The Bride

What?

Nothing.

It's just, I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

Yes, you are, and the cheesiest one, too.

Wow! That's...

I feel very loved and appreciated right now,

against all the knives stabbing my broken heart.

Oh, fuck it on a bucket, here we go again.

Drama, drama, drama.

I love you, okay?

Even though you are cheesier than a Valentine's Day card.

I love you, too.

Even when you act all cray-cray.

What did you just say?

Did you just say cray-cray?

- Yes, cray-cray. - Stop.

- Why stop? - Stop, stop, no.

I saw it on TV, it's cool.

- People are saying it. - No, it's not cool.

Cray-cray.

You are such a girl.

The parade of compliments continues. Come on, give me more.

Oh, okay, dork.

- I'm your dork, so... - Yes, don't remind me.

Seriously, though, are you okay with this decision?

What, marrying you?

Well, now that you mention it, I'm not sure.

- Ow, dude, that hurt. - Hey!

What was that one for?

I told you stop calling me "dude."

Okay.

- I'll stop. - Good.

- Hey! - Drive, cray-cray.

I am driving, and you are the cray-cray one.

- Cray-cray! - No.

You have to stop saying that, it's never cool.

- It's awesome. - No.

- Like me, it's awesome! - Oh, yes, like you.

Yup.

Okay, where are you hiding the butler?

How do you know him again?

Harrison?

We've been golf buddies for the past few months.

And he worked with you?

No, he's not a lawyer, he owns his own business.

Something with shipping, exchange, and collateral.

Well, he has taste, I'll give him that.

Very expensive taste.

He always dresses in designer this, designer that,

with a $200 haircut, smelling all GQ cool.

And he has this untouchable way of carrying himself.

Untouchable?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe a little too intense and too confident for some.

- But not for you. - Come on, really?

If I was to fear confidence and intensity,

we wouldn't be getting married in two days, would we?

I don't know, I always thought it was my

amazing personality and my perfectly shaped intelligence

that made you propose.

Baby, baby, I equally love both, your personality and your ass.

Correction. I'm sorry, I mean, your intelligence.

People should make even cast molds of it, and even post it

- in the dictionary next to-- - What'd you say?

- Post it. - Post it?

Next to the words naughty and perfection.

Oh, the defense rests, Your Honor.

Are you sure?

Because I was really looking forward to holding you

in contempt and punishing you a little bit.

Contempt.

Contempt, contempt!

Who needs contempt, Your Honor?

Foreplay is just for overcompensating teenagers.

Punish me.

I'm overdue some punishment.

Overdue.

We just punished each other before we left,

and I thought it was a great punishment.

I know I felt punished. Didn't you?

Speak of the devil, it's Harrison.

Oh, he's FaceTiming me.

Oh, exciting, ask him to beam you up.

Hey, man, is this your way to show me we have WiFi here?

You know what they say, "Why bother entering

if you don't make an entrance," right?

- Do you like? - Like? I love it.

Plus, you managed to impress Kira, and trust me, that's not an easy thing to do.

Oh, good, good.

Well, you two just enjoy, and relax this weekend, okay?

Okay, cool. Thanks, man. Oh, you want to see Kira?

No, Marco, this is not the proper way to meet someone.

I'll see her Sunday at the wedding.

You two just relax and enjoy the weekend.

Make it a night in, if you know what I mean, huh?

See you soon, buddy.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

This guy, he is so fucking cool.

He is like, Bruce Wayne and Gordon Gekko in one.

Wow, okay then, do you want me to give you some time alone

and get your bromance fantasy on?

Maybe some lotion?

The guy gave us this kick ass cabin for the weekend.

Can I at least give him a compliment or two?

Baby, as long as that's all you give him, I'm all good.

You are impossible, you know that, right?

Unredeemable.

Let's finish unpacking the car, okay.

I vow, to love you beyond the rim of this earth,

to fight for every moment of happiness together.

You are the air,

I want to breathe for the rest of my life.

And teasing you or not, I'd love nothing more

than to be your bride.

Crazy boy.

Why are you so mean?

You told me to wake you up at 10:00, it's 10:27.

Five more minutes?

You said five minutes, 20 minutes ago.

Come on, get up.

Up, up, up, up.

- No. - Such a baby.

Come on, I'll make you breakfast.

What?

Well, get up and you'll see.

Again, I told you I don't mind your stinking morning breath.

Hey, you don't have to be an ass about it.

An ass? An ass.

Okay, hello!

Good morning.

Are you ever coming back?

At least light up a match, okay?

Hold your horses, I'm coming.

You really just can't help it, can you?

For your information, Miss Smart Ass, I took a while,

to wrap this for you.

It's pink.

Just open it.

- What is it? - Open it and you'll see.

I know they are not your dad's, but I also know how much

you hated losing them and how safe they made you feel

close to your heart.

"Fuck it on the bucket."

I wanted to actually get you something that you would wear.

"You are the air I want to breathe for the rest of my life."

"In our future together."

So, do you like it?

I love it!

Try to... try to avoid getting too romantic.

This is romantic.

It shows how well you know me.

It's me, it's us.

And tomorrow, I'll become Mrs. Cheesy Man.

I couldn't be happier.

Well, that makes two of us.

- What? - Now, my turn.

No, no, no, I liked where that was going, come on.

The kissing thing and stuff.

Stay here, or I'll break your legs.

What? You know that even with a smile,

it's still very emasculating, right.

So sad.

- Close your eyes. - Okay.

And keep them closed.

They are.

Okay, open.

Baby, isn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?

Not if I strip it off, slowly.

- Don't you think? - I do, I solemnly do.

Because it's like food and the three second rule, right?

It doesn't really count if it's taken care of fast.

Shh!

Something borrowed.

Something blue.

Babe, did you hear that?

Stay right here.

- I'll come, too. - No, no! I said you stay here.

Marco?

Polo!

Put the gun down. Please.

This isn't as bad as it looks.

Everything is under control, so let's not escalate things beyond repairing.

Bitch, put the fucking gun down!

I'll put an air hole in your hubby's chest. You hear?

What the fuck you doing, man?

Shut the fuck up!

Look, we are not here to kill you, or him.

I can promise you that.

But, if you don't put that gun down,

my drunk friend over there is gonna put a bullet right in your husband's head.

Drunk friend, man? It's my fucking b-day, man!

I can drink as much as I want!

Don't you put this shit on me, man.

Shut your fat fucking hole!

Learn your place, or I'll dig one and put you in it. Understood?

Listen. There is no easy way to say this.

This is kidnapping, which means we're gonna gonna take you

away from your boy there, for a little camping trip.