NCIS

What is this, dog meat?

Looks like the same crap we had yesterday.

You should've ate it all yesterday.

Anyone seen Lieutenant Ferris?

Check the head, sir. Been in his office since breakfast.

Probably plotting his revenge against Mitas.

Bite me.

Couldn't taste any worse than this chow.

All right, one of you guys better go check to see if he's okay.

Ferris. You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, sir.

At least until I ate this crap.

No new orders from STRATCOM?

No, sir, just checked.

Nothing.

Hair of the dog, Ferris?

Go to hell, Mitas.

Man, what's the matter?

Takada, what's wrong?

Get him to sick bay!

Now!

Don't you have paperwork, DiNozzo?

What do you think I'm doing?

I take the paper...

and I make it work.

- Tonight's the night. - What night?

- Brain Matter. - Brain Matter?

Yeah, my friend's band. Remember?

Brain Matter.

Yeah, you guys all promised you'd go with me.

- All of us? - All of you.

- Even me? - Even you.

And you...

- and you. - I don't think I can make it tonight.

I've got to...

catch up on

paperwork.

And I've got a very important thing

And other thing

And, I-I've got...

Some people wear these spiky things just for show.

I don't.

I've got nothing better to do than-than to see...

A dead body, McGee?

You read my mind, boss.

It's a quick read.

Pack up. Full kit.

Motion sickness meds?

Chopper's waiting at N.A.S. Anacostia.

I'm fine on a chopper, boss.

Chopper takes us to the ship, McGee.

USNS Chimera.

Get briefed at Anacostia.

You know, Brain Matter's playing a really late set.

That's odd, there's...

no Chimera on the register.

Any reason why that would be?

We'll get briefed at Anacostia.

Okay, I'll get my gear.

I'll get Duck. Pack a toothbrush. We're going to be there a while.

Well, look on the bright side, Probie.

Ixnay on the AinMatterBray.

Really wish I could go,

sorry.

Thanks anyway.

Take a...

Brain check?

Sorry.

We received word of the death this morning.

They say what killed the guy?

Isn't that your job, Agent Gibbs?

Commander Wilkins will have you out to the Chimera by nightfall.

Chimera's not listed in the Navy fleet.

It's not on the books.

The Chimera's a highly sophisticated,

top-secret research vessel.

Researching what?

That's need-to-know.

And you don't.

That's the "top secret" part, McGee.

Go in,

get the body,

come back out.

We've got a death to investigate.

Take witness statements,

do what you need to do.

Just don't ask anything beyond your pay level.

We'll do our jobs, Commander.

NCIS was called out because no other federal

investigative agency has clearance to get on the Chimera.

That said, even you guys don't have clearance to know what's on it.

I get it, boss.

It's a black ship.

Black sheep?

No, they don't exist.

I've seen black sheep.

No, I said "black ship," not sheep.

Clearly the US Navy is still intent on pulling

the wool over the eyes of the American people.

- Sir. - No photos.

It's standard procedure.

There's nothing standard about the Chimera.

I don't want anyone documenting what's on that ship.

Bring the camera, McGee.

I suggest you keep your inquiry focused on that body.

Chimera, Lady 8-0-6 approaching your deck for landing. Over.

Chimera, do you copy? Over.

The ship's LZ is obstructed.

We'll hold above deck in a hover.

We still can't raise any of the crew on the radio, sir.

Alert Commander Skinner.

Will do.

Where's the welcoming committee?

The deck lights are on.

Nobody's home.

This is most unusual, Jethro.

- It is creepy. - It's a ghost ship.

Agent Gibbs, we have reserve fuel.

We need to know if you're staying, sir.

Boss, I've got to tell you...

I don't have a real good feeling about this.

We're staying.

So this is the highly sophisticated,

top secret ship?

Looks more like an old tramp steamer.

I suppose they were trying to look inconspicuous,

hoping to be left alone.

Can you get any more alone than this?

I'm beginning to wonder whether they dropped us on the right ship.

Right ship.

Wrong night.

Every room is empty.

It's like the entire crew disappeared.

Welcome aboard the USNS Houdini.

Still playing.

Hey, it's your favorite, McGee

Brain Matter.

Thanks.

I feel bad enough already, okay?

Take another pill.

Sorry.

Wait a second, this doesn't make any sense.

Something suspicious?

Absolutely.

This guy had a full house. Why would he fold?

"Dear Mary Beth. Good news.

Overheard the captain say they had a good dive last night.

If they found what they were looking for,

we could be heading home any day.

I can't tell you much about the mission, but..."

But...?

It stops there.

You think they all just went out for an evening swim?

You notice something missing, Duck?

People.

Life boats.

Yeah, I didn't notice any on the starboard side either.

The ship was abandoned.

In a hurry, it would seem.

Too much of a hurry to send a Mayday?

No, no, Jethro. No questions beyond your pay level.

Five minutes.

You owe me ten bucks.

Where's McGee?

Calling Earl.

Shouting groceries.

Making street pizza.

Technicolor yawn.

I found something.

Lost something, too.

I guess you can't judge a black ship by its wool.

What are they researching, Duck?

Something to do with rats, if I were to guess

from these empty cages.

Skinner seemed pretty paranoid.

Guessing the mission wasn't purely humanitarian.

I doubt it's even human.

Thermosalinographs,

fluorometer, carbon analyzer...

Whatever it is,

it's not visible to the naked eye.

What was that?

Could be the metal of the ship

contracting in the cool of the evening.

Or not.

Sounded as if it was coming from the cargo hold above us.

Duck, you're with me.

Check out the cargo hold.

I was afraid you were going to say that.

Baa baa, black ship...

Have you any wool?

Yes sir, Yes sir...

But no one gets to see it.

You're gonna need top secret government clearance...

Someone or something's on the ship

with us.

I can feel it.

Yeah, I can see it.

Scared much, DiNozzo?

Stuff it, McBarf Bag.