Playdate

- Stop it! - Dude, how sick is this?

We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

Oh, mama!

Pass the ball!

All right, guys, bring it in.

All right, come on, come on, come on,

Get in here. Huddle up.

We got a minute left here, okay? We are tied up.

Lucas, whe--where are you?

- Lucas, where are you? - I'm right here, Dad.

- Go, Lucas! - Get in here.

- You're on the team. Let's go. - Come on.

You're kidding. He sucks.

Nobody covered him in the second quarter.

I'm getting triple teamed out there.

Well, you know what? Then I'll tell you what. Um--

Dude, have you even played lacrosse?

Just cold play, loser.

Okay, fine. You know what-- that's a play.

We're gonna get the ball to Lucas.

- What, are you high? - Yes, that's the plan.

Lucas, you're gonna take the shot.

We're gonna win this thing, okay?

Let's get in there. What do you say?

- I say we're gonna lose. - I don't care.

Let's win this thing as a team, guys.

- This is bullshit. - Let's go, guys.

Let's go. We are heroes.

Dad, are you sure about this?

I mean, everyone's just gonna be pissed off at me

if I mess this up.

Maybe I should just go sit on the bench.

Sit on the bench?

Buddy, you are set up for the hero moment.

When we watch those sports movies,

and it comes down to those final few seconds,

and everything turns to slow motion,

that's where the hero emerges.

Whoa!

Everything slows down, and they make the shot,

and it's victory!

And they throw 'em on their shoulders,

and they're going crazy.

The girls are gonna be “Lucas, Lucas!”

That's how we win.

- All right. - All right?

- Let's do it. - Let's make it happen.

I love you, Dad.

Okay, sshh. Hey, maybe lower.

This, this is sports. We don't--

we kind of-- it's already assumed.

It's assumed.

Lucas!

All right, please, yes.

Oh, please.

Please, God. Please.

Yes!

Oh, my God!

Lucas, go!

Eye of the tiger!

What the hell is he doing?

Why is he moving in slow motion?

I might have told him to.

No! He had no right!

- No way! - You suck, Lucas.

You're okay. He's okay.

You just got the wind knocked out of ya.

He got the wind knocked out of him.

He's fine. Gonna come back quick.

Help me.

Maybe lacrosse isn't his thing?

I mean, maybe he's just not a sports kind of kid at all.

Look, playing a sport is important to him.

I mean, this is all I know.

This is what I did.

I--I connected with my father through sports.

Oh, honey, I know this whole new stepdad thing can't be easy

and I love that you're trying so hard to connect with him.

I really, I really am.

You and Lucas will find your thing too,

but you just gotta give it time.

You can't force it.

Come here. I love you.

I love you.

Yo, Hunt. We'll get ‘em next time, huh, bro?

Don't call me “bro,” dude.

Don't call me “dude,” son.

Don't call me “son,” bitch.

- I'm not a bitch, you're a-- - Oh my God, stop.

You okay?

Yeah, fine, it's just...

By the way, how long does it take Lucas to take a leak?

Oh, can you check on him for me?

He gets bladder shy.

Yeah.

Oh, shit. It's Pukas.

What's up, Pukas?

Look, I'm sorry if I did anything to piss you guys off.

Honestly, I--I just want it to be cool between us.

Oh, shit.

Hey! Don't touch him.

Daddy's here.

Let's go, Lucas.

Let me tell you something.

You touch him again, I come back here,

I personally kick every one of your asses.

Every one, every ass.

I kick it, you understand?

Just let's go, Lucas. Come on.

Do you understand what you guys almost got into?

Do you have any idea the annihilation

that would have taken place here?

Annihilation. Wait, you want to go?

You feeling frisky? You want to go?

You know what? I'll go.

- Hm? - You want to go?

- Let's go. - How old are you?

What the hell where'd you come from?

- Let's go. - I don't--

I'm not saying I don't want to go.

I'm just saying we can go.

Stop talking shit and just do it, old man.

- Hit me. - Bring the voice down.

Okay, we're in a locker room. It's a lot of acoustics.

You just said you could kick all our asses.

I know. I haven't even eaten yet.

We have reservations at Benihana.

You know where they do the smoking volcano thing

with the runyons.

It's fine. Let's go, Lucas man.

Go. Just... better watch it next time.

Yeah.

All right.

What's that kid's name anyway?

- Kurt. - Kurt.

Freaking Kurt.

Do you realize how... how--how

- that would have went down? - Oh, yeah.

I would have kicked all their asses.

- Yeah, definitely. - Yeah.

Now, I should go back there. I'm gonna go back there.

- No, no, no, no. - He's probably not there, right?

- I mean, I'm gonna-- - It's fine, Dad.

I should just close this shit out, man.

- This is crazy. - No, no, no, no.

It's--it's fine, Dad.

I'm used to it.

What do you mean you're used to it?

That's not...

see, that's not something you should be used to.

How often does this happen?

Uh, every day.

I mean, there's no way for him to escape.

Did you know it was this bad?

No. What should we do?

Nothing now, because I slammed it down.

I shut it, you know? I took care of things.

I nipped it in the bud, you know? So--

You got to call the school and the principal right away.

What? No. You can't do that.

Then he's a rat.

You saw The Departed. He'll get whacked.

Brian, you're his dad now.

This is something a dad needs to handle.

You're right. You're right.

I...Hey, look at me.

I promise you I'll never let anything bad happen to him.

All right?

- All right. - I gotta get back to work.

When I get back, we'll take care of this, all right?

Hey, no more bullies.

Kick his ass!

- Please get off! - Oh, oh!

Get him, you little bitch!

Dude, I got five grand on you!

Go, go!

C--Claire said you wanted to see me?

Hey, buddy.

Yeah, come on in.

Just, uh, just grab-- grab a seat.

- Go! Go! - You can do it!

Believe in yourself!

Yeah! Whoo!

Pay up, .

Hey, so listen.

The Pfizer thing.

You're gonna straighten out those numbers, right?

Well, I mean, the numbers are what the numbers are.

First of all, don't yell at me.

Okay, then. I didn't think I was yelling.

Sounded like yelling.

Numbers are a little tight, dawg,

so just make them a little loosey-goosey, you know?

Well, I mean, if we loosen them up--

Hey, calm down.

If we loosen them up,

then what you're gonna do is you're basically,

you're asking me to commit fraud.

What?!

Whoa.