Please Like Me

- (ALAN) Hello. - (WOMAN) Hello.

- Josh. - Oh. Hey, Dad.

Here he is. Big man.

Everybody's very dressed up.

Yep. Yeah, it's a pleasure to see you too.

Oh, my God, yeah, I have been doing squats, Dad. Thank you for noticing.

How expensive is this place?

Yeah, okay, I'm buying you and Mum a nice dinner, okay?

You were worried about Mum, I was worried about Mum,

and I just I thought it'd be nice if I bought you guys dinner. Mm-hm?

Well, you could've told me to wear a nice shirt.

Oh, don't be modest. That's... that is a beautiful shirt.

- Really? - Mmm.

- I'm not sure about it. - Mm-hm.

Lock up your daughters, everyone, 'cause Alan's here.

Alan is here to do things with your daughters.

- Thank you. - Sex things.

- Hey, Ma. Hi. - Hello!

- Ohh. (CHUCKLES) - Uh?

- How are you, Rose? - Oh, yes, good. (CHUCKLES)

- Can I take your coat? - (ROSE) Oh! Yes.

- I'm Josh's mum. - Perfect.

- Look at this gorgeous plating! - There is literally 15 dishes coming.

- He didn't ask what we wanted. - It's a set menu.

Oh, Josh, I've always wanted to eat

- 15 tiny little meals for dinner. - Mm-hm.

- Thank you! - Josh, I'm on a diet.

No. You're not on a diet.

Y...

- (WOMAN) Our puffed pig's ear. - (ALAN) Ohh.

Dad, you made me drink fruit juice every morning of my entire childhood, okay?

You don't get to diet this evening.

It's too much, Josh. It's too much.

Oh, bugger me, that's good!

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Ah, my name's Dan. I'll be taking care of the pairings this evening.

Ah, to begin, we're off to South Gippsland.

- A little blend of Riesling... - Thanks, Dan.

and a touch of skin-contact Semillon.

- Cheers. Here we go. - Cheers.

- Eye contact. Eye contact! - Okay. (CHUCKLES)

This is gonna cost about 200 bucks a head.

Costs the same whether you complain about it or not, okay?

So let's just stop.

Sorry, I'm just tired.

Why, what's going on in your little head, little matey?

All I said

was that Grace has been watching the iPad a lot lately

and somehow Mae's twisted that to mean

I think she's a bad mother.

Well, Grace has been watching the iPad a lot.

And then she said I had no idea,

and I said something stupid and stormed out.

Well, what did you say? You have to...

Don't skip that bit now.

I said, "Grace probably thinks Peppa Pig is her mum."

- (ROSE AND JOSH LAUGH) - It wasn't funny.

I disagree. I think it's a little funny.

And now she's texting me.

Mmm! My compliments to the chef.

I'll certainly pass those on.

Just text her and tell her you're sorry, okay?

- And let's move on. - All right.

Good. Feels better. Mmm.

These nests are your golden eggs.

May be eaten shell and all.

Beautiful cured goose ham

with gorgeous flavours of lavender and cherry blossom.

- Thanks, Dan. - Thank you.

- Josh, are you meeting any new men? - Oh, you'll like this.

- I met a podiatrist. - Mmm! There you go.

- But then he smoked meth. - Oh, that's not good, Josh.

- (LAUGHS) It's not. - That is bloody serious, Josh.

- It's not funny. - (LAUGHS) Yeah.

You must be clever, don't you think?

To be that successful and have a meth addiction. Impressive.

Please tell me you didn't do it.

- (LAUGHS) - Is this an intervention?

I didn't organise my own intervention.

It's destroying rural communities.

- Did you or not? - No. Of course I didn't!

Josh! Could everyone just behave, please?

- (LAUGHS) - I just had to make sure.

- Sorry. - Tasty.

It's delicious.

I don't like you on these apps.

Why? You used to internet date. What's the difference?

- Mmm! Aged beef is good. - Oh, that's not the same thing.

Don't think I don't know it's not the same thing, Josh.

Well, it depends on the app.

You know, on Tinder, you get a selection of people's photos.

And if you swipe right, it means that you like them

and if they also swipe right, Tinder introduces you.

Yes! Correct.

- Oh, it does sound convenient. - (ALAN) Yeah.

Then you run the risk of having to bed this bozo. (CHUCKLES)

It must be very vulnerable

putting yourself out there like that, though.

What choice do I have?

Where am I meeting people? There's no people.

Do you get rejected a lot?

You learn to focus on the people that like you,

instead of the people that don't like you, it's fine.

I don't like you walking around with all that rejection.

It's really not like that.

I bet the first thing you do every day when you wake up

is check your phone to see the time

and then you get curious about those apps

and bam! Before you know it you've been rejected

before you even get out of bed.

Sometimes I get accepted.

And everyone making snap judgements based on your photo.

- Mmm. - Like, you're a sweet guy, Josh.

You know, how do you put that across in a photo?

Right, because I'd say the most alluring thing

about you is your sense of humour.

Thanks, Dad.

I don't want to encourage you,

but I have a really lovely photo of you.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah! No, that is nice.

- It's good. Mmm. - (ROSE) Yeah. Yeah?

- I'll send a picture message. - Oh, thanks, Mum.

- What are these? - (JOSH) It's fish eggs.

Do you miss Arnold?

Um, sometimes I think I miss him but then I think

maybe I just miss having someone around

to fill the space and make noise.

- Oh, like a wind chime? - Yeah.

- (SNIGGERS) - (ALAN) And this?

- (BOTH) It's honeydew. - (SCOFFS)

So, do you still talk to each other?

Sometimes he messages me that he misses John.

It's probably code for you.

Porridge of sunflower seeds and winter walnuts

enriched with lamb's udder

that's been ageing for 13 months.

And just a touch of mackerel essence.

- Oh, yeah. - (ALAN) Thank you.

Alan, how's work?

Oh, it's busy, yeah.

No more bullshit involved lately.

Good.

Dad, I think I have a confession to make.

Yeah?

I don't think I know what you do.

Very funny. (CRUNCHES)

What do you actually do?

How do my son and my ex-wife not know what my job is?

Maybe you told me when I was 13

and I didn't really understand it,

and as I got older, it got too embarrassing,

slash, you know, scary to ask you again.

I'm a managerial consultant, Josh.

- Nuh. - Yeah, goes right over my head.

I was so sure it had something to do with real estate.

Well, I invest in real estate, but it isn't my job.

Funny hobby.

Next, we have a little Syrah from McLaren Vale.

Some beautiful black fruits

mixed with black pepper and some baking spices.

Absolutely stunning with the very happy duck coming next.

- (ROSE) Thank you, Dan. - Thanks, Dan.

What are black fruits?

Black fruits are like, you know, blackberries

or blackcurrants, just dark berries.

And how do they get them into the wine?

No, they don't...

They don't put fruit into the wine.

They don't put the berries in the wine, Rose.

Have you been thinking all night

that they've been putting tropical fruit in the wine?

No, okay, so what it is, right,

there just shouldn't be much else in wine

other than grapes, okay?

The reason why it's interesting

is because, like, the same variety of grape

grown in different soil or different weather

would always taste different, right?

They're just words they use to try and describe

this particular flavour profile.

It's sort of why wine is so, like, romanticised,

why it can be so expensive, 'cause you can never replicate

what's happening in that bottle.

That's a once off, just that one year.

That make sense?

- Oh, I can smell the berries! - (JOSH) Yeah?

- Yeah, I can. - Mmm.

And spices and pepper.

You should be able to smell oak in there too.

They put the oak in. That's interesting, isn't it?

- No, I don't smell any oak. - There's no oak.

There's definitely... there's just definitely oak.

- Dan? - Oh, God.

Um, is there oak in this?

No, this one's made entirely in steel,

but it does get a really nice sense of structure

from the terroir of McLaren Vale.

- Is that a no? - Abso... No. No oak in this one.

- Thank you, Dan. - Zero oak.