The Long Shot

Let's go, Tarzan, while we're young.

Any requests, fellas?

-Do a flip! -Flip!

-Flip! -Flip!

Flip. Flip.

-Oh! -Oh!

Incoming!

Damn it, Travis. I was in the zone.

I gave you plenty of time to clear.

What are you doing down here anyway?

Looking for a kindred spirit.

-Oh, really? That's interesting. -What?

That's what your mom told me at breakfast this morning.

Let's get down, baby.

All right, our ride's here.

Let's go.

Danny boy. Right on time, baby.

I got flipped off three times

on the way over here for holding up traffic.

Hey, that builds character. I'm proud of you.

You weren't followed, were you?

No one cares about your stupid secret

mud puddle of a swimming hole.

Hey, that "stupid mud puddle" is one of the last

remaining hidden gems in this whole city, okay?

We'll take the back roads just in the case.

-Whoo! -Let's go, baby.

-Beer me. - You guys are gonna

get us all thrown in jail.

Oh, it's a government vehicle.

We got diplomatic immunity.

Immunity my ass.

This thing isn't even street legal.

-Hey. What's eating you, bud? -Our annual review

with the Greenspace Authority is tomorrow.

Oh, buddy, you got to relax about the Greenspace Authority.

Every year, the night before our review,

I take out Greenspace director Larry Alsmeyer

out for a Steak and Shake at the Yellow Rose.

And every year, our lease is magically renewed.

-Yup. -Well, Larry is not doing

the review this year.

-It's some guy named Sam. -What? Who's Sam?

I don't know. The email was sent to you.

Well, I texted Larry earlier this week to confirm dinner,

and he responded with a boobs, beer, and tongue emoji.

Check it out.

- -How old are you?

Forty-two. Why?

It's another beautiful day at Muny.

Forecast calls for sunny skies, tight lies,

and a serious case of swamp ass.

This is your course marshal and ordained shaman,

Dale Stockton, coming at you with a friendly reminder

to keep up the pace of play,

replace your divots, or don't,

and limit your foursomes to 12 people.

Now we have a special at the clubhouse grill

on locally-sourced venison brought to you

by yours truly, and my .30-06.

Kaboom!

If you plan on playing barefoot,

we are losing the war against the fire ants,

so tread lightly out there, sweet people.

Same goes for the water moccasins,

if you plan on taking a dip in the pond on 15.

Now I'll be back in blackjack in the clubhouse

after sundown for those who are feeling lucky.

In the meantime, swing easy out there

and play the game the way it was intended.

Drunk as a skunk and free as scorecards.

Y'all be good.

All right, boys. Let's see it.

Nice and easy.

All right. Well, that was neither nice nor easy.

Can we take a break, Mr. Mueller?

They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice

to achieve greatness, Marcus.

You're only 9,999 away, buddy.

Jesus. Jesús, it's a driver,

not a fly swatter.

All right, guys.

Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Any of you all ever slow danced before?

Probably not. All right.

Well, the game of golf is a lot like

dancing the two-step.

All you need is rhythm, timing, and feel.

And this,

this right here is your dance partner.

Mwah. All right?

And just like on the dance floor,

all you need is three things.

Excuse me.

Loose grip, steady eye contact, and rhythm.

All right? And once you realize that,

you can take her right,

you can take her left,

and you can take her straight down the dance floor.

All right.

Get it? Great.

Now swing your partner to the music. Here we go.

["Recipe for Happiness" by Jimmy Self playing]

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Love it. Now get on that dance floor

and give that ball a ride, baby. Come on.

- There we go. -

- I got him! -

Don't worry, guys. It's just Dale...

brandishing a firearm on a public course.

Lookie, lookie, lookie what I got here.

I caught him sneaking around the hen house.

Dale, what did I tell you about guns on the course?

You don't know, Ray. You weren't there.

It was either him or me. He charged me.

What is wrong with you, woman?

-What are you doing? -Look who I caught

rifling through the cash register.

I was just trying to swap my change for dollars.

Roberta, it's okay. You can let him go.

Ow!

Oh, you caught the coyote.

Yes, ma'am, Ms. Roberta.

I was gonna splay him on the fence,

ward off his kin.

Uh, no, no.

You were gonna give Mr. Coyote

-a proper burial. -Uh-huh. Yeah.

And a candlelight vigil and everything.

Yeah, uh, yeah, proper burial, for sure. I'm-- I'm on it.

Can I please get back to my lesson?

Thank you.

Good work, Dale.

["Recipe for Happiness" continues playing]

-Hey, hey! -What's up, buddy?

-Yeah. -Your party's here.

-What's up, dude? - How you doing?

- Yo, where's Larry? -You know, I don't know.

He's not answering my texts.

Okay. You guys got your things?

Great. Let's roll.

Ladies are gonna love you.

Whoo!

- Yeah. -Yeah.

-Hi, gentlemen. -Hey.

What can I get you all?

Ooh. Can I please have a Shiner?

Can I get a coke with a lot of ice, please?

-Thank you. -Tap water is fine with me.

Can I get these in coins, too?

Oh, okay.

We got some high rollers here tonight.

Sorry about that.

Okay, school is back in session.

Please welcome to the main stage,

everyone's favorite teacher,

-Ms. Jasmine. -

-Jasmine! -Whoo.

Ooh.

-Hey now! -Ooh.

Hey, I think something's up.

Larry should have been here by now.

Yeah. That's, uh, honestly

pretty low on my list of priorities right now.

I guess she didn't get the memo that Jasmine's already got

the "Hot for Teacher" look tonight.

Oh!

Substitute? I don't know.

Oh, bro, I think she's into you. Look.

Oh, come on.

- Look, look. - Oh.

Be cool, be cool, be cool.

- Hi. -Well, hello.

You know, I wasn't really planning

on getting the dance tonight until you showed up.

-Excuse me? -So, do you need to go change

or is this one of those tear-away outfits?

I'm from the Greenspace Authority.

That's a weird stripper angle, but all right.

-Right. -I'm Ray.

I know.

I'm Sam

with the Austin Greenspace Authority.

-Hmm, Ray. -Is she for real?

I think that's a--

Thank you, Jasmine.

-Sorry. -Leave us some more money.

Oh.

That looks like a tomorrow problem now.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

I am so sorry.

Um, hey.