Repo Men

The federal government announced it will declare bankruptcy in the next 90 days.

Flags continue to be flown at half-mast in the U.S. capital-

industries have significantly deteriorated.

The party was over.

By the enveloping global recession.

Sold and sustained an ultimately disastrous war.

What do I remember?

I remember reading about a scientist.

He had a thing for cats and boxes.

What he'd do is take a cat and lock it in a box.

And then, just to make things interesting...

he'd also put this machine in there that released poison gas.

Now, the scientist didn't actually know...

when the machine would release the poison and when it wouldn't.

The only way he could tell for sure was to look inside the box.

Here's the science bit.

Until he opened it up, he figured the cat had to be alive...

and dead.

See, if either one was possible...

then both had to be possible too.

Ever since I read about that cat, I can't get the story out of my head.

Don't get me wrong. I don't give a fuck about the plight of small, furry animals.

I just don't understand.

How can anything be alive and dead at the same time?

You ready for tonight's entertainment?

Yeah, go, go, go.

Mr. Smythe. I'm from The Union.

Holy fuck!

Wait. Okay? Just wait.

Don't worry. Just keep it holstered. Everything's okay. I can pay.

Sorry. That's not my department.

- Don't you fucking touch me. - No need for violence, miss.

Henry Smythe, I'm legally bound to ask you...

if you would like an ambulance on standby or to take you to hospital.

No?

Okay.

My job is simple.

Can't pay for your car, the bank takes it back.

Can't pay for your house, the bank takes it back.

Can't pay for your liver...

that's where I come in.

Good morning, everybody. I'm Eric Fitzsimmons.

And I'm Sabrina Kenn. From around the globe and around the corner...

here's what's happening in your world this morning.

Some big news coming in from Nigeria this morning.

- That's in Africa. - Now, of course you know...

that we've already got 10,000, 15,000 soldiers over there...

waiting at the Nigerian border.

- Come home soon. - Well, not too soon.

Word's coming in that the 34th Armored Division has arrived...

and they're ready to start the sixth phase of the war.

Operation Hope Springs Eternal.

They're available now at your Union retailer.

Don't drink out of the bottle.

- He does. - You don't.

I'm late. Can you take him?

- Sure. - Thank you.

Peter. Leave it.

- You got everything? - Yeah.

Dad, I'll be okay from here.

- All right. Have a good day. - Okay.

Almost every job I do ends the exact same way.

Some whimper, some cry, some even laugh.

But in the end they all do the same horizontal mambo...

twitching and thrusting their way into the Great Beyond.

Hey, watch the suit-

Sorry, sir. I didn't know that was you.

Now serving 138.

The Union. Helping you get more you out of you.

In years past, nearly 200,000 people...

waited on organ transplant lists at any given time...

hoping for someone else to die so that they could possibly live.

But thanks to modern biomedical science...

the days of waiting and praying are over-

art if org is expertly and cleanly inserted with minimal invasion and scarring.

Now, if you can't afford the full payment of...

$618,429...

we can offer monthly installments at an APR of 19.6%.

Standard for a generic pancreatic unit-

Frank Mercer, Union manager.

I understand you have concerns.

Affordability. It's only natural.

First of all, let me reassure you...

that our credit department will find a plan that fits your lifestyle.

And should you fall behind, there is a three-month grace period.

Not until after the sixth day of the fourth month of nonpayment...

will we retrieve the property, at our own expense, of course...

utilizing our skilled and licensed technicians.

I'm not sure what you heard on the 6:00 news...

but this almost never happens.

I gotta tell you, you owe it to your family.

You owe it to yourself.

Now, if you could just sign...

here, here and initial here, we can get started.

He'll sign it.

Everybody signs it.

Hi.

Ears, ears, ears.

Goddamn ears again.

Shit.

A job's a job, right?

I'm just sayin', ears, four times in a row.

Fuckin' probation ain't fair.

Wasn't fair what you did to that woman on the subway.

Yeah, you weren't there, were you?

You're killin' me coming in the front like that.

I got guys trying to make sales. I don't need you spooking clients.

We want 'em buying, not thinking.

Six paid-in-fulls this week. You know what that means?

No. What, Frank?

They see you, they start turning down the loans and coming up with the cash.

We don't make money when they pay in full.

- What you got? - Liver.

- What's that? - Liver.

What, are you hanging out at AA meetings?

Day's count. Give it up, buddy. What's the magic number?

- Not today, Jake. - Wrong answer!

Jake Freivald kicked my ass in the fourth grade.

It wasn't exactly fair, since he was in the fourth grade for the third time.

Maybe he didn't appreciate the rhyme scheme.

But he had to admire an aspiring writer who could give as good as he got.

Fuck!

- Hey, come on. - Here you go.

Two livers and a Jarvik!

- Gotta stop nicking these bar codes, Jake. - Won't happen again, boss.

I'm working with fuckin' children.

Let's go hit a few.

Yeah, all right.

I gotta tell Carol.

Of course you do.

So, did you talk to Frank today?

About moving over to sales?

No, I didn't get a chance.

- When you were standing next to him? - Right. I'll talk to him on Monday.

You're turning me into a horrible, naggy bitch.

You were always a horrible, naggy bitch.

Just get him outta here.

- See you later. - Yeah.

Come on.

That went well. Maybe next time she'll crochet you a set of balls.

What do you think?

Come test-drive the most advanced neural sensory replicator:

The Union's M-5 Neural Net.

Sweet dreams are made of these.

Stay super dry!

You know what this is about, right? She's trying to control you.

You gonna move from repo to sales? That's like cutting your pay in half, man.

She thinks sales is more stable.

9:00 to 5:00. No late nights. I'll be home more often.

Buddy, you and me, we're always gonna be repo.

Check out Fatty.

You know his organs went out a long time ago.

Twenty bucks says he's overdue.

Go on, then. Twenty bucks.

- Deadbeat? - Almost.

Pancreas. Two days.

How's your pancreas holding up?

I sent the money in this morning.

You'd better hope you did. Forty-eight hours, your organ's mine.

Slow down, mate. You're gonna need a new heart as well.

The bastard, he still lives with his parents.

Did you ever repo anybody you know?

I had to do my granddad.

What are you laughing about? You try to explain that to your grandmother.

- Fuck you, you did. - I would.

I would on day 96 if they gave me the pink sheet.

- I know you would. - A job's a job, right?

Yeah, a job's a job.

Now you say you're sorry.

You want another beer or somethin'?

- Oh, man. - For being so untrue.

Stare any longer, you'll be married by the weekend.

You can cry me a river.

Cry me a river

- I'm gonna go start a fight or somethin'. - I cried a river over you.

Well, you can cry me a river.

Cry me a river

I cried a river.

Over you.

Well, you can cry.

I don't want to stifle you, but you might wanna turn 'em over a bit more.

If people ate 'em as quick as I cook 'em, they wouldn't be burned.

All right.

Hey! Get your hot dogs. Here's your charbroiled-kinda crispy-

Yeah?

No, this is not a good time. I'm not at home. What do you want?

Nobody eats the salad.

No one ever eats beetroot salad. Told you not to waste money on it.

Okay, I'll call you back. Bye.

Need to borrow your grill master for a moment.

- Give me your apron. - What?

I got a mobile coming here right now. You want some of this?

To my house? Fuck no.

- Guy's six months overdue. - No.

It's a double commission. Give you half. Half.

I'm paying for a full ride. I just want to get to the Fairmount downtown.

Don't worry. You'll be done in a minute.

- Two minutes, tops. - Two minutes, tops.

- Where's the case? - Front closet.

- You're a saint. - I know.