The Toxic Avenger Unrated

I didn't want any of this.

-Not the... -(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

-(GROANS) -(WOMAN 1 SCREAMS)

-(DRILL WHIRRING) -(KLAXON BLARES)

-(GROWLING) (SHOUTS) Wait!

-Wait, stop! -(SCREAMS)

Fuck! We'll get to all of that.

Just...(PANTS)Just relax...

Okay? Jesus.

I didn't want any of this.

Not the grief, not the illness.

Certainly not the heroic voiceover.

That's not who I am.

But sometimes, you gotta do something...

It all started on the other side of town.

I wasn't even involved.

(RADIO SWEEPING, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay, we've got this hysteric

on line two again.

Now, um, you're saying that this beloved corporation

would knowingly poison its own customers

selling unhealthy slop just to, uh... to what?

Just to boost their own profit margins?

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Where's the proof?

I'm not an expert on chemical stuff,

but I'm not an idiot either.

I can see it with my own eyes. I can smell it in the air,

-I can feel it on my skin. Ah, okay, sweetheart.

-(LINE DISCONNECTS) (CHUCKLES) Oof.

-Must be a full moon. -(RADIO SWEEPING)

Are you okay?

Got these fuckers now.

Were you followed? -Don't worry.

You taught me how to spot a tail, right?

Where'd you get this?

BT headquarters.

Got to the 12th floor,

dug into their internal system.

That's risky.

Well, I'm not going to the factory if I can help it.

These bastards.

Oh, my God. You did it.

This is exactly what we need to destroy BTH.

J.J., you've done real good.

-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Oh, God.

-(POUNDING ON DOOR) -Let's go.

-(LOUD THUD) -(EXHALES)

Go.

Come on! I'm right here!

J.J., go!

Here we come.

-Little girl! -(J.J. PANTING)

Oh, my God. Okay, okay.

Goddamn it!

You assholes are too late!

There's nothing you can do to me.

Motherfucker.

You dickless idiots!

Nothing.

Is that all you've got, you fucking pussies?

Halloween assholes!

This fucking guy. Is that all you can do?

Fuck each of you.

-(MAN 3 HISSES) You've got nothing!

Nothing.

(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY IN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTING) Fucking door!

Nah. She's nobody.

Nothing at all.

Oh?

Oh, fuck, it hurts! Jesus Christ!

(OLD ROMANTIC BALLAD MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)

Good morning.

We'd lost Shelly a year ago.

Her sweet kid, Wade, and me.

Yeah, the evil stepdad.

I still dream about her most nights.

These days, it's just me and the kid.

It's, uh... It's going good.

Depression, fatigue, aches and pains,

and the malaise of everyday life.

-(ECHOING) Don't worry. -Hmm.

At BTH, we've got stuff

-for all that stuff and more. -(AD JINGLE PLAYING)

(QUICKLY) Side effects notwithstanding.

Our line of proprietary cutting-edge

bio-boosters are the way to health, wellness,

-and plain old feeling good. -(HUMMING)

I'm CEO Robert Garbinger. But please, call me Bob.

Thank you, Bob.

Thank you, Bob.

Bonnie Dimble here, live from New Chemistry High School

for Varsity Tournament season.

Coach Stanwyck.

What can we expect from the Crimson Beaks this year?

New Chem is gonna nuke 'em.

Wouldn't wanna be the Kennedy Cougars

this Saturday, huh?

Man, fuck the Cougars!

-Oh. Oh, my God... Fuck the Cougars!

Switching gears, we have a special exclusive

for y'all at home now.

It's the brand-new video

from those far-out shocker rockers

appearing this Saturday

at the St. Roma's Fun Town Festival.

Our hometown anti-heroes, The Killer Nutz.

Roll it, Terry.

(THE KILLER NUTZ SINGING CRAZY AND DANGEROUS)

Hey, buddy.

These guys, huh?

Got everything, got everything. Okay.

Okay, breakfast is served. Get some.

Ah, that's just junk mail. Uh...

Whoa! Dig the shade. What is that?

Black Thunder?

It's so nice.

Looks really rad.

Mmm.

Um...

Looks great.

Well, I'll just scrape off the black part.

-It's fine. It's okay. It's okay.

That part's pretty good.

-(CHURCH BELL TOLLING) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(BELL DINGING) -Oh, hey, Dais.

How are you?

Please, don't hurt...

-I don't wanna hurt him. -(CAT WHINES)

And you don't want to accept

our more-than-reasonable offer

for your piece of property here.

But I promise you...

you're gonna.

Okay, I'll sign.

Ah. Common sense prevails.

I'll be back with the papers...

-tonight. Now give him back.

-(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) -(CAT SCREECHES)

Mr. Treats!

-(BELL DINGS) Watch it. Whoa!

Get out of the fucking road!

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

What the fuck are you doing?

My bike's fucking ruined!

That motherfucker saved a cat!

The wages of sin is $12 an hour.

Are you in the... Are you in the yellow zone?

Seems like a yellow. It's not red, is it?

I'm not ten.

Stop with the zones.

Can you do your tapping?

I'm doing

-my tapping right now. -Okay, okay.

What does this look like to you?

You seem flooded.

Why didn't you do anything?

You just stood there while those khaki creeps

pushed Daisy around.

Do what?

Anything.

Oh, Wade.

Sometimes it's...

it's better to do nothing.

You know, you'll see that when you're older.

So you're all set for your big dance piece?

It's not a dance, okay? It's a property movement piece.