The Odd Couple

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Who are you?

I'm Felix.

Who are you?

Martha.

Hello, Martha.

What are you doing in this apartment, Martha?

Oh, well, I'm looking for Oscar Madison.

Isn't this is his apartment?

Yes, yes, it is.

Oh. Whew.

How did you get in here?

Well, the super let me in.

I didn't have a key or anything,

so he said it was all right if I waited inside.

He's a super super.

Is Mr. Madison expecting you?

No.

It's a surprise!

On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself

from his place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right,

but he also knew that someday he would return to her.

With nowhere else to go,

he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier,

Madison's wife had thrown him out,

requesting that he never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment

without driving each other crazy?

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

Hi, Felix.

Oscar, how could you?

What did I do wrong?

What, am I dripping on the floor?

I'm sorry, Felix.

Oh, don't do that.

Give me this. Felix, I've had a rough weekend in Cleveland.

The Jets quarterback threw 14 bad passes in a row.

The vendor threw my hot dog straight.

My ears are plugged up...

Tsk, tsk, tsk. What's "tsk, tsk, tsk"?

You're going to wear the roof of your mouth out.

Does Springfield, Iowa ring a bell with you?

Springfield, Iowa rings a bell.

Where were you eight and a half months ago?

I was probably standing right here arguing with you

about dripping on the floor.

What'd I get, a parking ticket in Iowa?

Don't you wish.

You could fix that.

Does the name Martha ring a bell with you?

Again with the ringing of bells.

What are you talking about, Felix.

Uncle Oscar!

Oh.

Who is she? Who is she?

Oh, is it good to see you.

I'm sorry. Wait, uh...

Do I know you?

It's me... Martha Sloan, from Springfield, Iowa.

Aunt Blanche's niece.

Your ex-wife.

The kid with the freckles with the boomerang!

No, that was my little brother, Timmy.

Oh, Oscar, from my heart,

I'm so. Do the words

"you ought to be ashamed of yourself" ring a bell?

Oscar, I'm so sorry.

I apologize.

God, I... Hey, that was a long time ago.

Ten years.

What are you laughing about? What's so funny?

You were wearing the same shirt.

We used to call him Uncle Sloppy.

Well, I can't get over it.

This is Sid and Molly's Martha.

Boy, have you grown!

Boy, have you grown... sit down.

You're so beautiful.

And you're pregnant, and you're in New York.

It's all so marvelous! You got a husband?

Yes, he was supposed to be here today.

Uncle Sloppy is such a diplomat.

I'll bet you're hungry, aren't you?

You look knocked out.

I'll get you something to eat.

Well, where is your husband?

Germany.

Germany with the Rhine and the water and the beer

and the lovely... we'll go there.

We'll get him. We'll drag him back here.

He's coming back, Uncle Oscar.

He was supposed to be here today,

but the Army changed his orders.

Oh.

And you're the only person

that I know in New York, so...

Say something, Uncle Oscar.

Felix!

I'm here, I heard,

and Martha as far as I'm concerned,

my half of the house is yours.

Yeah, my half of the house is yours...

You can sleep in my bedroom.

Great. Yeah. No, no.

Not great. Don't even look in his room.

It could affect your child.

Sleep in my room; it's hospital clean.

Yeah, hey, listen,

I'll take care of all the medical stuff.

I've got a girlfriend that's a doctor, see.

I'll get you the best hospital, the best obstetrician. Oh, no.

Uncle Oscar, I don't want to go to a hospital.

What are you talking about? You're going to have a baby.

You've got to go to the hospital.

No, but I'm going to have my baby by natural childbirth.

Natural childbirth! Bravo!

What's that natural?

Is that without doctors?

No, no, it's without an anesthetic.

You're awake and alive and feeling every moment.

Oh, Oscar, it's the most fulfilling experience

a woman can have.

How do you know?

I'm a father, I know.

It's really beautiful, Uncle Oscar.

Yeah, but they have natural childbirth

in hospitals, too, don't they?

You know, with doctors.

Yeah, but it's not the same.

Hospitals are so antiseptic.

Phil and I want it to be beautiful.

I want to be fully conscious in a setting that's simple.

Central Park?

You won't remain fully conscious there for long.

No.

We want to have our baby in the Bronx.

The Bronx is a simple setting?

That's where we spent our honeymoon.

We rented the same motel room,

and when Phil arrives,

we'll drive over and have the baby.

Hmm.

Come, we'll eat, we'll talk.

Does your family know?

Sure.

That's why I ran away from home.

You ran away?

Why?

They wanted me to have my baby in a hospital.

Well, it's not a crime, honey.

You know, they been having

pretty good babies that way for a long time.

Yeah, well, it's fine for people who want it that way,

but we don't... not me, not Phil and not Eddie!

Who's Eddie?

Oh.

Look, you eat, honey.

Everything's going to be fine.

Just eat, okay?

You won't call my parents?

No, no, no, I'm just going to get a glass of milk, honey.

Eat.

You're in good hands.

Uncle Oscar is a little bit... excitable,

but he's very reliable.

Here we are.

For Ed.

Eat.

: What are you...

Who are you calling?

Calling her parents. Oh.

Cut it out, Felix.

I have to do it.

Do you think I want to talk to Blanche's brother

and sister-in-law who testified against me

during the divorce,

who I swore I would never speak to again

as long as I live?

Hello, Molly, how are you?

Who?

Timmy?

Oh, listen, let me talk to your mommy or daddy.

Where are they?

In Germany? What are they doing in...

They're looking for Martha.

Timmy, your sister's not in Germany.

No, this is your Uncle Oscar Madison from New York.

Uncle Sloppy, yeah.

Listen, do you know where they are in Ger...

Do you know where they are in Germany?

First, first... Who's minding you?

Okay, let me talk to the maid.

What are you looking at?

What are you staring at?

Hello?