Kill Buljo 2

Aren't you glad we came up here, Jompa?

Not really.

I only came because you promised me a blow job.

True. But first we have to get across this gorge.

-I hope you tied a good knot. -It was by the book.

Jompa!

Goddamn woman!

This calls for at least two blow jobs.

Hurry!

Jompa!

No, no, no...

Jompa!

That was close.

Don't let go, Jompa. Please!

Jompaaaa...!

Oh, shit!

Unni was gone.

The love of my life.

Or at least one of my favorite fucks.

I was devastated.

But on the bright side...

I could start drinking again.

I had nothing left to live for.

Unni was the only girl I could trust.

Who understood me and my feelings.

Probably should have tied that around my waist.

There was no recovering from this.

I couldn't pick the pieces back up. Couldn't get on with my life.

Unni, -

here I come.

Ecstasy?

I decided to return to my roots.

In the mountains. Here I could gather my thoughts.

Here I could heal my wounds.

And find myself again.

Find my inner peace.

Here, with my reindeer, I could again become -

Jompa.

Anne Berit?

Goddamn eagle!

The government will pay for this!

Shit... Rain Man!

Rudolph!

Vidkun!

Gørild!

My reindeer had been killed. A massive abuse.

Fortunately I knew someone who was an expert on abuse.

Excuse me! Out of the way!

Father Shockfat!

-Calm down. -My herd has been murdered!

Let me finish here first.

As God says: He who rushes to his flock -

will not find a single sheep.

Jeezus! This is important!

How dare you take God's name in vain?

-Are you of the devil? -No.

You're of the devil.

You're of the devil!

You're of the devil.

-You are! -You are.

-You are! -No, you are!

You are!

You're of the devil! You are!

You're of the devil!

You're of the devil! You're of the devil!

-Say "huh" if you're of the devil. -Huh?

You're of the devil.

-You son of Satan! -Damn, you're an evil parson!

Lena Horn?

We can't exchange this ticket. It's impossible.

-Can't I change it at all? -Nope.

Has anyone checked in a bunch of antlers?

Didn't you see the line?

Tell me what I want to know, or I'll put a curse on you -

- that will give you balls the size of melons -

- and make you produce horse semen for years.

The thing is...

I helped three -

hot chicks.

They had pouty lips.

And breasts that only God...

I helped them load 80 kilos of antlers onto a private jet.

Where were they headed?

To Thailand.

Thailand?

Thailand.

Roger, what the fuck?

Wouldn't you know it? The damn sound system has jammed again!

They didn't go somewhere closer?

To Thailand.

Excuse me...

Coffee, tea?

Cough...

Tea?

Coffee, tea?

Kofi Annan?

Tea, nine, eight...

Was that Jompa?

No way. They don't allow Samis on planes.

So, Cato... Thailand. A veritable geography stew.

And I'm taking a big helping.

I have the Samis to thank for this trip.

And their damn grazing rights.

As head of the Reindeer Administration -

- I revolutionized the system by GPS- tagging every reindeer in No¤ay.

So I was invited to this conference in Thailand -

to speak about all that.

And fortunately for you, I got two tickets.

Or you'd be stuck in your cage all summer.

We are in the iron crow's butthole!

Whatever...

First class.

-Excuse me, miss? -Yes?

After I've downed this so-called food...

Would you care to join me in the bathroom for dessert?

Pig!

No, I think it's a turkey dog.

And that is why you will die alone.

And when you die it will be pitch dark.

There is no God, no heaven.

So be true to yourself.

Don't sell your soul for money.

But dare to take chances. Nothing ventured, nothing won.

The odds are harsh in life and love.

For better odds, try EuroSlots!

You web-gaming portal.

EuroSlots!

EuroSlots, for a little excitement in life!

What are you talking about, woman? Have you no integrity?

Care to show me your "cock fit"?

In Thailand only one rule applies.

If you see me talking to a woman -

just stay the hell away, OK?

But Cato...

Pay attention. Maybe you'll learn something. And if we're real lucky, -

- your milk cock could be replaced by a wisdom cock.

I want to swim in the ocean.

No way. The sharks in the ocean eat idiots like you!

It doesn't fit. It's too big!

Shut up. I'll get it in.

Get your mind out of the gutter!

Sid, I want more candy.

This is Captain Olsen. We can expect some turbulence.

Keep your seat belts fastened and everything will be fine.

I have to pee.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have to pee.

And that, kids, is how turbulence is made.

What are you doing in Thailand?

I'm seeking revenge.

You said you loved me.

Yeah, I did say I loved you.

But that was before we fucked. Now I don't even like you.

Get your piss-fingers off of me! So long, baby.

What the fuck?

What happened? Why are you so sweaty?

Calm down. It's just turbulence.

Thailand, Cato. Thailand.

The only place in the world with more chlamydia than Finnmark.

Come on, Cato!

Fly straight home now, and no nonsense!

Look, Cato! Not bad.

Not bad at all. We can relax here.

Let's see...

Time to unpack.

There's only one bed, so you take the tub.

Just add cold water if it gets hard.

-I like hot showers in the morning. -That's kind of you.

I know.

Let's see...

Wash my underwear. I get sweaty when it's over 10 degrees out.

Relax. It's probably the front desk with some welcome pussy for me.

-Cato, have you ordered anything? -No.

Look, Cato! Smell this.

Know what this is? Smell.

Cheap pussy, Cato. Cheap pussy.

It's an invitation for one to a discotheque.

You'll have to stay here.

I told you to always use your toothbrush on my underwear!

You have to use your toothbrush.

See? Then it all comes out. Even the corn.

Thailand.

A land full of Chinese.

No matter where I turned, I was met by slanted eyes.

Where should I start? I was alone in a foreign land.

I hadn't been this far from home since I fell asleep in a cab in '87.

I needed a good lead. Something that...

Damned immigrants! Hang on.

No, thank you!

Where were we? Right!

I needed something to send me in the right direction.

Reindeer antlers? In Thailand?

A turning point!

Maybe he knew something?

Time for some polite dialogue.

Where - did - you - get - that - powder?

If - you - don't - mind -

my asking?

-Aunt Hashish. -Aunt Ass-shit?

-Aunt Hash. -Aunt Hash?