A Simple Wedding

So beautiful. Gorgeous!

Just like your Kamran.

He is the perfect match for our Nousha.

Nousha?

Coming!

- Babe? - Yeah.

- Hurry up. My mom's waiting. - Yeah.

- Where are your shoes? - Right here.

Okay, don't forget to light the candles.

- Oh, yeah. - Okay?

Yeah, I got you.

- All right. - Yeah.

- Noushi. - Nousha.

- Nousha. - Nousha.

We need to talk.

Yeah.

Uh, we... I mean I think that...

You may not be the best fit for our Kamran, okay?

- Oh. - Are you breaking up with me?

Is your mother breaking up with me?

We want the ring back.

Ohh... Give it back.

Give it back.

These people are fake.

I love you.

She is freak.

Such a freak.

Come along.

Come on, come on. Do you feel that burn?

Four, three.

Spooky girl in the back,

why you goin' so slow?

This isn't a yoga class. Move those legs!

Who loves mommy? Does Lulu love mommy?

What'd you say?

Did you just say Dartmouth?

She's a genius.

I can already tell by her speech pattern.

Personally, I'm relieved that it's all over.

How did I let it get that far? Did I even love him?

No.

You sabotaged the entire thing.

You were dickmatized.

Explain yourself. Come here.

You were in love with his dick.

You only talked about how great the sex was.

You never talked about anything

that you actually liked about him

or anything that you guys had in common.

Why did you guys not tell me sooner?

Oh, God. We didn't wanna interrupt your dickathalon.

Plus, Missy beloved him,

and you don't like to disappoint Missy.

I mean, nobody does.

She convinced me I was straight once.

Remember Michael?

Oh, my God. I was doing him for my mom.

And you liked it.

It's my fault.

Actually, it's your father's fault.

He let you be too American.

But it's not too late. We can fix this.

- Hello. - Oh, Ziba.

Hi, how are you?

Nousha, come.

Hi, Aunt Sousa.

Nousha, what happened to that rock on your finger?

They weren't good enough.

I heard they were filing for bankruptcy.

Mom!

He was impotent.

That's not true. It didn't work out.

Oh, don't worry, Aziza.

Don't worry. I have a son.

30 years old, and he likes older women.

I wanna show the picture. Look at that.

Look at the picture.

Here, here, look at that.

More, more.

Look at that one. Look at this one.

- Wow. - He's just like his father

in that department.

Look at that.

Look at that boy.

- Hi. - Hi.

Are you okay?

So sorry, Noush.

- Hi. - You okay?

Nousha, are you coming to the rally tomorrow night?

Yas.

- Yas? - Yes.

We need at least 100 people there to get some press.

Babe, I'll be there.

You better be.

- Yeah. - Hang in there, girl.

Lynne, does everybody know my business?

Yeah. RJ, are you coming to the rally tomorrow?

- Yeah. - Okay, good.

You shared it on all of our social media platforms, right?

It's been on Facebook,

and everybody has said they were coming.

- There's like 100 people. - I'll believe it when I see it.

Everyone's a Facebook activist.

When it comes to actually showing up,

they'd rather go to happy hour.

Happy hour is more fun than protesting sexual assault.

- Shut up, RJ. - Okay, okay, enough, enough.

Did you get all the declarations for the Jones' case?

Thank you.

I need your draft of the memo.

I'm 100% on it.

It's just that part of the research was unclear,

so I had to verify with co-counsel

and they're really slow to respond.

I don't care. Just figure it out today.

Actually, I was able to get clarification.

- I finished the draft. - Great.

I figured you had so much on your plate.

I don't need you to do my job. I was on it.

I heard you got dumped.

- Out of my office. - Please show up for the rally.

- Do not leave me hanging. - We're coming to your rally.

And just so you know, I'm available.

- No. - You sure?

I'll make sure you get a gold medal at this...

dickathalon.

Lynne?

What's up, sweetie?

Did you tell everybody my business?

I definitely did. See you at the rally.

I'm sorry, are you all still in my office?

I will think about it.

I can't sleep until you get married.

I can probably get you some Ambien.

I don't think you tried hard enough.

What if I didn't really like him, Mom?

You should try again.

You're running out of time, you know?

She's a lesbian.

Maybe you should stop hanging out with those girls.

Mom, get off my case, okay?

I need some time to find myself.

Oh, find yourself.

What do you mean, find yourself?

There you are, I found you. Now find a husband.

How has marriage even survived as an institution?

Our values have totally shifted.

There's been radical social upheaval,

gender equality, female empowerment.

I have arranged for you to go out

with Dr. Asad's son tomorrow.

- I can't tomorrow. - He has a PhD.

It's Lynne's protest tomorrow, Mom. I can't.

You go to protests all the time.

What's wrong with you?

Are you a communist?

All lesbians are communists.

Careful.

Aren't they?

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!

I can't believe this turnout. I knew it.

I thought people cared more than this.

Everybody's at happy hour.

Here, just maybe this'll liven things up.

Hold this. I hold every...

- Oh, ho! - Yeah.

Way to challenge the male gays.

While I beat around that bush.

That is huge.

Hey, hey, ho, ho! Patriarchy has got to go!

Oh, my God, it's the Menstruals.

- Who are they? - This old male feminist group.

I read about them on Buzzfeed.

They like show up and protest.

They're performance artists, just doin' stuff like that.

Hi, guys. Mind if we join?

We would love that. How did you hear about this?

Are you kidding? We're all huge followers

of Pussies Against Patriarchy.

That's my page.

Oh, cool.

Hi, I'm Alex.

- I'm Lynne. - I'm Tessa.

I'm Nousha.

Hi, Nousha. I love your penis.

Thanks. Let's do this!

All right.

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!

Hey, hey!

Patriarchy has got to go!

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Patriarchy has got to go!