Kevin Can Wait

Hey, I need some advice.

I want to go to the Ed Sheeran concert

Saturday with my friends, so...

how do I get Dad to say yes?

Okay, first of all, pronounce "Ed Sheeran concert"

like this. Are you ready?

"Museum."

Got it.

And then he's gonna ask you two questions...

"Who are you going with?" and "How are you getting there?"

If you answer those with confidence,

you are in the Sheeran business.

You mean museum business.

Ooh, nice!

Morning, ladies.

- Hi. - Hey.

Wow, looking sharp, Dad.

Ah, yeah, Vanessa and I got a pitch meeting today,

so you got to dress like a winner.

Also put on some cologne so I smell like a winner.

Yeah, yeah,

that's a lot of winning you got on.

Yeah, the cap was loose. She got away from me.

So, Dad, what do you think about me

going to a museum in the city Saturday night?

Who are you, uh...

Who are you going with?

Just some friends... Kiera. Bunch of us.

Okay. Um, who's driving?

Kiera's mom.

Okay.

Okay, what, uh...

What museum?

Um, the Museum of...

History.

History?

No, I-I think she means

the Museum of Natural History,

- right, Sara? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The natural one. Naturally.

I guess it's okay. I mean, just...

Wait a second. Hold on a second.

What time does the Museum of.

Natural History close on Saturday?

- - At 5:45 p.m.

You're not going anywhere 'cause you lied!

I'm sorry. He had a flip phone when I was your age.

So, with our low overhead,

we're able to provide top-notch security

at a much lower cost to you.

Bottom line is, y-y-you

need Monkey Fist 'cause people...

People out there are just...

They're bananas.

Hmm. Bananas, monkeys...

I love it.

It was... It wasn't even on the card.

I just threw that out there. That was amazing.

It was good. Well, I got a feeling we'll see you real soon.

Alright! This is amazing.

- Great. Thank you so much. - Thank you so much.

Thank you. Okay. Can you believe that...

- Alright, alright. - Awesomeness.

Celebrate outside, outside, outside.

Okay, now!

Yes! Yeah! We crushed it.

I mean, you were on fire with the stats.

I got to say... They weren't even boring this time.

And... And when you went on about the... the banana thing,

- I was... first, I was cringing... - Yeah.

But then he liked it, and I was like, "Okay!"

Okay. I was like... I couldn't even believe it was happening.

I was literally hovering above my body,

- watching myself say it. - Right?!

- I was like, "Go, go, go!" - Yes! Yes!

That is amazing! We're gonna get this job.

- I feel it. I really do feel good. - I know. I know.

- Let's go. Let's go. - Okay, alright, let's get out of here.

Cellucci? Gable? Frank Munson?

You... What, you working SWAT now?

Nah, nah, I retired eight years ago.

Started my own company... Nassau Security.

Oh. Nassau Security?

You guys are huge.

We're doing alright. Can't complain. You?

Uh, yeah, we started one, too.

Monkey Fist.

We're banging some pots and pans ourselves.

I don't follow.

You know, just making some noise,

grabbing some attention.

I'm sure you heard of us.

No.

You guys on Long Island?

Yes, we... We're on Long Island.

We were just in there pitching.

Oh, totally crushed it.

- We just nailed it. - Nice!

We're actually heading in ourselves.

Matter of fact, John, go plug in the fog machine.

F-F-Fog machine?

Yeah, we do a little, uh, weapons demo, some MMA.

You know, the old dog and pony show.

Oh, yeah, right. Well, she was in there just dropping some facts

about all different kinds of statistics

and things like that,

and I-I hit them with a banana riff.

Yeah, it was good.

By the way, Gable,

I'm bummed you, uh, shaved the moustache. I liked that thing.

Yeah. I know you do because you used to call me.

Fat Burt Reynolds.

Look, I'm sorry, man. I was kind of a jerk back then.

You know, we were both trying to make sergeant.

I said some things I'm not proud of.

Alright, cool.

Anyway, good luck with your pitch.

- May the best company win. - Thanks.

They're the best company, right?

Yep. Not even close.

Congratulations! Whoo!

We didn't get it.

What happened?

It wasn't our day.

I'll cancel the pizzas.

No. Keep 'em. I'm a stress eater.

Look, we know you guys need hours.

We'll... We'll figure something out.

I don't want to quote you,

but you said if we came to Monkey Fist,

we'd be "stupid with jobs".

Relax. You're halfway there.

Well, as long as we're airing grievances,

my, uh, last paycheck bounced.

Okay, that wasn't our fault.

There was a technical glitch with the, uh, payroll.

- Yeah. - What glitch?

We didn't have any money in the account.

Hello.

- Munson? - Munson?

Hope this isn't a bad time, guys.

Yeah, well, we heard you got the account.

So, what, you come here and want to give us a little "victory dance"?

Look, when we first started out, we got our butts kicked, too.

Made us stronger. And when the word gets out on you guys,

you'll be turning down accounts.

And when that happens,

I want you to celebrate.

- Tequila? - Little peace offering.

Let you know there's room enough for all of us.

Is that a real scorpion in there?

Yep. Covered in gold.

When you guys start landing the big gigs,

crack it open, have a drink on me.

Hang tough, guys.

Thanks, man.

That was sweet!

He took an account from us.

Ah, still, that's a classy move.

He's right.

- Thank you. - Not you, Hodor.

Munson.

I mean, we got to up our game.

You know, maybe we should get tactical gear

or something like that, or learn MMA.

You know, does anybody know about that stuff...

That mixed martial arts?

Sounds dangerous.

Well, first thing we got to do is get our name out there

- 'cause no one knows we exist. - He's right.

We... We need some type of advertising campaign.

Maybe we should rent one of those skywriting planes.

Now, hear me out on this.

We just buy one.

Wait a second. We don't have any money!

Okay, look, there's got to be a way we can do this

without spending a lot of cash.

Yeah, that won't be hard to find somebody really smart

who wants to work for free.

Based on what you told me,

this Nassau Security sounds like a big player.

It's gonna be difficult to compete with them.

Heyyy, information we already have, guy!

Moving forward, what you need to do

is carve out your own niche in the marketplace.

So, if they keep getting the big fish,

perhaps it's time you started targeting the little fish.

Actually, yes, Th... that's smart.

We get like five little ones,

and that's like landing one big fish.

- Exactly. - Yep.

I-I-I know this is off-topic, by the way, but, uh,

McDonald's has two-for-one Filet-O-Fish every Friday.

Today is Friday.

- Really? - I told you it was off-topic.

Alright, whatever. It doesn't matter.

Just... Small accounts. Go ahead.

Okay.

Your other issue is branding.

Now, Mr. Gable, can you tell me