Legit

I don't know, man.

I just remember they threw these two roosters into the ring,

they started fighting, and I blacked out.

Sorry for punching you.

No. Really, I... I deserved it.

Was one hell of a bender.

Think I left my gun at the cockfight.

Or maybe at the playground.

Playground?

No, that was my pants.

What's weird is, I don't know

how I wound up on the beach in my underwear,

'cause, uh... one minute I'm at this like supergay party,

and the next thing I know, I'm waking up

facedown on a lawn chair, in my underwear,

with my feet in the ocean.

I mean...

God, I hope I didn't blow a dude.

Or worse.

Was your asshole bleeding?

No more than usual.

Ah, you're fine. We've all been there.

I don't think you improved your chances of getting Emily back.

Yeah, well...

I'm gonna do better. Look at this.

"Be a better man, stop drinking, be a better father."

I think number two should be first,

and then if you're number three,

you'll automatically be number one.

I'm serious. I'm making changes.

Hey.

What, you texting Katie?

No. All right?

I-I'm asking people to come over later on.

- You giving up drinking tomorrow? - Yeah, I guess so.

All right, so we have fun tonight, right?

It's practice.

Done.

Good luck, Steve.

Who's that guy?

No idea.

I was at the cockfight.

Oh, God.

Ohh.

Quit being a dick.

Hey. I'm Zack.

And the group is very concerned

about what's going on with you and your substance abuse.

What? Is this some... is this an intervention?

Yes.

For me?

Or me?

Oh, um...

w-which one's Steve?

Him. The bald one.

Oh, yeah. I-it's you, so have a seat.

You.

Okay. Good. This is good.

'Cause, uh, I was just telling Jim earlier that, um...

I'm gonna quit tomorrow.

Show them the napkin.

I wrote it on a napkin.

Steve, there's a place that you can go to

straightaway from here.

That's the guy who was banging your mum the other day.

Oh, God.

And everyone here loves you.

No. Wal... sorry. Walter, n-no clapping.

I just know Steve from the firing range.

"Love" is a strong word.

Yeah, hey, Gene, I got a gun question for you

after this is, you know, finished.

I'm your guy. Let's focus on Steve.

Excuse me. What the hell is Ted doing here?

Oh, he's, um, battled some demons.

I saw him battling a demon the other day.

He's very good at it.

Steve, I've been keeping tabs on you through the family.

I've been keeping tabs on you through the window, Ted.

And I want you to know I'm here for you, buddy.

That's great, Ted. Thanks.

So, if there are any questions before we start...

Yes.

Um...

Hi. My name's Jim.

Hi, Jim!

You don't have to do that. That's another group...

different group.

All right, look, I've got to say,

I'm disappointed with everyone here.

I think that I should've been involved

in the preparation of this soiree.

The group feels that you're a part of the problem.

A big part of the problem.

Me? No! I-I'm helpful.

I-I...

Walter and Steve get into a bar fight,

I have to bail them out of prison.

Ramona was there. She's a problem.

Don't even, Jim.

I took the car out of the tow yard. I paid for that.

And Billy's chair was locked in there. I got the chair back.

I had to play a game of chess

against a horde of Mexican gangbangers.

I was just in the bar with Steve,

and I told him to take an inventory of his life, didn't I?

Yeah.

You were at a bar, Jim.

Yeah. Yes, Zack. It was in a bar.

That's where men talk.

He's got you there, Zack.

A bar is where you go when you want to talk.

I mean, men don't pour out their heart and souls sober.

It's... it's awkward.

No, that... that's not true.

Like father, like loser.

Uh, thank you.

Georgia, would you like to let Steve know how this feels?

Um, Steve...

Emily's the most important thing in the world to me,

and you're her father.

- Well, I care about you. - We care.

Yeah.

And even though we're getting married...

Don't bring that up.

Uh... You're still kind of her dad.

I, uh... I-I prepared something.

Uh...

I don't want to hear from this dick.

"Dear Steve.

"When I was driving down the Pacific Coast highway

"and spotted you in your underwear,

"my first thought was,

"'Who's that homeless guy?'

"and then I was like,

'Hey, that's Steve.'

love, Todd."

Really had to write that down, huh, Todd?

Maybe you should've been more concerned

with Emily's well-being when you were just

the guy across the street who was drilling her mom.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry. Who?

Her.

You see...

She was Steve's wife at the time... Emily's mama.

The whore.

- Uh, okay. - Takes one to know one.

Let's back it up so we can move forward.

"Back it up, move it forward"?

Steve, you may not realize this,

but you are writing your history as a father.

And I don't want her story

to be that her dad chose booze over her.

She's right.

We don't want Emily to be a stripper, do we?

That's where she's headed. You know?

'Cause it's always daddy issues.

It's never a problem with the mum.

They always say they just want to be dancers.

They want to be professional dancers.

But there's... y-you know,

no one's a professional dancer in this world.

You got to have other skills.

Um, okay. Thank you, Jim, for sharing your emotion.

Um...

Walter, would you like to say something to Steve?

Yeah.

Uh, Stevie-boy...

I've always told you that when life gives you lemons,

y-you try to make lemonade out of it,

but, yeah, I know lately

life's been throwing you a lot of lemons

and you just end up making shit,

so...

Stop making shit.

Thanks, dad.

Okay, no, no. Sit down, please.

No... no... no clapping, no standing.

Not gonna get a better speech than that, Zack.

Okay. Uh, Walter, is that... is that it?

Well, I was wondering, uh...

is it okay to have a beer at these things?

No, it's an intervention.

All right. I feel a progress. Do you?

Gonna... gonna have a little break.

- I need a break. - All right.

Got to top that cheese up.

Making progress.

Hey, Zack, can I sit over there?

Thanks for coming over, Darren. I appreciate it.

Anything for you, Jim.

You sure that's gonna be enough? Big party, man.

Oh, it's not a party. It's an intervention out the back.

I'm not comfortable with that.

It's not my intervention, okay?

Really?

Yeah.

I'm just Steve's buddy from the firing range.

You know, he likes to have a drink,

and people lose their kids every day or whatever, but...