Warehouse 13: Of Monsters and Men - First Season

You sure they're the right size? Gold, silver and bronze?

I‘m sure. I'm surer than sure. I‘m the queen of Sureapolis.

Don't get snippy. I am the king of "you could be doing inventory."

Come on. Let's go.

This is not a time for lying down and sunbathing.

Ten hours rooting around...

...some creepy 40-year-old Virgin's musty basement, Artie.

-I needs me some fresh air, stat. -What are you doing inside the car?

Because it brings the power of the outside inside.

-English. I don't speak Claudia. -Solar-powered ventilation system.

It's actually pretty cutting-edge.

The roof absorbs the sun's energy, which then activates the vents…

...to suck in all that fresh O2 goodness from outside…

-…which then circulates in-- -Just show me already.

Behold.

-Mother Nature. -Come on.

Fine. Then don't complain when I start wilting.

That will be the highlight of my day.

Now, that's what I call junk in the trunk.

Warehouse-big back there. It just goes on and on.

Fine. If you've finished fawning,..

-…help me get this stuff out of here. -Simply admiring.

The El Camino is back in the shop and on its last leg.

Know what'd be a fashionable and eco-friendly replacement?

-Little Prius here, it would. -I'll take it under advisement.

Would you help me get this thing out of here?

For someone who thought comics were the work of the devil…

…Wertham had quite a collection.

Yeah, Fredric Wertham, he was a product of McCarthy-era myopia.

In his 1954 book Seduction of the Innocent…

...he decried the corruptive influence of comics on children.

These comics are the ones…

...that particularly inspired his push for censorship.

And now what, they literally rot your brain?

-Worse. Much, much worse. -Ominous.

Oh, perfect. Pete!

Pete can help you bring all this because I'm gonna be-- See you later.

Good luck.

Hey.

Comics. Nice.

Leena.

Claudia told me that she was gonna make me a--

One reinforced cardboard longbox…

…and 193 Golden Age-sized Neutraliser-grade…

…polyethylene static bags…

...all made to your excruciatingly exacting specs.

I only need 192.

This one's for my sandwich.

City of Ghouls? That's your idea of entertainment?

Judge not a book by its cover, lest ye be judged.

That one has scales for teeth.

What? Why so squeamy?

You're not afraid of monsters, are you?

OMFG, you are. Dude.

I'm not afraid.

More like wary.

Leary. Inherently suspicious.

You know there's no such thing as monsters?

I also knew there‘s no such thing as Viking spoons...

...that make people combust until I started working here.

What is taking you guys so long? What are you doing? Look out!

Artie, do you want me to bag these comics yet or...?

Will someone please tell the drumline in my head to take five?

-Oh, boy. -Holy four colours, Batman.

We're in print. This is....

Awesome!

Quick. What am I thinking?

Well? Anything?

Nope. No thought bubbles.

If we‘re in a comic book, there should be thought bubbles.

Forget about the thought bubbles. We've got bigger problems.

Is this why old Doc Wertham was all, "Comics bad"?

Kids were literally being sucked into them?

Don't be absurd. It was his hatred that turned an innocent spinner rack...

…into a dangerous artifact.

And now, because Pete couldn‘t keep his hands to himself...

…we’re trapped in Fredric Wertham's nightmare.

Okay, A, I am a naturally tactile person.

And, B, if there's a way in, there's gotta be a way out, right?

Where--? Where are you going?

For pizza. What's it look like? There's someone in that car.

Pete, wait! We have protocols.

Protocols for dealing with denizens of pocket dimensions.

What, like a Warehouse version of the Prime Directive? Fascinating.

All right. All right, hang in there, pal.

-There‘s gotta be a doctor. -No, this man doesn't need a doctor.

He‘s a character in a story. His fate has been written.

If this is all on rails, how can--?

Don’t. Your head will explode.

Let‘s just focus on editing ourselves out of this story.

Hey, we can't just leave him here, Artie.

Who are you?

Where'd you come from? You don‘t look like you're from around here.

Nope, I'm from the land of Cleve...

...in the kingdom of Ohio. Suburb, actually.

You have to go, quickly.

Save yourselves while you still can.

Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going?

-Save ourselves? -From what?

I'm guessing…

...that.

Holy Famous Monsters of Filmland.

-Pete? -Yeah, Claud?

What was that comic you were reading before we got sucked in here?

City of Ghouls.

Kind of was hoping I was wrong about that.

Don't worry, Claud. I won‘t let the big, bad monster hurt you.

Enough excitement for one day. Can we go home now, please?

Farnsworth, Farnsworth!

You sure our service plan covers this kind of roaming?

The Farnsworth works anywhere on Earth.

-Even inside a comic book? -Our bodies have been transported...

...to a two-dimensional space, but we‘re still on Earth.

I just have to find the right signal.

Something tells me he's not looking for a friendly game of…

Heads!

Claudia!

Hands off, Uggo.

Put her down!

Claudia!

Claudia? -Are you there?

Claudia, can you hear us?

Claudia!

Artie, if tall, dark and slimy gets away with her--

Go. I'll try to scare up a signal. As soon as you've got her--

Meet you back at the drugstore. Hang on, Claud.

Terra squirma.

Very Sherlock Holmes-y.

Okay.

Eenie, meenie, minie...

...mo.

Well, this takes me back.

Most people think you gotta dislocate a shoulder...

...to get out of one of these, but that's just a myth…

…popularized by one Mr. Erik Weisz.

Thanks for nothing, Houdini.

Okay. I was happier when I couldn't see this place.

Hello?

Hey, hepatitis, hello?

Wait, come back! Don't just leave me here alone in the…

...dark.

So much for my Spidey sense.

Holy crap, I'm in the Poltergeist swimming pool.

This place is like a slaughterhouse.

I'd hate to run into whoever did this.

Or whatever.

Ride the lightning, butt-face.

Or don't.

Sir, apologies. I meant "Mr. Butt-face.“

You wanna go, creepshow?

The Iron Shadow makes it look so easy.

Up here! Hurry!

Eat boot, LL Ghoul J!

Hey, hey, car accident guy.

Take shelter. You don't wanna be on the streets at night.

-What happens at night? -That‘s when they hunt.

I'm Frank, by the way. Mercer.

Pete Lattimer. Thanks for saving my bacon back there.

Call it even Stephen.

What were you doing down in those sewers anyway?

Looking for my friend. One of those ghouls, it grabbed her.

I've gotta find her.

We're more three-dimensional than we look, but I--

Hate to say it, pal, but if those things took your friend…

…you might never find her.

Up.

You can talk?

On your feet.

Step off, Shrek. Just because you've got me straitjacketed…

…doesn‘t make you the boss of me.

Okay, you are the boss of me. You're the big, scary boss.

-Can I go back to my cell now? -The elders wish to speak with you.

By "elders," you mean sweet, way friendlier versions of you…

…like Gandalf and Dumbledore?

Okay, no. Just more of same.

Come on, come on, Farnsworth, don’t let me down.

There you are.

Leena! Oh, thank God.

Ar-- Artie? Artie, you're a cartoon.

Two-dimensional representation would be a more accurate assessment…

…but, yes.

Pete, Claudia and I, we got zapped into one of Dr. Wertham‘s comics.

And that explains the random spinner rack outside the warehouse.

Which comic?

City of Ghouls.

You are in there.

Wow, how meta.