The Neighborhood

Aw, I love our cozy date nights.

Me, too, baby.

Grape me.

Oh, man, I hate y'all cozy date nights.

That's because you're not a romantic like your father.

Now be quiet, we're trying to watch Swamp Truckers.

Man, you got to love that Jolene.

That girl's got more tires than teeth.

Well, I will see y'all later.

Sofia and I are going for a walk on the beach.

The beach?

Ain't nothing romantic about getting sand in your cracks.

Grape me again, baby. But put some finger on it.

Man, please don't put them grapes back in the fridge.

Oh, man, look.

There's another one of those Motor Boys commercials.

Man, Pop, your competition sure is running a lot of ads.

I don't know, baby. Should we be scared?

Hell no.

Calvin's Pit Stop is a local institution.

If anybody should be scared, it's them.

Change the channel, baby.

See? I told you.

They even scared of me in Spanish.

Season 02 Episode 17 Title: "Welcome to the Commercial"

Okay, this one needs to be washed in cold water,

this one on delicate

and this one is hand-wash only.

Got it. All right.

Uh, Mom... are you, are you gonna remember?

That I do your laundry for free? Yes.

Tina, everyone was right.

You're married to a genius.

Oh, really? Does that guy know you're also married to Dad?

Very funny.

Look, I figured out the perfect way to take down Motor Boys.

We're gonna do a commercial for the shop.

A commercial? Aren't those expensive?

No, no. I made a deal on airtime.

The only catch is we have no budget,

Oh... it has to be done in three days

and we got to shoot it ourselves.

Told you. Genius.

Mom is right. We can't do a commercial.

No, trust me, I got it all figured out.

You're gonna shoot it with your fancy new phone,

we'll play ourselves

and I just got someone to play the customer.

Dad, what actor would be desperate enough

to star in the world's cheapest commercial for free?

I got your text.

I'm ready for my close-up.

Ah, I should go.

I got an early shift in the morning.

Are you sure you don't want to stay at my place again?

Uh, you know, I better not.

Last time we didn't get any sleep,

and I dozed off on my Taser.

Okay. Good night.

Good night.

That went well.

Hey! Man...

Gemma, were you spying on us?

Well, what can I say?

You're my favorite neighbor, she's my favorite employee.

It makes me happy to see you two so in l...

I-Los Angeles.

Come on.

Don't tell me you haven't said "I love you" yet.

What? I-It's only been four months.

Only? Dave said it the first time we met.

I was working at the Burger King drive-through,

and he blurted it out right after I handed him his Whopper.

I felt like the Burger Queen.

Well, I'm not like you guys, Gemma.

I don't hand out "I love yous" like Whoppers.

No... Well, you're missing out, because they are both delicious.

Okay, here's how it's gonna go.

I'm gonna say my line to camera.

"I'm great, Motor Boys suck, yada yada yada."

Uh, Dad,

I-I'm not sure you can legally say that.

Hey. Do you want to keep your job?

Uh, no, not really. You're forcing me to do this.

Then act like it.

All right, then Tina says her line.

"Line"? Why do I only get one line?

Babe, it's a 30-second commercial.

We got to have time for the customer.

Eh, if you say so, but, baby, we need this thing to pop.

And we know that this is popping.

Okay.

Dave, you ready to go?

Yeah, yeah. Uh...

Uh, about the customer. Who is this guy?

W-What do you mean? He's a customer.

Well, yeah, no... I-I know that, but if I'm gonna be convincing,

I need to know his backstory.

You know? What-what makes him tick?

What brought him here and why?

His broken car, because it's broken.

His broken car. Okay, let me chew on that.

Okay. Marty, how we doing over here?

Uh, great. But before we start,

how do we want this thing to look?

What do you mean?

Well, Motor Boys ads may be professional,

but they're kind of generic.

So we can stand out

by giving our ad a distinct visual aesthetic.

An aesthetic?

Why do we need a fake leg?

Okay, nobody treats Tarantino this way.

Okay. I made a few changes to your lines

that I think will make them better.

What did you do?

I gave them to me.

You gave yourself everything except "I'm Calvin Butler."

Well, I can't say that. I would sound ridiculous.

Calvin, I have a few questions about my character.

Dave, since when do you wear glasses?

Well, that's one of my questions.

These olives are delicious. You have to try one.

Mmm.

You know, when my parents do that, it is gross.

But when you do it, it's hot.

So, uh, there's something

I kind of need to talk to you about.

Okay, Gemma was watching us make out.

But she promised to see a therapist.

It's not that. I got some news today.

I was offered a new teaching position.

Wow, that's so great.

It's in Paris.

Wow, that is so in France.

I know. It's this amazing school.

I applied for it last year, and I honestly

never thought I would get it.

So I guess you're, um,

moving to France?

I don't know. I haven't accepted it yet.

Why not?

Because I feel like what we have is special,

so before I decide...

...I'd like to know where you think we're going.

Oh. Uh, I, um...

- Well... - So, do we know what we want?

Hey, can you chill out, man? This ain't got nothing to do with you!

Okay, everybody, if you would all just focus

and stick to my original plan,

we only have to do this one more time.

Uh, actually, Dad,

I think I might need a few more takes to capture

the edgy Spike Lee feel I'm going for.

You're lucky there's not an aesthetic here,

or I would hit you over the head with it.

Action!

Hi, I'm Calvin Butler.

And here at Calvin's Pit Stop, our customers are friends,

and our friends are family.

Just ask my wife Tina.

Do you have a problem with your car?

Talk to Tina.

Do you want the best prices in town?

Talk to Tina.

Do you want the best customer service?

Talk to Calvin.

Or to Tina.

And speaking of customers, here comes one now.

After the accident, I didn't know where to bring my car.

But then I found Calvin's Pit Stop,

where they did a great job at a fair price.

That's right, because here at Calvin's...

Sure, I lost my family in that accident,

but I found a new one here at Calvin's...

Pit Stop!

Cut!

We're doing it again.

What?

Uh, that's good, because I forgot to press record.

Oh, my God.

Did you see the cut of the commercial?

I just watched it.

I was amazing!

I know.

Wasn't I great?

I know it's just a local commercial,

but I feel like I could get nominated for something.

Oh, Calvin,

did you see the commercial yet?

Yeah.

Well, what'd you think?

Well, to put it gently, it was a flaming pile of hot garbage.

What?

All three of you were ridiculous.

Marty with his black-and-white montage

and-and you just making love to the camera.

And you, with your backstory about being a drug addict?

Ex-drug addict.

Well, y'all seem to have forgotten