Damnation Alley

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

Good morning, officers and gentlemen.

- Good morning, Sergeant. - How are you doing, Keegan?

- Fantastic, I've got a leave coming up. - Where are you going?

I don't know yet, but it's gonna be some place very green.

I can see you're not carrying any booze, or women,

or animals, on your person, which is as it should be.

That's a new one.

You got old Joe Bradley pretty good.

Yeah, I did catch him a little bit, didn't I?

- You're the one I can't "catch" Major. - That's because he's so shifty.

- How long would it take to do a portrait in oil? - About a week of preliminary sketches...

and a month of painting.

Do you want to be immortalized by me, Major?

No, not me.

I wanna give my wife an anniversary present.

You're gonna have a nude done?

As a matter of fact, I can give you a great deal on a nude.

But if you're serious, I'll be happy too.

Well, we'll see what she says when she comes back from Chicago.

OK.

It's your move, major.

Bishop to Queen 4.

Bishop? You poor fool! Bishop to Queen 4...

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

Is a pretty good artist.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell he's doing in the service.

I think I should mention that I have applied for a roster change.

Oh... Why is that?

I just think we're not temperamentally suited as work team.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

Unless you subscribe to a conspiracy theory.

You're just going to have to believe you don't meet specifications.

- Whose specifications, sir? - Mine.

Thanks for telling me. At least I can plan my future.

Good morning. We have hot coffee and sandwiches.

- You're relieved, Captain. - Thank you, sir.

- Have a nice day. - Same to you.

Should we run a modular check?

That's what we're here for, isn't it?

Step one...

- Looks like a satellite reentry to me. - It appears to be a burn up.

Negative on satellite.

Blue Square 1, Blue Square 1, Blue Square 1.

Red talon,copy, Blue Square 1. Break, break.

Part One: Three, Charlie, Alpha, Foxtrot, Tango.

Part Two...

Tango, Alpha, Charlie, Delta, X-ray, Oscar.

Part Three,

04-2346 authentication, Sierra, Alpha.

- I have a valid message. - I agree.

Multiple warhead strikes, confirmed.

- Retaliatory strike under advisement. - Contacts at, 265 heading at 85 degrees.

- They're unknown. - Jesus.

Arm all missiles.

All missiles... armed.

Positions at 051015. Zulu, Zulu, Whiskey, Four.

M1 alert, 1.

- We confirm hostile... - Hostile missiles...

heading to major U.S. population targets.

- Foxtrot call 420. - 300 interceptors.

Confirm. Interceptors missile launch in progress.

300 interceptors airborne.

Flight select switch to all. - Flight switch "all".

PLCA launch options, switch to 99.

PLCA options switched to "99".

All CBF prepare to copy...

Alert 05, launch retaliatory missiles...

all enemy targets.

- Right away. - ...PLCA 229, unknown.

Ready for launch.

- Insert keys. - Inserted.

Rotate on my command.

3,2,1, rotate. 1,2,3, release.

I'm getting launch indications.

I have missile away light on LFC5.

Right, Charlie, ten missiles. Launch in progress.

Confirmed, intercept effective.

Estimate only 40% enemy missiles destroyed.

Missile strikes confirmed.

Boston,

Philadelphia,

Trenton,

Washington, DC

Detroit, Pittsburgh.

Seattle, Portland, Charlotte,

Denver, St. Louis...

Hey Keegan, noticed anything different?

Hey, Tanner, who's that you've got on the back, man?

I found her in Barstow. Talked her into being your next model, buddy.

Hot damn! You want I should come out and give you some cover?

Nah, you just watch my style, son.

Sorry darling, this is where you get off.

You're sick, Tanner, you can't leave her like that.

You son of a...

What are you worried about, Keegan? There's nothing you can do for her.

What in the hell are you talking about man, she was...

Ahhh...

I tell you Keegan, I've finally gone over the edge.

Yeah?

I come back from Barstow with that dummy behind me, talking to her all the way.

I swear I even stopped the bike and kissed her.

That's crazy, ain't it?

I don't know about crazy... but it sure was selfish.

Askins, well you sure took your time.

- Sorry, I had to go see General Lander's. - You owe me twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes?

Jesus.

What's the big deal about 20 minutes?

Never mind what the big deal about 20 minutes is, they're mine and I want them!

OK! OK!

Weirdo.

- How far do you think we'll get? - Depends on the conditions we find.

You know that thing has never been tested.

Tanner says that he has been as far as Phoenix.

- Give me a 3/16th. - Do you believe that?

He might of. He's crazy enough.

Why did he quit the service?

- Tom, why don't you see if that one fits. - Yes, sir.

We get signed authorization from General Landers and we can go.

If you don't mind me saying so, sir.

I don't think the general really knows what's going on.

I mean, he just sits in that control room every day and drinks.

He's our CO. If we start taking off went we feel like it...

this place would collapse within a month.

But you're right Tom, Landers is gone.

Hey!

Ahhhhh!!!!

There's smoke coming from the main building.

- Tanner! - Where is the general?

Too late! Get out! Tanner, get out of here, too late!

Two days and I can still smell the smoke.

- Nobody made it. - I know.

Poor bastards. Maybe they're better off out of it.

I don't know what to believe, John.

Well now, you two gonna continue your life of non-conformity,

or do you want to come along with us?

Just so I don't have to reenlist.

No Tanner, you don't have to reenlist...

as long as it's clear, I'm in charge.

Well, that's a mighty subtle difference.

If you're coming, get your stuff together.

Keegan, you are ride with Perry. Tanner, you go with me.

Eugene still giving orders.

Landmaster 1 to Landmaster 2.

Landmaster 2 to Landmaster 1, over.

Keep visual contact. We will halt at 12:00 hours.

Roger.

Where we headin' for?

- Albany. - Albany?

You got relations there?

It's the only place we ever got a signal from.

You think we can make it there in these things?

We sure can't make it without them.

Albany is the place to aim for.

Sorta the objective of the operation, huh?

You could call it that.

Here. There is a way across.

Well, there's not really a way to cross.

But the screen shows it to be that path of least resistance. Not good. But it's the best we got.

What happens if we make a wrong turn?

There's areas of radiation we couldn't get through.

It's not matter of wrong turns.

Damnation Alley is going to be a hundred miles wide a lot of the way.

- "Damnation Alley," who name it that? - I did.

I believe there is a bit of the swashbuckler in you after all, Major.

Boy, this is a great rig.

There is a hell of a lot of secrecy about these damn things.

- Off limits to unauthorized personnel. - How about letting me take it for awhile now?

It's about time for you start earning your keep. Ready?

You got it.

There's the tachometer.

The rest of it is just like your family car. Except there is a manual override in the transmission.

Go ahead, give it some gas.

- I see it's got some juice in the bottom end. - She will go.

This machine can handle a 60 degree incline.

Can operate in water, cruising speed is 60 miles per hour.

There's three separate drive sources.

Can operate with either the front or rear wheels out of action.

How's it do on gas?

- Why did you two guys quit the Air Force? - What Air Force are you referring to?

Well the Service, then.

Well, after the bombs fell, it didn't seem to make much sense to me

to keep on doing all those duties, fatigue, saluting, and siring...

What do you think would have happened if we all felt like that?

If more people felt like that, there would be a hell of a lot more people thinking and feeling...

and playing baseball, and singing, and making love.

Raising babies.

Hey, why don't you just call me when you want me to drive this mother.

Here. Try not to get lost.

- You think I can follow this thing? - The machine will do it all on it's own.

365-115.10

You just hang on the wheel and make it look good.

Now, head it northeast on that compass.

You get a green light.

If you get off course, you'll get a red light...

Just turn it back until you get a green. Do you think you can handle that?

Sure, who couldn't?

It drives like a trolley.

We should put up a sign that says: "Damnation Alley on the route to Albany."