Phony

You didn't say anything about this online.

Yeah, remember when I

told you about the experiment I was working on?

No, experiment?

So I'm a sociologist, right?

And I told you that I was really busy.

Right, yeah, you said you were real busy.

Right, and I had a lot of work to do.

Well, this is what I'm working on.

I asked you to help.

Yeah

So what do I do? I just eat?

Yeah, just ignore the cameras completely.

That's the point actually,

is to see how well people can ignore being watched

when they know that they are.

Okay, so, what should we do?

Should we act like we're sitting down

introducing ourself?

- Like, hey David, I'm... - No, no, no, no.

No acting at all. No acting, just sit, you and me,

completely ignore the cameras.

Okay

- You got it? - Mm-hmm.

Okay, so here we go.

No acting.

So, Erin?

Who has two?

They came from the grant,

but you're not ignoring the cameras

and that's the whole point.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Okay, I'm good.

I have one more question.

No one gets to see this, right?

No, absolutely no one will get to see this.

Okay.

I'm ignoring the the cameras.

Let's do this.

I thought you said you were six one.

It's a waxing moon.

What?

Our heights are affected by the lunar cycle.

Kind of like the waves in the ocean.

So, throughout the course of the month,

we have a range of different heights that we occupy.

Well, you're the scientist.

Waxing moon.

Wait, were you filming all this?

Yeah, I told you I was gonna be recording

all of our interaction.

No, you said just the conversation.

I haven't signed any sort of consent form.

I mean, I have you on camera saying, "Yes," so.

No one gets to see this though, right?

That's right.

Well, except for some clinicians.

Wait, who?

Nobody, just some researchers,

like they're not perverted or anything.

Just some little scientists

trying to make this world a better place.

They're heroes really.

But that's it?

Yeah, that's it.

I could be a clinician, all right?

I will be one.

I mean, this is what I'm saying, man.

Lies are where it's at, no one wants the truth.

She totally fuckin' bought it.

I hear you, oh man.

David, I'm serious when I ask this,

and I need you to be honest,

What's that?

What's her number?

I'm not giving you her number.

Look at that, she's totally asking for it.

Literally, she is.

No.

All right, well, how was she?

What, like in bed?

No, in the experiment.

I mean, there's no experiment, so.

Of course I meant in bed, you idiot, all right?

Although...

Although what?

Dude, no, you can't.

- Don't film this. - I'm just saving this

for later,

- just give me a... - No, this is not for you

to save to later.

- This is not for you. - Okay, listen for a second.

Stop it, delete the shot.

You don't need it, delete the shot.

Okay.

You do it?

Chill out, I'll delete it, I promise.

You promise?

I promise.

All right, just give me a second. I'm just gonna...

Oh fuck.

My camera, okay.

Hopefully that's good and I'm just gonna adjust that.

Let me, let me, let me.

Okay, all right, well, okay, you're the expert.

What are we doing here?

You said something earlier

and it really stuck with me.

I think we can turn your shitty womanizing

into something really great.

Whoa.

No, I know.

Listen, hear me out.

You said that lying is where it's at.

Yeah, I did say that.

Okay and you lie to women to hook up with them

- and that's... - No, it's more than that.

Okay, but you lie to them, right? Why?

Okay, so, our whole lives we're groomed on fiction

and movies and books.

No one actually wants to be with someone that's real.

So who the fuck is gonna swipe right on someone like...

On you?

Sure, yeah, someone like me.

It's almost like in order to experience a real relationship,

you kind of have to be fake.

That makes total sense, David.

All right, that's what I want this movie to say.

Dude you're not putting my fucking sex tape online.

I don't care what bullshit justification you have,

that's called revenge porn.

I mean, unless they sign some sort of consent,

but then that defeats

- the whole point, right? - Okay, listen,

does National Geographic publish a

tribal revenge porn magazine?

Dude, that is not even the same.

Not even comparable.

That's documentary.

Okay?

If it's documentary or satire, you don't need consent.

Okay, then genius,

give me a documentary-satire on boobs.

Okay.

Breast in show.

That was clever.

Look David,

I wanna make a tasteful film

about how deceitful we have to be these days.

If you're uncomfortable with the sex stuff,

we don't need to have it in there.

No nudity in the movie.

Then no one's gonna watch it.

The whole point of someone watching a documentary

is so that they can look at boobs

without feeling like a dick for watching porn.

Well, then fuck them!

Okay? We're not gonna be one of those shitty docs

that shows gratuitous hot chicks' breasts

at the beginning of a film,

just to trick them into watching 90 minutes

of fucking boring bullshit.

Look, okay.

This is what we'll do.

After it's all over, after it's all done,

we'll run it past the girls, right?

And if they're cool with the film,

which they will be because of the positive message

and it's not exploitative,

maybe they'll let us show each of them topless at the end.

As a reward for the guys

that have made it all the way through.

So you wanna take turns tricking girls

into believing our bullshit,

and then what? We capitalize

- off that, or what? - No, no, no, no, David, stop.

Not we.

No, I'm not in this.

Just me?

Yeah.

You're the one that's good at this shit.

You are the one that's good at manipulating people

into doing what they want.

I'm bad at that, I'm bad and I'm not gonna be in it.

No way.

Except for right now, right here, right now?

No, man, no.

This is way too boring, this is not gonna make the cut.

'Cause there's no naked chicks in it.

Okay, all right, yeah, that was clever.

Thank you.

That was clever.

But that's not the same thing.

Look, David, are you in?

No fucking way.

Okay, so what are we gonna film this on?

Like cell phones?

No way, dude.

If we want to make a movie,