Mickey Blue Eyes

$2000, gentleman in the striped tie there.

$3000, Yvonne on the telephone. $4000. $5000.

$6000. $7000. $8000.

Against the telephone at $8000.

Against the room at $8000. Anyone can join in.

Thank you. $9000. $10,000.

$11,000. $12,000. Any more?

She's still talking, but now she's got her mum on the line.

So sold to you, sir, for $12,000.

You are bidder number 909.

Moving on. Lot number 84.

Oil on canvas, dated 1870.

La femme chez Aube, which translates as:

''Woman with massive bottom.''

This one is signed by Rudolf Waldemar...

...authenticated by no less than Dr. Briskind...

...and bidding up here at $14,000.

Fifteen at the back. Sixteen, lady left of the center aisle.

Seventeen. Eighteen.

Nineteen. Twenty.

Twenty-one. Twenty-two.

Twenty-three.

No more?

All through.

All done. And-- Yes! Thank you, sir.

New bidder. Gentleman on the left of the aisle, $24,000.

Not really. lt's a cruel joke.

Sold to you, sir, for $23,000...

...or $11,500 per buttock.

Lot number 85.

German school. Od und Kleer das Meer.

Right.

This is very embarrassing.

lt now turns out that lots 85 through to the end of your catalog...

...are, in fact, not actually here. Delivery problem.

lf it's any consolation, we feel as stupid as l'm sure we look.

Thank you very much.

This is pathetic!

lt's a nightmare. We're a laughingstock.

-They just showed up. -The trucks?

Just in time for the end of the auction. Remind me to thank them.

Helen, everything's fixed for tonight?

Great. The reservation, flowers, all that stuff?

All taken care of.

Brilliant. Thank you so much. Thanks.

Listen, you don't think three months is too soon, do you?

l haven't even met her family yet. What do you think, as a woman?

As a woman? Very risky.

Right. Well, thanks. That's made me feel a lot better.

You've brought me just under half the paintings just over...

...two weeks late for the fifth time this year.

You gonna sign or do l take it all back?

That's it, is it? That's your response to this?

All right, guys, load it up.

l'll sign. Lovely.

Thank you so much. You've been a huge help.

Other note: Seek lost testicles.

Michael? Need a lift?

That's nice of you. l'm actually picking up Gina from school.

That's fine. We're going that way. Hop in.

Do you know Mr. Morganson? Michael Felgate.

Very nice to meet you. We're very excited...

...that you might be thinking of us for your father's collection.

Mr. Morganson was at today's sale.

Well, not typical, if l may say so.

l think every auction house in New York has these delivery hiccups.

Sotheby's doesn't seem to.

Right.

l heard about tonight. Best of luck.

Thanks.

Go, girl!

So? Where are we going?

l am unable to tell you, but it's somewhere very special.

Goodbye!

Bye, Miss Vitale!

And we're late. Run!

Please don't!

What? Don't what?

Just stop.

Just stop. Otherwise, l can't go on. Just run normally.

l am running normally.

Right, l'm sorry. l thought, you know....

l haven't seen you run before, and l thought you were doing a funny run.

A funny run? That's my run.

What time is it?

We're now 25 minutes late.

We've lost our reservation. What do you think?

l can't think. l'm much too hurt about my run.

We'll go somewhere else. And let's walk.

Thanks.

Are you okay?

-You look a little fishy. -No, l'm fine.

How was last night?

Fine. The usual.

Your dad okay?

He's great.

l'm sorry. l want you to meet him and Ritchie. lt's just--

You're ashamed of me. l talk funny. My hair's unusually fluffy.

Just give me time.

Tell me what his restaurant's called so l can sneak in in a beard.

lt's called The La Trattoria.

You mean La Trattoria.

The La Trattoria means ''The The Trattoria.''

l know.

lnteresting.

Look, l've gotta go to the la bathroom and l'll be back in a sec.

l was wondering if you could help me out with a special arrangement.

l've got this fortune, and l wondered if you could stick it in a fortune cookie.

Thank you.

Welcome!

Thanks.

-Thank you. -Welcome!

She wants you to pay now.

No! You eat cookie.

Looks like we better eat our cookies.

''You like Chinese food.''

That's spooky.

You gonna check yours?

No, l'm gonna save it for later.

Eat cookie.

-She will when she's ready. -No, you have it.

No, you eat cookie.

l don't want to.

-Eat cookie. -l'm not hungry!

The best thing is to play along.

l won't take orders from a waitress.

Not waitress! Owner! Eat fucking cookie!

This woman is insane.

Gina, do you love me?

Do you trust me?

Then eat the cookie.

''Good fences make good neighbors.''

Oh, my God! Jeffrey!

The answer is yes! Oh, my God!

Honey, l can't--

-Excuse me. -What are you talking about?

l am so sorry. There's been a mistake. That's your one.

lt's quite true too.

This is what you're meant to have.

And...

...this.

Oh, my God....

Two karat.

How much money? What you pay?

We could really use some privacy here. Thanks.

Just give us a moment.

l'm not waitress. Owner. My restaurant!

Go away!

Michael! My God!

l don't know what to say.

l thought what she said was pretty good.

Obviously, you could leave out the Jeffrey bit.

l can't. l'm sorry.

l'm so sorry.

lt was just....

Hi, Jimmy. Listen, did Gina just come back?

She came back, all right, crying her eyes out.

She packed a bag, ran back out again. What the hell you been doing to her?

l asked her to marry me.

Are you kidding me?

Come here, you. This is great!

She didn't, by any chance, say where she was going?

She went to her dad's house.

You don't have that address by any chance?

No, l don't. But you could ask him.

He's got a restaurant right around the block.

Right, The La Trattoria.

That's the one.

You dog, you.

l am a bit of a dog. Thanks so much, Jimmy.

Hey, all the best!

Hi, it's Jimmy. ls Mr. Vitale in?

-You want Frank? -l got some great news for him.

Excuse me. l was hoping you might be able to tell me--

You're Michael.

l'm Ritchie.

Right!

Great to meet you.

You look a lot like Gina.

You don't look like her at all.

l'll go get my dad.

No, that's okay.

l just needed his home address.

You're Gina's guy.

Right.

You own that auction house.

No, l just run it for the owner.

lnteresting line of business.

What's the deal with that? You get to pick the paintings?

l used to. Now l just pick fights with truck drivers.

-Delivery problems? -Right, yeah.

You know, l love art.

What's that supposed to mean?

Johnny, it don't mean nothing.

-Vinnie. -What'd l say?

You know what you said. You like the guy? You find him attractive?

Chrissakes, Johnny!

-Something's going on here! -Nothing's going on!

l apologize. My son is very emotional.

Artistic.