.

He likes the swings, he sits by the flag,

and he can count to 100.

He sounds like the whole package.

Then what is the problem?

He doesn't notice me.

So then make him notice you.

You don't want to wake up one morning

as a lonely 9-year-old,

wondering where all the time went.

Hey, mom. If you're at the store later,

could you pick up some ice?

I'm gonna need it for after the game.

My little athlete.

I want to try out the gelato maker I traded my bike for.

Lures me in every time.

Oh, okay. Bye.

Dad, you can just drop me at the next light.

I can walk from there, and I got to call Phil anyway.

You did the same thing yesterday.

Why? What's going on with you?

- You smoking again? - No! No.

I just -- I don't want to put a spotlight

on the fact that I'm the boss's daughter.

It makes people resent me.

- This is good. Thanks, dad. - Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

I can see that bothers you.

Well, yeah, your own kid,

embarrassed to be seen with you, you know?

- You spend your whole life -- - Here's fine.

Last month, a law-school classmate offered me a job

at his legal aid society,

and I just knew I had to take it.

And I explained that in a letter

that I was going to sneak onto Charlie's desk.

Oh, good. It's you.

Hey! Did you sleep here?

My girlfriend dumped me, uh, in an e-mail.

Couldn't even do it face-to-face.

Pretty gutless, huh?

Oh, you should go home, get some rest.

I can't go back there. It would be too hard.

Mm, too many memories?

No, we were living on my boat. I don't know where she took it.

Enough of my whining. What do you need?

Oh, well, I just -- I just came by to say hi. Hi.

And also, mm, to tell you in a very gut-ful fashion,

face-to-face,

about something that I have been thinking about.

But I do think that, um, I am going to have to leave

about five minutes early today.

Uh, Cam is -- is coaching a high-school football game.

- I'm in. - What?

Certainly not gonna be able to focus on any of this today.

Yeah, I need a shot of marching bands,

fresh-cut grass, rosy-cheeked kids.

Hey!

Do they still run through a banner?

- They do! - I love that. I love that.

Let's see. The game's at what, like, 4:00?

We should probably -- Hey! Give me that.

I'm --

this is my private cell.

Only three people in the whole world use this.

Two people.

Uh, Claire, is, uh -- is there a reason

you didn't sign this shipping form?

Oh, no. Sorry. I'll do it now.

Oh, no. No. Now's a little late.

See, they came in this morning,

and they can't do a thing without a manager's signature.

So now I've got 100 rosewood panels

- lined up in the warehouse. - Oh, my God.

In the future, I'd appreciate it --

Hey, hey, Tim. I think you made your point.

It was an honest mistake, all right?

- Dad -- - I'm just saying that it's what a warehouse is for,

to hold things.

- Not the end of the world. Right. - Of course.

- Sorry. - No, I'm sorry.

It's my fault. Bye, Tim. Bye!

Dad!

This is exactly what I was talking about

in the car this morning!

I want them to see me like a co-worker,

not somebody who's getting special treatment

'cause she's the boss's daughter.

Is it possible you're being a little oversensitive here?

No, I'm not. I'm being -- Wow, here? Really?!

You know, you gave me this.

- Look how adorable you were. - Okay. Okay. Okay.

I want you to try really hard to hear what I'm saying.

When I need your help, I will ask for it.

And until then, just butt out.

What happened to you?

Hey, Miller, your toes are looking a little lonely.

Why don't you pay them a visit?

What's with the extra warm-ups, coach?

These guys haven't won all year.

Did you hear that, team?

Miller just bought you a little present.

I wasn't complaining. I was just wondering why we have to --

Take a lap!

Burt Levoisier, Red Stagg, Duckie Pond --

all coaching legends at this High School

and none have won more than two games their first season.

I win today, that makes three,

making me the winningest first-year freshman coach ever.

Oh, hey, Luke, Reuben's sick,

so I'm gonna need you to be the announcer today.

How am I supposed to keep score and announce at the same time?

Same way you're a spaz and a dork at the same time, spork.

Okay, lose the attitude, but keep that intensity.

Uh, hey, excuse me, ref.

What's with all the black arm bands?

Their coach passed away last night.

He'd been sick for a while.

That's terrible. And we're still playing?

Well, they're tough kids.

Roger Knight lived for high-school football,

so they're playing this one in his honor.

Okay, hey, guys! Guys! Guys! Guys!

Tragic news about Coach Knight.

But you know what? We need to focus up.

Plenty of time to pay our respects,

but there will be no mourning knight this afternoon.

- Lot of character over there. - Yep.

- Those kids haven't won a game all year. - Uh-huh.

And now to have to play on his birthday...

Okay, see you at the coin toss.

Top of the morning!

Real estate and, to a lesser extent, life

is all about perseverance.

Things go wrong.

Keys get lost, deals fall through, keys get misplaced.

Uh, a lot of it has to do with keys.

But that's when you find out there are two types of people --

those who waste time staring at a closed door...

And those who find a window.

I'm looking at my first month ever without a sale.

Some people might give up.

But those people aren't Phil Dunphy.

No!

It's like I tell my kids --