Ride Along

They told me you are the man.

They said that this guy can move anything.

They said that?

Yeah.

I am the man.

USA passport.

The most valuable piece of paper

in the world and we make it our own.

That shit's artisanal.

I'll be the judge of that.

Not bad.

What about Omar? The friendly ghost?

He ain't gonna cut your head off for this?

I know he owns the city.

Omar signed off personally.

I don't know who you think you're bullshitting, but it ain't me.

Calling me a liar?

With guns on your face?

You crazy you don't trust me.

Let me explain something to you.

There's not a lot in this world that I love,

but the shit that I love, I don't trust with nobody.

I'll buy 50 now

and 500 after Omar looks me in my eye

and lets me know he's not going to kill me over this deal.

Is that something you can arrange?

Or is it more bullshit?

You're crazy, bro.

Yeah, I am crazy,

but in a good way.

Shit!

Everybody down! Atlanta PD!

There!

Shit!

Freeze!

Freeze! I said freeze!

Atlanta PD!

Get down!

See you, bitches!

Freeze!

Atlanta PD! Get me another car!

A Prius? Get this bullshit out of here!

Damn!

Valet. Get out.

Get out! Yeah!

Asshole!

Move, trick!

Get out the way!

Here we go.

Hey!

Whoo!

Oh, shit!

How you like me now?

Stop! Stop!

Oh, shit!

Yeah, baby!

I got you.

Yeah!

I tried to be nice.

You thought I was crazy? No, baby, I'm nuts.

Does anybody have a twenty on Black Hammer?

All right, let's get these bitches!

The target's on the second floor. Allright look, Let's switch it up.

Assface, me and you, we'll go around back.

Copy that. Watch your friendly fire.

Hey! Guys, remember, if they throw a grenade,

you got five seconds to pick it up and throw it back.

Frag out.

This is not a game, gentlemen, this is real.

- Be on your toes at all times. - Copy that.

How's my king this morning?

Good. I'm fine, babe.

Wasting his royal talents in the kingdom, I see.

Bogies at nine. Bogies at nine.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic, but I'm not.

Right now I'm on a black bag op.

Kick move!

- Can we talk? - Babe, in a second.

- Did you call me "babe"? - I didn't call you "babe."

Shut up, Assface. I'm talking to my lady.

Do what you're supposed to do. Get eyes on that sniper.

Does anybody have eyes on the sniper?

Ben, let's go.

This is not the time.

Stop. Ang, don't start.

Oh, I'm sorry, guys, the real world needs Ben. Bye.

Stop playing. Give me the joystick.

Give me it back. Look at what you're doing right now.

Stop. Seriously. Move me out of the thing.

Put me in a bunker. You going to get me...

Wow. Stop! Hey. Oh!

Not again, Ben.

No! No!

- That really hurts. - Oh! Oh!

Hi, Angela.

Even soldiers have to get to work on time.

You're pro-Taliban. You are.

Stop.

I'm sorry, guys. I had a black bird in the living room.

I didn't hear it chirp. - Later

It's not fair. Here's the thing,

you have to understand how easy it is for me

to get caught up into that world.

I feel like I had been fighting in Pakistan for the last eight hours.

Okay, first of all, "Black Hammer"?

Speaking.

What is that about?

That's about when I pull my penis out and it hits the ground.

Kaboom. Boom!

What are you laughing for?

You do know that you're going to be Mrs. Black Hammer.

The words every girl wants to hear.

It better be.

Mmm. And when exactly is this Black Hammer wedding?

- Soon. Very, very soon. - Mmm-hmm.

Things are getting close to where

I want them to be. I'm figuring it out.

- Can you make me one? Mmm. - Sure.

So, is this about you becoming a cop?

Yes, it is.

I got it all figured out. Here's what's going to happen.

I'm going to get into the police academy.

After that I'm going to be on patrol.

After that I'm going to be a detective.

After being a detective, I'm going to be a lieutenant.

That's how it happens. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

You know that I love you with or without the academy, right?

I understand that, but this is different.

I got such a good feeling, babe. I did everything right.

Did you tell my brother that you signed up?

I'm going to be honest, and don't get mad at me,

but I'm going to say what I want to say.

Here's how I feel when it comes to your brother.

First of all, I've reached out,

but I know that your brother is ignoring me because of that incident.

The barbeque incident was a first-degree burn, not a third-degree burn.

I've gotten past it, okay.

He doesn't have to know. I don't see why it's important.

Seriously, Ben, if I'm ever going to be Mrs. Hammer...

Black Hammer. Black Hammer.

Hammer. Got it.

I need him to be on board.

You two are the most important men in my life.

What you just said has been received.

I will check in.

Give me a kiss.

Done. You know what we're doing tonight, right?

- Mmm... Yes. - What?

- Dinner. Yeah. - Dinner at Dominick's.

A romantic dinner followed by some sweet, sweet lovemaking,

dirty style.

That's right. Dirty style.

Dirty style? What is that move?

It's the move that Rihanna does in that video.

I don't think that's it.

This is it. It's very sexy.

- Is it? - Yes.

I actually saw it in a Kama Sutra book.

They call it the "Lathered Lotus."

After I'm done doing that, I'm going to give you the Kawasaki.

I don't understand what that is.

That's starting that bike up.

After that, what do you think comes last?

- Ah, let me guess. - What?

Black Hammer.

That's right. Kaboom. Boom!

Uh, dude, turn your mic off. This is awkward.

Is that why you call yourself Black Hammer?

I thought it had something to do with Thor from Avengers.

No. Ben.

Why didn't you turn the game off?

You didn't turn the game off.

Congratulations.

They know we have a nasty household. Is that what you want?

- Because of you. - Whatever.

A car chase? Come on.

I authorized this operation with very clear guidelines.

Instead, you shoot up a mall full of civilians like it's a damn video game.

And for what? Fake passports?

Thinking those would lead us to Omar.

Of course you were.

Do you know how many man hours we spent on this case?

And in two and a half years you've had

no breaks, so enough of this shit.

Your obsession aside, there's no criminal,

nobody you get to use as an excuse

for ignoring the rules of engagement.

- Lieutenant, this was a special... - Nobody!

And especially not for some lowlife

nobody's ever even seen before!

We know what he looked like when he was nine.

Shut up, Miggs.

Look, these Serbs are dealing more than just passports.

The fact that they're still alive lets me know they got something Omar wants.

Which was going to lead us right to him.

Well, this Marko guy's already lawyered up and he's refusing to talk

except to claim entrapment.

Entrapment? How about attempted murder?

Asshole tried to kill me.

Oh, you little pussy.