MacGyver

_

_

I told you not to make the first "S" so big.

That's why you ran out of rocks.

When's the last time you saw a small "SOS"?

You got to be able to see it from above.

That's the whole point.

It's go big or don't go home.

Yeah, well, right now,

it's just "S-O" and a tiny little squiggle.

It looks like the formula for sulfur dioxide.

What rescue pilot

you think saw my sign

and went, "Hey,

those fellas down there,

they need some sulfur dioxide."

Oh, what pilot are you talking about?

There's not a plane out there, is there?

Why are you hating on me right now, huh?

I-Is it because

I already finished my sign?

And you've been in here building on this thing

for, like, three days now?

I'd like to see you build a radio

in the middle of nowhere, using only snowmobile parts.

Maybe I will.

- Huh. - Maybe next time,

I'll make the survival tea.

This sucks.

- Okay. Okay. - Look at this.

Twigs. There's wood in here.

What is this, tree bark flavor?

Okay.

The radio is actually almost finished,

I just need one tiny little piece of metal

to bridge these two resistors.

So it needs to be round, uh, a few millimeters wide.

Hey, let's use a piece of that watch.

Whoa.

Okay, I see how it is. Yeah.

It's okay to submerge my phone in a shark tank

or snap my expensive sunglasses in half to save the world,

but when our little butt-sicles

depend on taking apart a piece of your personal property,

we've crossed the line?

Jack, if it was just...

just my watch,

you know I'd use it in a heartbeat.

You know that.

But I'm pretty sure my dad left it for a reason,

so that I could find it and use it to somehow find him.

I don't doubt that, but there is

no hope of finding him

if we don't get out of here.

Yeah.

Wait. Jack.

Grab that light right there. Come here.

Grab that light right there. Please.

I think I found something.

Please.

- See, that gear, right there. - Huh?

It's-it's newer than the rest of the watch.

Am I crazy or...?

There's something written on it, right there.

This could be the clue to finding my dad.

Yeah, and it could be a weird piece of metal

with a bunch of numbers on it.

But we're never gonna know

if we freeze to death out here.

Come on, Mac.

I can't feel my butt.

I-I can't feel it.

I can't feel it.

Okay, okay.

Mayday.

This is Firebird Seven. Assistance required.

Anyone receiving?

Mayday. This is Firebird Seven.

Anyone receiving?

Took you guys long enough.

Hold tight.

Rescue choppers are homing in on your signal.

- Patching you through now. - Copy that, Phoenix.

We're almost at your... Does that say "S-O, comma"?

Dalton made the distress signal, didn't he?

What gave it away?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

What are you laughing at?

Oh, my eyes.

Why didn't anyone tell me that Jack's ass is on the playlist?

Oh, no. Come on, this is the infirmary,

people, okay? Not a clown car.

Can't a man with frostbutt

get a little privacy, please?

Calm down, Dalton, we're all one big happy family here.

If we're a happy family, what does that make Jack?

Crazy uncle.

- Every family has one. - Okay, you know,

I don't have to take this off y'all,

I'm out of here. Enjoy the view on the way out.

Slow down, cowboy.

This ain't a social call.

We've got work.

Oh, so this is a briefing.

Huh? Right here, right now?

Can we move this shindig to the war room?

Yeah, well, of course we could.

But where's the fun in that?

Besides, it's not like I haven't seen it before.

I'd appreciate it if we didn't go there, yeah?

All right. Thanks to Cage

and her interrogation of the Ten of Spades,

we have tapped into a treasure trove

or new intel, including a lead

on the illusive terrorist group,

the Red Fist.

The Red what?

Jack...

Well, I can't hear that good with my tochis

on full display like this.

She said Red F... Oh, can you stand up

and put that all away?

Red Fist...

They're a Eastern European group of radicals

responsible for over

30 deadly attacks in the last decade.

I thought you said these guys were terrorists.

They're stealing diamonds.

Well, in the last six weeks,

it appears as though

they've shifted gears,

pulling off a dozen diamond heists

all across Europe,

hauling in an estimated

$75 million.

And I'm guessing they're not just gonna

put this money away so they could

retire someplace sunny, huh?

Sadly, no. The Ten of Spades says

they want to use the stolen diamonds

to finance a major attack.

Every relevant detail of this forthcoming major attack

remains a mystery.

However, what we do know is where the diamonds themselves

are being held:

in a vault at the Karabakh Hotel and Casino

in Azerbaijan.

So, if we cut off the funding, then we stop the attack?

So you want us

to break into the casino vault

and steal the diamonds before Red Fist can use them?

Okay, this assignment keeps getting better and better.

Look, anything warmer

than Siberia I consider a vacation.

Now all I need to do is just come up with a cool cover name.

Actually, your cover IDs have already been taken care of.

Mac, you will be going in as Luke Arrington,

an arms dealer with money to burn.

Riley, you will be Emma Castillo,

a notorious drug lord's girlfriend

who's notorious in her own right

for traveling with half her wardrobe.

Should make it easy to sneak in all the gear you'll need

to hack their system.

Bozer, you will be Chet Walker,

a money-laundering bad boy

looking to spend some ill-gotten gains.

Cage, you will be Francesca Moretti,

heir apparent to a Sicilian crime family

who may or may not be here to make someone disappear.

And, Jack, you will be Ernie Bung,

a disgraced accountant known for questionable bookkeeping.

Ernie Bung?

Why can't I be Chet Walker?

And a disgraced accountant?

That's just shameful, that cover name sucks.

It was either that or a rogue chef

who sells illegal bushmeat.

Backstopped cover identities don't grow on trees, Dalton.

I didn't know bushmeat was illegal.

Once you're in the casino,

all Riley will need to do is clip into the network

to hack their system, a program called SteelViper,

which will allow her to tap into security cameras

and learn some guard rotations.

Well, if Riley has that kind of access,

it should be just a matter of distracting the security

long enough to break into the vault,

scoop the diamonds, then split.

Said that way, sounds super easy.

But I'm still hazy on step one.

How do we clip Riley into the network?

Got to assume they're keeping this network

behind some big, intimidating door

guarded by big, intimidating men.

Of course.

But I do think I have an idea.

Hi.

This is so embarrassing.

My boyfriend and I had a little miscommunication.