The Boy Friend

- Here you are, Poll. - Oh, oh!

Oh, hold on, oh.

Here you are. You look after her.

But what about my money?

Hey! Where's my baby?

She's over there.

Put it on the slate.

I'll get the sack if they're late again.

Hurry up, then.

Just along there.

Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Parkhill.

Good afternoon, Len.

All for Mrs. P., I'm afraid.

Must be bills, then.

Thank you, darling.

Has my old man sent me maintenance order, Len?

I'll have a look, luv.

Disgusting!

All for you, dear.

Are you sending by post now, luv?

Better than giving it away!

Hello, gorgeous.

I suppose I should be thankful

for small mercies. Anything?

Nothing for you this morning...

They all in yet, Len?

All in except Rita and Tommy.

He won't be long. You can hear him coming a mile off.

Practicing, practicing. Don't you ever stop dancing?

Can't, toots. I'm in training for my second big break.

Second? You're kidding. What was the first?

Didn't you ever hear of the baby toast of Broadway?

Tiny Tom, the tapping tot?

Ha ha! Grew up, didn't you?

Ha ha! Overnight.

And who can use a tiny tot who's 10 feet tall?

How about Barnum & Bailey?

They already had one,

and he was a bearded lady to boot.

So I booked a one-way ticket

on a cattle boat to merry old England.

Blimey! From Broadway to Portsmouth?

Bit of a comedown, isn't it?

A stepping stone, toots...

A mere stepping stone to stardom.

Hey, not bad.

Here's your stout, luv.

Ta.

Cheese and chutney, right?

Oh, thanks, Poll. Put it on the slate.

Ta.

I seem to...

Who sent me the flowers?

Oh, I...

I forget.

I bought one apple too many.

Would you like it?

No, thanks.

I had one already.

Poll...

I'll have it if it's going begging.

Right, luv. Here. You have it.

Oh, ta.

5 minutes, everyone.

Afternoon. Here's your gin.

Don't you knock when you enter the stars' dressing room?

Sorry. They didn't have smoked salmon.

So I got salmon shrimp, alright?

Paste! Surely you don't expect

Mrs. P. to eat paste, do you?

I'm sorry, but it was the nearest they had.

Nearest they had! Oh, hark at that!

Take off, will you?

Don't mind, Polly. I just need

a little something to settle me before I go on.

Anything will do.

But it was the best they had, Mrs. P.

Shipham's. By appointment.

They have it at Buckingham Palace.

When they're entertaining

their cockney highnesses,

it's the pearly king and queen, I suppose.

How long we got?

Oh, 5 minutes, please.

There'll be some change, then?

Crikey. I forgot. I owe you 2 and 11 plus 3 farthings.

If I give you a farthing, you could give me 3 Bob, right?

Oh, yeah.

- Polly! - Hmm?

Oh, ta, Mrs. P. You shouldn't.

Why do you encourage her?

Overture, beginners, please.

My hatbox ribbon came undone yesterday, Polly.

Oh, it won't happen again, Miss Maisie.

Oh, Polly, help me with my hooks.

Hello, Rosie.

Oh, look, I do like me feather duster

hanging out beside me dismal Desmond, Polly.

Do try and remember.

Got a fag, Poll?

Ooh. Ain't he lovely?

Oh, Polly, don't whistle in the dressing room!

- Why not? - Because it's unlucky,

that's why. Now go outside, turn around 3 times

and knock on the door.

What do nursing mothers need?

My-Rose!

Come in!

- Now swear. - Damn!

Where's that lazy lady?

She'll turn up. Don't worry.

She'll be late for her own funeral, that one.

Here. Where is Rita?

Oh, isn't she here yet?

Well, I don't expect she'll be missed.

Well, she is the star of the show.

Do you really think so?

She'll be fined again if she ain't careful.

They're all called, Mr. Max, except Rita.

She ain't here yet.

Not here? Put her down for a fine!

If you fine her again, she'll be owing you money.

With this house, I need it.

Why must these wretched garden fetes always coincide

with our matinees?

Not a cloud in the sky!

Let me know the minute she arrives!

Yes, Mr. Max.

Blimey! There's more on the stage

than in the blooming audience.

Down there.

Allo? Allo?

Is that Gaston, the costumier?

Oh. It is Madame Dubonnet's maid.

Dubonnet.

Day-ooh-bay-oh- enny-enny-ee-tee.

Madame Dubonnet of the Villa Caprice!

Accent!

Accent!

Oh. Ha ha ha!

Zee school for young ladies.

I wish to know if you have ready the costume

for Miss Polly Browne.

B-l-o-double d-n-a-ahve-ee.

Accent!

With an E. She wishes it for zee carnival ball Ce soir.

Ha ha ha. You do not comprehend?

Then get me Monsieur Gaston himself!

Mmph! Monsieur Gaston?

Oh.

Allo.

No, no, no.

She's no more French than I am.

- Rita not here? - No, Mr. Max. Naughty!

Nobody asked for your opinion.

She was having hijinks in the high street

with a sailor around lunchtime.

Opening time, you mean, dear. Let's be honest.

Fine publicity!

Well, she's never missed an entrance yet.

Mind your hatbox, Dulcie.

Madame Dubonnet of Villa Caprice!

She's never been the same since I promoted her to star billing.

Went to her head, totally. No... Telephone, Mr. Max.

Tell them to ring again!

How can you expect me to speak at a time like this?

But they must speak to you personally!

It's not C.B. Cochran from London, is it?

No, it ain't. It's the hospital.

Ha ha ha. Bon.

Then you will deliver it straight-away?

Merci!

S'il vous plait,

have you forgotten who you are?

Forgotten who we are?

Of course not!

Oh!

Oh!

Terrible, terrible!