We're the Millers

Oh, my God...

... it's full-on double rainbow all the way across the sky!

Whoa!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Whoo!

What does this mean?

It's so bright.

Oh, my God, it's so bright and vivid.

It's starting to look like a triple rainbow.

Oh! Going streaking across the quad!

Going streaking across the quad!

Coochie, coochie, coochie!

Yeah. No, I know. Uh-huh.

No, I'm not. I'm not. No, I'm paying attention.

Mom, I'm listening. Just talk.

- Tyrone. - Are you going trick-or-treating?

- No, because-- - Pow!

I'm in the car. I'm literally in the car.

David, hey. David Clark.

Rick Nathanson.

-Uh, I'm sorry. -Little Ricky. We went to college together.

Oh, shit. Hey, dude.

We all took ecstasy at Dave Matthews one time and I tried to kiss you.

That's right. I remember that. Yeah.

Yeah. "Crash."

Yup.

Wow. I didn't recognize you. You look very different.

I've gained a little bit of daddy weight.

You know the drill.

Actually, I don't, no.

-No way. No way! Still a free agent. -Mm.

You son of a bitch! You lucky son of a bitch.

You lucky, lucky son of a bitch. Wow, that's amazing. Wow.

Here. For old times' sake, huh?

For daddy stress.

You're still dealing weed?

Best in Denver.

That's fucking awesome. Oh, my God.

That is so cool.

-You're still at it. -Yeah.

-I envy you, man. I do. -Ah.

Look at you. No wife, no kids.

-No responsibilities. -Mm-hm.

Pfft, nothing. You got nothing.

You could disappear tomorrow and who'd even know?

-Oh, what I wouldn't give. -Yeah.

Oh, hey, I didn't mean that in like, I mean--

No. It's all right. It doesn't bother me. It's all right.

-Great seeing you. -Great seeing you.

Okay, bud, I believe in you.

-Hey, David? -Yeah?

-Facebook me. We'll get weird. -I don't think so.

-Ha, ha! Get out of here. -Good luck with the family.

Oh, fuck. Fuck me. Fuck. Hey, great news.

We're gonna get high and fuck tonight.

I'm sorry, honey. Put Mommy on the phone, okay?

[NATALIA KILLS' "PROBLEM" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

I'm-a take my skirt, boot, rings All off

Skirt, boots, rings All off

Ooh, baby, you so bad, boy Drive me mad, boy

You don't care what they Say about me

Girl is a problem Girl is a problem, problem

Wow.

-You dance super good. -Thanks.

I'm Kymberly. With a Y.

I'm Rose. With an R.

Is that your stage name?

-My what? -Your stage name.

To protect yourself from the creeps out there. You should pick one.

You know, something simple but sexy and cute and short, maybe.

-Do you have a nickname? -Totally!

Great. Use that, because--

I even got a tattoo of it. Do you wanna see?

Uh, well, n--

Check it out.

"Boner Garage." Oh, whoa.

You got a little arrow there even.

Is that not like the hottest?

Boner Garage, you're up.

Oh, look at that. So excited and full of life. That'll fade.

Hey, Rose. I know you're "technically" on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five.

Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook hands.

How did we let that guy back in here?

Must have picked the locks. Ha, ha!

How was work this evening?

What do you care?

I'm just asking.

Oh, just don't.

Fine. Well, is your dummy boyfriend around?

No. Jimmy's with his parents. Why?

Well, because Jimmy still owes me 400 bucks, so....

Maybe you shouldn't loan drugs to people.

-All right. Good tip. -Mm-hm.

I was thinking is that maybe you could help him out, settle his debt.

-Not a fucking chance. -You'd be doing me a solid, neighbor.

Oh, really? Neighbor? You're not a neighbor.

You're a drug dealer whose apartment smells like cheese and feet.

Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie.

Cheesy Feet. That's what they call it. It's a bestseller.

Oh, Rose, got a piece of your mail here.

I'd lend you some money, but we're not neighbors.

Oh, you're such a dick!

Have fun dying alone, jerk.

Have fun digging out the singles from your crotch.

My crotch only takes 20s, David.

Hey, David.

-Hi, Kenny. -I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.

It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college.

What are you doing up? It's almost 2. Where's your mom?

-Uh, she went for a drink. With a friend. -When?

Last week.

Uh, so I got the whole place to myself.

Yeah. Rolling Han Solo for the weekend.

Mm-hm.

Um, speaking of rolling, I was wondering if--

-I don't sell to kids, Kenny. -I'm 18. I'm gonna get my own place soon.

Not a kid, David.

Yeah, you are. Take care.

Give me my fucking phone.

-You guys are such assholes. Hey, baby.

Leave her alone.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Unhand her.

Hey, leave her alone.

Goddamn it, Kenny.

-Fucking tough guy Huh? You don't have to--

Hey! Hey, hey, hey.

Easy, easy. What's going on here?

-Mind your fucking business, old man. -Oh, my God. You're a dude. Ha, ha!

That scared me. Your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure.

These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone.

You have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?

So? Fuck you, dude.

Okay, this was fun. Carry on.

-Come on, let's go. -What? No.

These guys are picking on her and it's not fair.

What you gonna do, white boy? You some type of hero?

Not a hero. He's a dumb kid.

I got an idea. Leave the girl alone. Just move along. Huh, what do you say?

-"Move along"? Yeah.

-What are you, some kind of cop? -He's not a cop. He's actually really cool.

-Thanks. -He's a drug dealer.

-Really? -Goddamn it, Kenny.

Give me your backpack.

I don't wanna fight.

Well, there's not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me the backpack...

... or I'm gonna stab you in the neck and take it.

It's a real Sophie's choice here, huh? All right.

Okay, backpack it is.

If you wa--

Run, Kenny!

You're dead meat!

Hey, sorry, I dropped my phone. Are we still going out tonight or what?

Fucking shit! Shit!

Oh, shit.

Sorry. This is fucking dumb.

Whoa-ho-ho, motherfucker.

-We got you now. -Unh!

Do whatever's in the safe too. Look at that.

It's not even my money. If you take that my boss will kill me.

You okay, David? I can help. I'll call the cops.

No, I'm okay.

Hey!

Whoa, what the--! Unh!

When Mr. Brad calls, you answer! Get in there!

Please don't tell me where we're going. I love surprises.

-All right. Okay. -Can I help you?

Hi. You ordered two black guys.

Oh. Okay. This guy.

No. David Clark here to see Mr. Gurdlinger, please?

I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you something?

Coffee. Tea. Fresca.

Hmm.

You know what, a Fresca sounds really good.

-You got it. Appreciate it.

Hold on one second. You guys want anything? It's on me.

Replenishes electrolytes.

Don't want you cramping up when you jerk each other off.

Nice meeting you.

Easy.

Easy. Oof!

Okay. I'm gonna hang out here if that's all right.

Oh, thank you for that. That's very helpful.

Oh! David Clark.

You're a hard man to find. Take it easy on the plastic.

Whoa, Brad, what the fuck is this?

Look, man, I was gonna call you back. Do not kill me.

-I got robbed, okay. I swear. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you--? What--?

Oh, the plastic?

Yeah, the plastic.

I've seen Dexter .

Buddy, I'm putting in a new skylight, you idiot. Ha, ha.

You should have seen your face just now. You shit a brick.

Well, what am I supposed to think, man?

You've got these thugs throwing a bag over my head. Come on.

I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to freak you out.

-It's fine. -You do know I've killed people though?