Joe vs Carole

* *

* *

Joe.

Water's great.

What ya thinking about?

How happy you make me.

So where you wanna go?

- Somewhere where there's a beach, definitely.

Then the beach it is.

Maybe Galveston or Gulf Shores.

- How long before you think we'll be able to go back?

To Oklahoma?

Well, I don't think we're ever gonna be able to go back there.

You know, Jeff Lowe's got a lot of shit on me,

and the way I left things, he's not exactly

a "let bygones be bygones" kind of guy.

- So we're just gonna start another zoo somewhere else?

- No, I can't start a zoo, or they'll find me.

But doesn't mean we can't have pets wherever we go.

- But how are we gonna make money?

Have you even met me yet?

You know I'm gonna find a way.

Shit. Just stay cool.

Think they see me?

- You think they're looking for you?

Just act natural.

- You think you look natural doing that?

Shut up and eat the chips.

* *

[indistinct police radio chatter]

* *

- I didn't know what color you wanted,

so I got brown and red.

You sure you gotta do this?

- Yeah, I can't risk being recognized.

- Hand me the scissors. - Yeah.

Okay.

* *

Fuck it! I just won't get caught.

- Agents Nishida and Thomas, Fish and Wildlife.

Oh.

The surf-and-turf cops.

I was wondering when you would get around to visiting.

Why's that?

- 'Cause I'm the one that told Allen Glover

to tell you guys what Joe put him up to.

I also told him to be totally honest.

- Is that right? - Yeah, that's right.

You wanna know why?

Because I'm a big believer in transparency.

It's kind of like my personal philosophy.

You know where Joe is?

If I knew where he was,

I would've turned that piece of shit in myself.

Little fucker gutted my zoo.

- You have anything to do with the murder-for-hire

- Glover told us about? - Beyond what I heard?

No, I--I try not to associate myself

with shady individuals like that.

Really?

You seem to be mixed up

with a lot of them in this case.

- Yeah, well, you think you know some people, right?

- We have reason to believe Joe is abusing animals here

in addition to the murder-for-hire.

- Look, if you guys wanna take a look around my zoo,

go ahead, knock yourselves out, be my guests.

But do humanity a favor, all right?

You lock that motherfucker up and you throw away the key.

Yeah?

- I don't know what that guy's guilty of,

but he is definitely guilty of something.

- Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome to Big Cat Rescue.

I am Carole Baskin.

It's been a while since I've given a tour myself,

but I am excited to get back in the swing of things.

Let us...begin.

This is Cat Sajak.

He came to us about 16 months ago from an owner

who was not very nice to him.

And unfortunately he's just one of countless

abused and mistreated animals

trapped in cages all across this country.

And that is why I am personally determined

to get back to Washington to...

Arthur?

* *

Arthur?

* *

Come on. Can you see?

- Mom? -

* *

Mom.

Sorry.

I'm so sorry. Where was I?

Just Congress. The bill.

Congress. Yeah.

That is wh--excuse me.

That's why it's critical that we get our bill

to the House for a vote,

because cats like this are depending on it.

So let's move along to the servals, please.

- It's so cute. Looks just like the picture.

Mm-hmm.

- I'm gonna get the key from the lockbox.

Okay.

- Hi there. - Hi.

- Did you rent the Gentry house?

Yes, ma'am, we did.

- Well, welcome to the neighborhood.

Thank you.

- I'm Deanna. - Hi.

- You and your son should come over, barbecue with us.

- Well, he's actually my husband, and we'd love to.

How about this weekend? I cook a mean steak.

I'll check with my husband.

Sounds good. You do that.

* *

- - Thomas, you there?

Yeah.

- You find anything in Joe's house?

- Just an old laptop and a dildo.

- Well, take the laptop. Leave the dildo.

Roger that.

- We found something. You better get over here.

Looks like four tigers.

Scratch that, five.

Damn.

We gotta get this guy.

[rock music playing over speakers]

* *

The police were here, Joe.

Well, not the police.

I don't know who they were, but they had badges.

Shit. The FBI?

- Tell him they were chickens coming home to roost.

- Shh. I don't know who they were,

but they were asking all sorts of questions.

- Well, did you tell 'em anything?

I don't know anything.

They were saying crazy stuff about you

trying to hurt Carole Baskin.

What's that all about?

Fuck.

I think I really messed up.

- Whatever it is, I'm sure you can fix it.

- I don't know if I can this time.

You still there, Joe?

I don't know what to do.

- Well, you're gonna take a breath,

and then you're gonna figure it out like you always do.

You're a good boy. You hear me?

Okay.

You need any money?

I could maybe manage $200.

- How about three? - All right.

What's your new phone number? I wanna check in on you.

- 850-- - Wait, let me get a pen.

Now, what was it? Eight something?

850-555-0187.

Keep that number to yourself, Ma.

Don't you worry.

I love you, Ma.

I love you too, Joe.

Nishida.

- Nishida. - I'm busy.

You're gonna wanna hear this.

I got Joe's burner number and pinged it.

- Are you serious? - We know where he is.

Shit, Thomas.

Did you just do something right?

- I won't let it get to my head.

Let's go.

- I really wanna work on my lats.

Get that V shape going, you know?

Did I tell you I found a gym?

It's so great here.

I gotta find me a second job

so we can afford a house that'll accept pets.

Got any leads?

- Well, there's a job up at the hospital.

I was thinking of dropping my résumé up there later.

- Look at you. - I know.

* *

That's all I really want now, Dillon,

is a small place for you and me and a couple of dogs.

Maybe a snake.

- On the ground! - Federal agents!

- On the ground! - Get down! Get down!

Quiet. Simple.

* *

Doesn't that sound nice?

* *

- Joseph Schreibvogel Maldonado-Passage,

you are under arrest.

* *

Hey.