Slanted

I'm telling you, my homemade beef jerky,

the ultimate Super Bowl snack. It's protein rich.

Nah, dude, you're screwing with me.

No, no, no, no, if there's one snack

for Super Bowl, dude, nachos.

Nachos? Really?

Oh, my God. It's too many carbs. Where's the protein?

Why are you worried about carbs?

Dude, there's-there's protein in the cheese, dude.

Put some chicken on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, so the first time she has it, right?

I serve up some-some-some elk meat, and it's working.

- Everything's going great. - You catch that.

- You get that yourself, right? - Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Of course I do. All the time. I bone it. It's boned.

- You do boned? - Yeah.

Oh, man. All right, check it out. Check it out.

Soon as she has it, she gets violently ill,

pukes all over us, pukes all over the kid's car seat.

We can't go anywhere for a week!

Oh, that's sick, dude.

Oh, no, that's too bad. That's too bad.

Anyway...

This is Joan Huang.

She came all the way from China.

Uh, take a seat right there next to Jeremy.

Everyone, let's rise.

Joan, you can just listen for now.

I pledge allegiance

to the flag of the United States of America

and to the republic for which it stands,

one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty

and justice for all.

Hello.

My name is Joan.

Ew! What is that?

Let's go.

Baba!

Roger, I'm sorry, but you have already agreed to work late.

- Do I just swallow? - Yeah, yeah.

I actually made it.

Prom King and Queen

is more than just a popularity contest.

Here at Clarksville High, the Prom Queen and King

represent American values

and who we all strive to be.

So without any further ado, this year's prom queen

is... Hannah Summers.

Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!

Hannah! Hannah!

...definition, and I zoomed you in here,

but I like how I can kind of have

a little bit of room to play.

So I'm taking that angled brush,

and I'm flicking it outward, and as you can see,

I already have my mascara on.

I like having my mascara done first so I really know...

Hi, my loves!

I have some exciting news to announce.

I just booked the lead role in a new TV show!

Ah! I can hardly believe it.

I'm still pinching myself.

I do have some sad news, though.

I'm not gonna be able to run for prom queen

'cause I'll be on set, making magic.

Oh.

Hey, it's Brindha.

At the beep, hang up and text me, you weirdo.

Coming!

-Hey, mom. -Hey.

Speak English, mom.

The chorus sounds good.

Mmm. Oh.

Bye, dad.

-Mm. -Ah!

Pork floss, my favorite!

-My bad. -It's chill.

When are you gonna talk to him?

He doesn't like me like that.

How do you know if you never try to kiss him?

Okay, one, I would never just kiss him.

That's literally sexual harassment.

And two, I'm perfectly happy just fantasizing

about his hairless penis.

Ew. Why hairless?

Stop trying to distract me.

Did you watch it?

Watch what?

Bro, the video.

Yes, I did. Chill. I'm just kidding.

You know what this means?

I could actually win.

Okay, I sound like a broken record at this point,

but you don't need it.

You just don't think I can win.

No, I just think it's a waste of time.

Prom queen is worth my time.

When I get back, you better change your mind.

Hmm.

Hi, my loves.

This is Ms. Valentine.

She's my science teacher

and a fierce advocate for climate change.

She's actually the president of the Evergreen Committee,

a nonprofit dedicated to fighting global warming.

Can you say hi to my followers?

Okay, so as you all know,

I started the Feel the Burn Challenge three weeks ago

to raise awareness for climate change,

but really to show how quickly our skin burns

under the sun now compared to 30 years ago.

Since then, I've managed to raise

$1,000 to fight climate change.

Surprise!

How very thoughtful, Olivia.

Okay, I'm gonna need more out of you.

I'm gonna need more excitement. Can you scream?

Maybe shed a tear, talk about how this money

is gonna change your life?

Beautiful. Okay, phone.

Three, two, one.

We love you, Ms. Valentine!

Gag! Ugh.

I think what Olivia is doing is altruistic.

Feel the Burn?

You think it's altruistic?

It's fucking stupid. That's what it is. It's all for show.

Plus, it's fucking racist, too.

You think this brown skin's gonna burn like that white girl?

All she cares about is her followers.

So you think Olivia's racist and stupid?

And cringe. Very, very cringe.

So help me beat her friends for prom queen.

You are so fucking stubborn. You know that?

I have a whole plan.

Is Nasher Brian a part of that plan?

Oh, he's so fucking hot.

Hmm, okay, Joan, let's get it! Mm, yeah!

-I'd bang, bang his ass any day! -Mmm, mmm.

-Mmm, mmm. -Um...

Where are we?

- You must be Joan. - Hi, Mrs. Adams.

You are so pretty.

Do you know that?

Come on in.

Your dad is almost done.

If you wait here, I made you some tea.

We were just in Fujian.

It's where you're from, right?

Oh!

-Roger, what was that? -Dad?

Oh, my god.

-Oh, my god. -I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Accident. A-accident.

-What did he say? -He is very sorry.

He said it won't happen again.

Oh, God.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

Okay. I never liked that print anyway.

But if it happens again, he will not be able to work here

or for any of my friends ever again.

Hmm?

So, uh, it should close away...

Uh...

Okay, okay, okay.

And now, this year's Stanwood Park prom queen

is Joan Huang!

Oh, my god!

Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,

Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,

Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan!

Coming.

I made cookies.

-Yo, yo. -Yo.

Sorry about your dad.

Hey, you still have time to campaign?

I feel horrible for saying this, but Americans don't clean.

-Hmm? -Immigrants clean.

I don't wanna be a stereotype.

- Aw. - What?

You look like a virgin.

-I am a virgin. -You are.

But people don't need to know that.

Thankfully, your bestie is a graphic design genius.

Dude!

Hmm?

Boop!

My lady!

Skadoosh!

Oh, it's super sick.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-Nice -Hi.

Um, vote for me, Joan Hua...

Okay.

Hi. Vote for me, Joan Huang.

Hey, vote for me, please?

Ow! Oh, my gosh.

Happy Lunar New Year.

Oh, wow.