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This programme contains some strong language.

..Five, six, pick up sticks.

Seven, eight, run to the gate.

Nine, ten, a big fat hen!

In you get. Come on, let's go.

Who wants fish and chips? Me!

OK, so it's fish and chips for four,

and are you going to have mushy peas or not? No. No.

Eh? You've got to have mushy peas. No...

Fish and chips aren't fish and chips without mushy peas.

£1.60 chips, £2.80 fish.

How much together?

4.40? Correct.

So, fish and chips for four, Sophie, please?

I don't know.

Looking forward to eating them?

Yes. Then I strongly advise you to attempt an answer,

since not to do so could result in a crushing disappointment.

£17.60. Thank you.

Hiya, Mum.

Oh, we'll be there in five minutes.

Warm the plates. Why?

We've got fish and chips.

I told them no burgers and no chips.

It was my idea.

No, it wasn't. It was Sophie's idea,

because she can twist you round her bloody little finger.

Aw, they've been good.

Well, I don't care.

They've had chips twice this week already.

They're going to start looking like bloody chips.

Put her on a sec. You've got me into trouble. Sorry.

Hi, Mum.

What did I tell you?

Grandma wanted them. No, she didn't.

Honest, Mum, she did. We wanted pizza.

I told her you'd go mad. We wanted pizza, Mum!

Grandma? Grandma! Gran! Grandma!

Sophie, what's wrong?

Grandma! Come on, wake up. We're going to crash.

Hello? Sophie?

Sophie?

Sophie!

Hello? Hello?

Hello!

Can anybody hear me? Please pick the phone up. Hello?

Mum!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Mum!

Oh, God, Mum.

Where's the kids? Where are my kids?!

Blue Volvo.

Girls! Oh, my God!

Mum!

Come here.

Oh...

No, the kids are fine but they've taken them in to check them over,

so you need to pick them up, OK?

Where are they taking them? The children's, and they're starving,

so you're going to need to feed them.

They're taking me mam to the Royal, so I'm just following them now.

Can you phone our Claire and just tell her what's happened, please?

What?

Can't you?

Yeah, I could, but I'm driving, you selfish bastard.

I'm really stressing.

Do you think I've lost weight?

A bit, yeah.

I wanted to lose a stone but failed abysmally,

so I'm making sure I get fat bridesmaids. Oh, really?

This is a message for Claire. But my dad's being awkward.

Sorry, do you mind if I get that? Jenny's on the way to the hospital.

I have to pick up the kids. Hello? Yeah, it's me.

Your mum, she's been in a car crash. Is it bad? Yeah. Which hospital?

The Royal. Jenny's gone with her. I'll be there as soon as I can.

Thanks.

I'm... I'm sorry, I've got to go. My mum's crashed her car.

Mum?

Mum?

Are you OK?

No...

Isn't there some rule, some limit as to how long we can wait?

Four hours? A target, sir.

I'm well over that. I know what's going on here.

I'm over the limit, I'm already a blot on your statistics,

so you might as well keep me waiting... Excuse me.

It will have no effect on your numbers... Nothing of the sort, sir.

I promise you... Excuse me... No, excuse me, please, love!

Now, what's going on? If you just take a seat,

we'll be with you as soon as we can. Take a seat. Always, take a seat.

Sorry about that. It's OK. I'm looking for Mary Taylor.

She's my mum. She had a car crash.

She was brought in earlier.

Hiya, Mum.

Mum?

George?

It's Claire, Mum.

She doesn't know me either.

What's she doing here?

We're just waiting for a scan, but there's loads in front of us.

George?

Dad's dead, Mum.

I wanted flowers to wake up the candle drums.

Well, we can get you some flowers, Mum.

How long have you been here? Two hours.

I wanted flowers to wake up the candle drums.

Oh, for God's sake!

No, Claire, don't piss them off.

I wanted flowers to wake up the candle drums.

Come on, it's all right.

Oh, shit.

Hiya, mate. I'm so sorry, but I've got no money.

My kids were in a crash.

I was on the phone to them when it happened and I just ran out

the house with nothing. I'm so sorry.

Then you can't get out, love.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

I won't be long.

Do you want to come in? No.

Kids, your mum's here!

What did you give them?

Cheesy chips. Jesus.

What? Nothing.

How is she?

Not good.

If there's anything I can...

Money-wise?

Look, I came out without my keys. The house.

Oh, well, I'll get mine.

Kids.

Bye, Cheryl. Bye, Cheryl.

Mum!

Hi. Hi, darling.

Mum!

Bye, Dad. All right, girls. Come on.

Go wait in the taxi. I'll race you.

Thanks. I'll post them back through your letterbox.

Right.

Just here on the left.

Yeah, just here.

Come on, girls. Out you get. Cheers, mate.

I won't be a sec, all right?

Thank you. Go on.

Come on, girls. Straight up to bed, please.

Night-night. Night-night. Love you. Love you too.

Shit.

Agh!

Take 18, please. Thank you.

Hi, Pete. It's Jenny Northwood here.

Look, you're probably manning my till,

but I won't be in for a while, I'm afraid.

My mum's sick, and there's no-one to sort the kids out.

All right, girls?

Bye, Mummy. Mwah. Bye, Mummy.

Have a good day, all right? Love you!

She's sitting up.

She's sitting up!

Mary?

Yeah.

She insisted.

Hi, Mum.

Hi, it's me.

It's Jenny.

Hotchpotch.

Hotchpotch.

Excuse me, sorry... Yes?

I don't know what she's trying to say.

Hotchpotch!

It's the toilet, isn't it, Mary?

Could you just wait at the entrance while we...? Claire?

Hi. You're not answering your phone. It's flat.

Your landline.

There's a fault on the landline, I think.

What is it you wanted?

I did want you to pick the girls from school,

but I can get them now. Right.

Not tomorrow, though.

I can't.

You can't pick them up in the afternoon? No.

Well, then, take them in the morning?

I can't do that either.

You've got to start pulling your weight,

Dave, otherwise I'm going to lose my job. I can't, I'm sorry.

For God's sake.

She's going to start work soon. Cheryl?

Yeah, you know, and when she does then I'll be able to help out

a lot more.

More regular too.

What?

What?

George? Mam, Dad's dead.

So, up to this stroke, she was living independently?

Yes. He died years ago.

Her dementia was manageable?

She doesn't have dementia.

How much do these things cost?

You mean it wasn't diagnosed?

No, I mean there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

She's been minding my kids,

and I wouldn't let a demented woman to that. George... George...