The Middle

What is the perfect American family?

Who knows exactly? I do know, out here in the middle,

it's something we all strive for.

Get your heads out of your butts and move, people!

We are not gonna be late for church again!

Yeah, we're still striving. I am sick of this, Axl!

- You are always moving the arrow to my name. - It's your turn!

- It was my turn to load the dishwasher yesterday. - Yeah, but mom brought home pasta bread bowls,

so actually we ate the dishes, so that makes it your turn, so...

Ha! But it's not my fault that mom's too lazy to cook,

so it's not my problem, it's your problem.

Ohh! Swoosh! Nothin' but net. Game over. Ooh!

Ugh! Would you two stop it? That's the whole reason

I made the stupid chore chart is to avoid all this.

Tell him! It's his turn! Look, I am sorry. I don't know whose turn it is to do what,

and we're in a hurry, so the arrow decides.

Sweet.

Not fair. Spin again.

The arrow has spoken. I am not kidding! You heard your mother! Why am I yelling?

Dishwasher. What's the matter with you? You're both

practically adults now. It's time to start acting like it.

That the general idea of what you were going for? Yeah.

Oh, great. Now brick's in the front seat.

He's probably seconds away from putting the car in gear, so go.

Go! Ugh!

Did you remember to take the car in?

That warning light's on again.

Yes, I remembered, but I didn't do it,

'cause I called the exterminator,

and it's your turn. Nope. It's your turn, 'cause I fixed the garbage disposal,

- and I'm buried at work right now. - Well, where do you think I go every day?

I'm not coming home beaten down and dejected from the spa.

And if you're looking to help others, and God hopes you are,

we still need host families to place foreign exchange students.

When you load the dishwasher, I didn't rinse any of my plates,

so you got some really nasty scraping

ahead of you. Normally Sue would let things slide and just take it,

but it was her time of the month...

Aah! The time when she gets her braces tightened.

Aah!

Mike. Love your sister.

Now bless you all, and we hope to see you next Sunday.

So, Frankie, are you guys gonna host a foreign exchange student?

We did it last year, and we're doing it again.

You get so much from it.

Oh, wow. Gosh, Nancy, we would love to, but we're so busy,

what with... recycling and everything.

Believe me, it's the most rewarding experience

for the whole family, especially the kids.

Really? Oh, it totally changes them.

Being immersed with someone from a different culture

gives them this global experience

and makes them more tolerant and mature.

Mom, Axl wiped a booger on me!

Listen, guys...

That was the reverend, and he says there's a bunch

of foreign exchange students still available. I'm sure there are.

Remember at church today?

- I was talking to Nancy Donahue, and she... - Oh, man.

And she said it's a very rewarding experience

that makes kids more tolerant.

And our kids could use some more tolerance, Mike, and guess what?

There's a kid in Japan who would love to come to Indiana. Why?

A foreign exchange kid? I don't know, Frankie.

We have enough trouble paying attention to the kids we have.

Do we get to exchange someone? 'Cause I vote for Axl.

I'm in. This is way better than the dog you wouldn't let me get.

Can we name him "Rex"?

Guys, guys, it's not about that.

This is about us hosting someone, making a difference.

We'd be like a pebble that makes a tiny ripple

that becomes this wave... A wave that starts in Orson

and becomes bigger and bigger all the way to Japan.

Those big waves are called "tsunamis"...

And they don't like them.

Mike, I'm serious. We have a real opportunity here.

We'll be like ambassadors. Then he goes out in the world

and tells people how great it is here.

And pretty soon, America's popular again.

Come on, Mike.

I talked you into hummus, and you ended up liking that.

I'm down, but as long as it's some super hot girl from Finland

or Sweden. Is there some sort of catalog we can look at?

Hey, you get what they give you,

just like we did with you guys.

The day had finally arrived. The house was clean.

The kids were clean.

I even got Mike to power wash all the cobwebs

off the screens.

Yeah, I should've done this years ago.

God, this is so exciting.

We're actually in the international section

of the airport.

Those people over there just got off the plane

from Toronto... Canada.

I'm proud of us, Mike.

We're actually gonna change someone's life,

and they're gonna change ours. Who knows?

Maybe next year we'll be spending Christmas in Japan.

They celebrate that, right? I hear they got a lot of malls there, so probably.

Yeah. Takayuki?

Hey! You made it! Hi.

I don't know if you're a hugger,

but you're gettin' one. Ohh.

Welcome to America. Uh, I'm Frankie.

This is Mike...

Axl...

Brick... and Sue. We are your family.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh! Can Takayuki sit next to me on the way home?

No, he's mine. Mom got him for me.

Brick, I got him for everybody.

Oh! We know you're not a pet.

You probably noticed my sweatshirt.

I'm on cross-country.

I'm what you call a "jock."

Itch.

Don't start!

Okay, Takayuki, get ready,

'cause we're gonna show you America!

Whoo-hoo!

I don't know what you watch at your house,

but we have all kinds of great shows here...

"The Bachelor," "Bachelorette," "Say Yes To The Dress,"

"Ace Of Cakes." Oh.

Don't think all American girls are Lindsay Lohan.

I'm taking an aspirin, 'cause I just got my braces tightened.

They're correcting an overbite-crossbite.

Do you have braces in Japan?

Do you read any anime or manga books? I have lots.

I'd love to get

an actual Japanese person's insight.

No, I do not read them,

and, yes, we have braces.

Oh, gosh. I'm sorry. You're probably jet-lagged,

and here we are pestering you with a bunch of questions.

We're just so excited to have you here.

Mnh. No! Those are my fries.

Axl! Why don't you and Sue clean up and take your empty bags

to the kitchen, please? Thank you.

Uh, you know, Takayuki,

you can eat what's in that bag.

That's yours.

No, thank you.

Axl! You are so dead! I'm sick of this, Axl!

That's American teen lingo. "Dead" means "cool."

I wouldn't use that, though. Excuse me.

Axl! Ugh! Stop it!

You want him to think we're animals? We are ambassadors!

Axl, moved the arrow again!

Sue, get back in there and entertain our guest!

I will straighten out your brother.

Axl, I have had it with...

Okay, look, I'll pay you $10

to get along with your sister while Takayuki's here.

Yeah.

And that's why we have three branches of government.

Oh, Frankie's back.

So...

Tell us about your family.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Yes.

Yes, you have brothers, or, yes, you have sisters?

Or yes for both?

Yes.

Okay. Well, good.

Is there anything you want to know about us?

No.

Well, we could just gab all night, but, you know,

it's gettin' late, so, Takayuki,

why don't I show you to your room?

Alright, so it was a little rough,

but it was only his first day.

I knew Takayuki just needed a good night's sleep

and a good old American breakfast.

Guess what?

Today you're going to school with Axl.

Ooh. Senior hotties. Okay. Here's the plan.

When they walk by, look confused and ask for help.

They'll stop 'cause you're exotic.

You tell them how great I am. I show up. You get the ugly one.

Got it?

Oh, my gosh. Did he really?

Dude.

Worst day of my life, and I live here!

It's only his second day.

Did you know that 85% of your people

have never tasted turkey

and that your national bird is the kiji?

Kiji.

Ours is the bald eagle.

Benjamin Franklin wanted it to be the turkey,

which 85% of your people have never tasted.

Isn't that funny?

Yes.

Well, that was exhausting.

It's only his third day.

I just sang karaoke

for three hours and nothing!