Goosebumps

♪♪♪

"Madison, Delaware," wow.

Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places...

-... looking for vice principals? -Like where?

-Guantanamo Bay? -Ooh, too hot.

-North Korea? -No. They didn't call me back.

Detroit?

This is it.

Come on, come on.

Look. A yard. You'd never get this in New York.

You don't have to sell me on this place.

-I'm staying because I love you. -Aw, I love you too.

And I looked into it.

Legally, I can't live on my own until I'm 18.

♪♪♪

Look at this kitchen. It's bigger than our apartment.

We don't cook.

Well, look at all of this counter space to put the takeout on. Whooh.

Do you hear that?

-No, I don't hear anything. -Exactly.

Live from New York, it's my sister Gale.

With special guest, my nephew Zach.

-Get in here with a hug. -Heh, hey. Oh.

-It's an SNL reference. -Yeah.

-You lived in New York. -Yeah.

-Oh, my goodness. Look at you. -Ha-ha-ha.

You're not in any color.

-Hey. -We should change that.

-Oh, my God. It's good to see you. -Wow, you too.

Okay. Let me take him in.

Oh, my gosh. He gets more handsome every time I see him.

-So good-looking. -Thank you, Aunt Lorraine.

He's just a beautiful boy.

Thank God, because you were such an ugly baby.

-There it is. -What? It's fine. He's handsome now.

It's not like he's gonna go ugly, handsome and then back to ugly.

No. The danger's passed. Heh, heh. Oh, I almost forgot.

I got a present for you because I'm a cool aunt.

This is from my new signature men's line.

Ooh.... -Check it out.

-Awesome. -It's limited edition...

... so you're not gonna see a lot of men wearing that hat.

Yeah, I can't imagine anyone would be wearing it.

-It's so limited edition. -Try it on. Make sure it fits.

-Try it on right now? Okay. Take her for a spin.

Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

Aww....

-Oh, yes. Look at that. -I mean, come on. That is it.

Okay.

Um, I'm gonna go unload some boxes now and see you around.

Oh, honey. Leave the hat on.

-I don't want you to burn. Mm.

-And you look good with it on. -Thank you. Cool.

Smooth.

So you're the new neighbor?

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

How long was the drive from New York?

No, I can just tell by the pretty hat that you have.

Oh, no. This-- No.

This is-- This is actually a gift from my aunt.

It's also a gift for me and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.

I'm Zach, by the way.

-I'm Hannah. Hannah.

I gotta go.

Good talk.

Hi. Hey, we're just moving in.

Just-- Just me and my mom.

-This hat was a gift. -You see that fence?

Do you see the fence?

-Uh, yes. -Stay on your side of it.

You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me...

... and we won't have a problem.

Well, just met our neighbor.

He's a big teddy bear.

Oh, Mr. Shivers?

Yeah, he moved to town a few years ago.

Very mysterious.

Very sexy. I love his scent.

It's like mint and BO.

-It works. -Yeah. Not my type.

I remember that day.

Oh.

You okay, sweetheart?

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Um....

I'm gonna go get a head start decorating my room. Knock it off my bucket list.

How's he doing?

Oh, it's been hard.

He's putting up a wall.

Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.

How are you doing?

Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.

All right, Zach. Let's see what you got.

Fastball.

Two's a curve.

Gotta get up. You gotta give me the sign.

There you go. Oh!

That's--

-Oh, see? Dad's not perfect. No. Heh, heh.

Dad can get one drop.

All right. Read the signs.

It's all just to block.

Don't wanna jump up. That's how the fastballs get by.

All right. Get ready. Go fast now. Okay?

Honey? You okay?

Um, yeah. Just found some old baby pictures.

I really did look like baby Gollum.

Yeah, yeah. That's always the case, right?

Hey, Becca. Oh, hey.

Yay! New friends, new friends, new friends.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing?

I'm going to work. Gonna do some educating.

Some administrating.

Cool. Mom, I'm the new kid, which presents its own set of obstacles.

Not sure walking in with the vice principal is the play.

Just give me a 60-second head start so I at least have a chance.

Deal. You promise you'll give it a shot?

You know I can't promise you that.

[THE BLUE VAN'S "RACKETEER" PLAYING]

I promise. All right?

And this door-locking thing.... Come on, you're better than that.

Sixty seconds start now, 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54....

All right. Let's find our seats, ladies and gentlemen.

Find our seats quickly.

Let's find our seats.

Mm-hm.

-Okay. Let's settle down. -Um....

Okay. Uh, sorry.

-Excuse me. Can we just--? Eeeh. Your friends will find you.

Okay, cool. Okay. Unh.

So you're the new kid.

-Oh, yeah. -Cool, cool. Oh.

-Hi, Taylor. -Hi, Chump.

-She just call you "Chump"? -Yes, indeed, she did.

My real name is Champ, you know.

But she's never talked to me before so we're making progress.

Three...

... two...

... one.

Settle down.

Good morning.

I am so happy to introduce you to our new vice principal, Ms. Cooper.

And I hope that you show her the same respect that you show me.

Ha-ha-ha. Who did that?

Who did that?

Ms. Cooper.

I'm watching you.

Hi, everyone.

I know I speak for the entire administration...

... when I say that we are so excited for Friday's fall dance.

We can't stop twerking about it.

Oh, no, she didn't.

-Aw, she's worse than the last one. -That's my mom.

Oh, well, the last one was fantastic.

I-- I'm kidding. I don't even know what twerking is.

-But I hear it's very popular. -So...

... you taking anyone to the dance?

-No. -Yeah.

I was thinking about flying solo too.

Hey, we should go together.

-"Together"? -Oh, not like "together" together.

Dance together or anything. Although that could work.

You know, we get the crowd into it? And then go split off with different girls.

And as a final reminder, just be safe and have fun.

Take this. Shoot me a text or tweet me. Has my contact info.

My home address and locker number.

-You know where to find me. Anyone.

-Thanks. Anyone is caught dancing...

... with their butt facing their partner, you will be sent home immediately.

Immediately.

Hello?

Is someone there?

Did I scare you?

-Pfft, no. -Really?

Because you jumped like 10 feet high, so....

You know...

... I jump a lot. It's how I stay in such great shape.

-That's good. -I, um....

-Yeah, I didn't see you at school today. -Aw, what, you were looking for me?

-No, no. I just-- I just observed-- -No, I'm homeschooled.

Oh, by your dad?

He seems...

... nice.

And intense.

-And a little tense. -Don't take it personally.

-He doesn't really like anyone. -Yeah.

So, um....

So is there anything fun to do around here aside from scaring your neighbors?

-Okay. There is one thing that I like to do. -Yeah?

Come with me.

Uh....

-Hey, where are we going? -Don't worry. It'll be fun.

-You sure you know where you're going? -Yes, come on.

This way.

You taking me somewhere to kill me? Just curious.

I'm playing it by ear.

Hannah?

Yes, Zach, follow the stranger into the woods.

Come on, scaredy-cat. We're almost there.

Okay. Just a little further.

Okay. Just wait here.